Telling my daughter the truth
Well, I walked in the door tonight and as soon as Krystian saw my face, she asked what was wrong. I tried to lie and tell her nothing, but she knew I was lying when I grabbed two pieces of her chocolate.
So, I sat her down and told her the truth about why I felt like I was in pain. My heart feels broken, I told her this. Kids are absolutely amazing. She looked at me and said "MOM, did you think he was going to be in jail forever? I knew he was going to be let out, I just try not to think about him anymore, somedays are better then others. We'll get through this, but we ARE NOT going to get through it by eating chocolate, or any other sh** we dont need" (and she promptly threw away the rest of the candy she had from Christmas morning.
The real icing on the cake??? A friend of mine works for a private investigator. It took him about an hour, but he found out more information. Seems mr idiot is back in jail in another county on two misdeamors (sp) He is supposed to be there for 11 months, which won't be up until June 09. Am I wrong for jumping up and down for joy? let him rot there for the rest of his life for all I care, as long as he doesn't ever come near my family again. (or any others for that matter)
My next item on my to do list: Call Victim Services again tomorrow, and continue to leave messages for them asking why we were never told he was released to begin with!!
So, I sat her down and told her the truth about why I felt like I was in pain. My heart feels broken, I told her this. Kids are absolutely amazing. She looked at me and said "MOM, did you think he was going to be in jail forever? I knew he was going to be let out, I just try not to think about him anymore, somedays are better then others. We'll get through this, but we ARE NOT going to get through it by eating chocolate, or any other sh** we dont need" (and she promptly threw away the rest of the candy she had from Christmas morning.
The real icing on the cake??? A friend of mine works for a private investigator. It took him about an hour, but he found out more information. Seems mr idiot is back in jail in another county on two misdeamors (sp) He is supposed to be there for 11 months, which won't be up until June 09. Am I wrong for jumping up and down for joy? let him rot there for the rest of his life for all I care, as long as he doesn't ever come near my family again. (or any others for that matter)
My next item on my to do list: Call Victim Services again tomorrow, and continue to leave messages for them asking why we were never told he was released to begin with!!
Loretta,
I am so sorry to hear that you have been let down by the Victims' Services. I would be screaming at them, the judges, the parole board, and every other sucker in the criminal justice system imaginable. My screaming would probably fall on deaf ears, but sometimes the squeaky wheel does get the grease.
However, I must share something I am learning these days. I keep getting reminded by my AA sponsor the pray the Serenity Prayer. It helps me stay calm, and rational when my anger goes off the hook.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
The things you cannot change are the decisions that are being made concerning this creep's freedom. The thing you can change in your emotional reaction and peace of mind. The wisdom comes from praying.
In the meantime, focus on your program. Eating chocolates, or anything else, is not going to put him back behind bars. It will only leave you feeling lousy physically, and more out of control than when you started. I am a professional overeater, and I can attest to that reality.
Please take care of yourself. Your daughter needs you to be strong, and your granddaughter needs you to stay calm, and rational. Little ones can sense when something is wrong in the people they depend on and love the most.
Hugs,
Trish
I am so sorry to hear that you have been let down by the Victims' Services. I would be screaming at them, the judges, the parole board, and every other sucker in the criminal justice system imaginable. My screaming would probably fall on deaf ears, but sometimes the squeaky wheel does get the grease.
However, I must share something I am learning these days. I keep getting reminded by my AA sponsor the pray the Serenity Prayer. It helps me stay calm, and rational when my anger goes off the hook.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
The things you cannot change are the decisions that are being made concerning this creep's freedom. The thing you can change in your emotional reaction and peace of mind. The wisdom comes from praying.
In the meantime, focus on your program. Eating chocolates, or anything else, is not going to put him back behind bars. It will only leave you feeling lousy physically, and more out of control than when you started. I am a professional overeater, and I can attest to that reality.
Please take care of yourself. Your daughter needs you to be strong, and your granddaughter needs you to stay calm, and rational. Little ones can sense when something is wrong in the people they depend on and love the most.
