not sure what I'm trying to say...
But I want to say that you all mean a lot to me. I haven't felt like posting much anymore, but I am still here every day.
Going through a lot. I know I need therapy.
For 22 years, my ex-husband was my person. My best friend. We have been divorced for three or more years, but as many of you already know, I am just dealing with this now. I just had a long talk with him and said everything I never thought I could say, but now I can because I have more confidence without the weight. I know that's messed up but it's the truth. Anyway, I feel so much better and he does too. Neither of us ever want to reconcile, that part of our relationship will always be damaged irreparably. However, it was so cleansing and healing to be able to talk to him honestly and get healthy honest feedback from him. He has been sober for a couple of months now and that has also had an effect on me wanting to talk. He told he knew that I was being tortured by something and he's glad I got it out.
So, that was good. Cathartic. And I feel selfish. But I know it was a good thing to do. He knows I don't want to reconcile. I still feel uneasy. Guilty. Exhausted. An emotional mess.But I am my own worst critic.
Going through a lot. I know I need therapy.
For 22 years, my ex-husband was my person. My best friend. We have been divorced for three or more years, but as many of you already know, I am just dealing with this now. I just had a long talk with him and said everything I never thought I could say, but now I can because I have more confidence without the weight. I know that's messed up but it's the truth. Anyway, I feel so much better and he does too. Neither of us ever want to reconcile, that part of our relationship will always be damaged irreparably. However, it was so cleansing and healing to be able to talk to him honestly and get healthy honest feedback from him. He has been sober for a couple of months now and that has also had an effect on me wanting to talk. He told he knew that I was being tortured by something and he's glad I got it out.
So, that was good. Cathartic. And I feel selfish. But I know it was a good thing to do. He knows I don't want to reconcile. I still feel uneasy. Guilty. Exhausted. An emotional mess.But I am my own worst critic.
Years later...hours later...it doesn't matter when - it matters that it happened.
From the statement of "he's been sober for a few months now" sounds like he has his own demons he is working on as well - so this was obviously not a one sided issue.
Good for you for being able to talk about things.
And for staying here. I hope it helps you to some degree.
Pam
From the statement of "he's been sober for a few months now" sounds like he has his own demons he is working on as well - so this was obviously not a one sided issue.
Good for you for being able to talk about things.
And for staying here. I hope it helps you to some degree.
Pam
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
I can empathize with the ex being someone you could talk to while you were married. I was married for 25 years before my husband left. It's been almost 8 years now since he has been gone.
I do not know where I would be without therapy. I recommend it highly, as long as the therapist is a licensed mental health professional.
Sounds like you had a good talk, and it helped you. That is always a good thing.
Hugs,
Trish
I do not know where I would be without therapy. I recommend it highly, as long as the therapist is a licensed mental health professional.
Sounds like you had a good talk, and it helped you. That is always a good thing.
Hugs,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Yeah....I am coming from parents who never talked, I always feel uneasy and awkward afterward, like talking is not something you are supposed to do with people, you know? Just small talk is acceptable. How crazy. My mom needs to talk to someone as well, but she has told me flat out that she does not believe in therapy.
My ex has had the same kind of parents in many ways, and they were also abusive to him and his siblings. He has been in therapy and we were in couples therapy before it all went to crap and we finally got divorced.
Me being in this house with all of his stuff has not helped me move on, of course. He dismantled his gym last night and took it out of here. I have a memory of him working out on it while Journey's "Lights" is playing. I remember it a lot every time I walk up my basement stairs, about three times a day. Divorce is like greiving a death in many ways. there are boxes and boxes I have to go through down there. I told him how bad I felt for the way I treated him when we were married, and the things I said back then that hurt him weren't true. He told me he knows, that he is happy now, and I shouldn't feel bad anymore.His fiance is a very well-adjusted person mature for her age, and he hopes I find someone who is a nice person. He admits that he's still hard to live with and she puts up with a lot. He knows he was very abusive to me, we were very young, and never had time alone together. He is sorry, too. Yes, it was a good talk. I feel so much better.
My ex has had the same kind of parents in many ways, and they were also abusive to him and his siblings. He has been in therapy and we were in couples therapy before it all went to crap and we finally got divorced.
Me being in this house with all of his stuff has not helped me move on, of course. He dismantled his gym last night and took it out of here. I have a memory of him working out on it while Journey's "Lights" is playing. I remember it a lot every time I walk up my basement stairs, about three times a day. Divorce is like greiving a death in many ways. there are boxes and boxes I have to go through down there. I told him how bad I felt for the way I treated him when we were married, and the things I said back then that hurt him weren't true. He told me he knows, that he is happy now, and I shouldn't feel bad anymore.His fiance is a very well-adjusted person mature for her age, and he hopes I find someone who is a nice person. He admits that he's still hard to live with and she puts up with a lot. He knows he was very abusive to me, we were very young, and never had time alone together. He is sorry, too. Yes, it was a good talk. I feel so much better.
Divorce is very much like grieving a death, it is the death of a couple and the birth of you as an individual. In life, in nature, something must die before new life can come from it. A seed must die in the ground, before the new plant can emerge from the soil.
Go ahead and grieve your loss. It is healthy. Be prepared for the new life you are entering, and enjoy the good moments to come, because there shall be many, when you are ready.
It took me years to accept my marriage was over, but once I did, I began to see good in my life while I was alone. Unfortunately, I also gained a ton of weight during that time, but that is another story.
Hang in there. Seek help, if you need it.
Hugs,
Trish
Go ahead and grieve your loss. It is healthy. Be prepared for the new life you are entering, and enjoy the good moments to come, because there shall be many, when you are ready.
It took me years to accept my marriage was over, but once I did, I began to see good in my life while I was alone. Unfortunately, I also gained a ton of weight during that time, but that is another story.
Hang in there. Seek help, if you need it.
Hugs,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
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