Hugs,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Your daughter is extraordinarily strong and has the right attitude. I was raped when I was 18 - never told my parents....long involved story there....to make matters worse his name was Brian and my husbands name as you may know is Brian...talk about flashbacks when we first became intimate. The man is a saint for dealing with my issues.
It took me a long time to get over it - and there are still good days and bad days and moments where he creeps into my thoughts without the slightest warning.
Trish summed it up beautifully. Eating will only make you feel more lousy and out of control then you started out with. Easier said than done....but true.
And I hate to be the downer on such good news of him being in jail...don't expect him to be there much longer. The system has failed before and will probably fail again. Focus on protecting yourself and your daughter to the best of your ability and helping her (and you) to move forward from such a terrible experience.
Pam
It took me a long time to get over it - and there are still good days and bad days and moments where he creeps into my thoughts without the slightest warning.
Trish summed it up beautifully. Eating will only make you feel more lousy and out of control then you started out with. Easier said than done....but true.
And I hate to be the downer on such good news of him being in jail...don't expect him to be there much longer. The system has failed before and will probably fail again. Focus on protecting yourself and your daughter to the best of your ability and helping her (and you) to move forward from such a terrible experience.
Pam
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
R K.
on 12/30/08 6:51 pm
on 12/30/08 6:51 pm
If it`s in Pa you can keep track here. If you don`t know docket you can change the search to name and let it do all Pa counties.
http://ujsportal.pacourts.us/DocketSheets/CP.aspx
You can also have the DA notify you of any parole hearing so you can attend.
http://ujsportal.pacourts.us/DocketSheets/CP.aspx
You can also have the DA notify you of any parole hearing so you can attend.
*
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
R K.
on 12/30/08 7:00 pm
on 12/30/08 7:00 pm
Make certain he is registered as a sexual predator. If he was charged his name can legally be put in public by you. Check the predator sites and make sure he`s added.
Make sure he`s listed if not report him. His name and crime are no longer private get it out there and help save somebody else's kid from the scumbag.
http://www.pameganslaw.state.pa.us/SearchName.aspx?dt=EFCGEC FDDL4INIKNEK4Ua
http://www.pameganslaw.state.pa.us/InmateLocator.aspx?Entire Menu=true&dt=ICJCFDDJ4HNHJNEE4Ua
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
http://www.criminalsearches.com/default.aspx
Make sure he`s listed if not report him. His name and crime are no longer private get it out there and help save somebody else's kid from the scumbag.
http://www.pameganslaw.state.pa.us/SearchName.aspx?dt=EFCGEC FDDL4INIKNEK4Ua
http://www.pameganslaw.state.pa.us/InmateLocator.aspx?Entire Menu=true&dt=ICJCFDDJ4HNHJNEE4Ua
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
http://www.criminalsearches.com/default.aspx
*
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
Kids are so amazing! I am so glad that you two are there supporting each other through this whole thing. Continue to lean on each other. I agree he should rot in prison, and I would add several other unmentionable actions to be done to him during imprisonment, but that is just me. Anyhow, focus your energy on you and your family. The more time you spend thinking about him and worrying about him it is like he is robbing you of something all over again because that is energy that you aren't able to spend on your family. We are all here to help in any way we can. I have to say you have a special daughter throwing away those chocolates was showing alot of maturity in dealing with her problem and yours. You two will get through this just fine as long as you keep leaning on each other.
Loretta,
I really commend you for telling Krystian the truth. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for you. She sounds absolutely amazing -- incredibly strong, extremely rational and so concerned for your well-being too! You are both very lucky to have each other and I sincerely hope you both will continue to support each other and lean on each other, especially during a time like this.
Were you already able to get in touch with Victim Services? If so, I really hope you got some answers! And if not, I hope you are able to reach them soon.
Thinking of you,
Lisa
I really commend you for telling Krystian the truth. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for you. She sounds absolutely amazing -- incredibly strong, extremely rational and so concerned for your well-being too! You are both very lucky to have each other and I sincerely hope you both will continue to support each other and lean on each other, especially during a time like this.
Were you already able to get in touch with Victim Services? If so, I really hope you got some answers! And if not, I hope you are able to reach them soon.
Thinking of you,
Lisa
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