Answers! Finally!

My surgeon finally followed up (after an email that my boyfriend drafted up becuase I tend to "get tudy"). There is a small something or other where my intestines are attached to my pouch.  Everything in the bowel looks fine. I told him I started Prilosec (thanks Nicki) and he recommended I continue it 4-6 weeks. Chances are it is an ulcer right there, but i guess he didnt say it because legally issues with not actually seeing it to diagnose it. Chances also are that the ulcer is from the amount of drinking I've been doing. Yes, I said it out loud.  I have been consuming FAR to much alcohol when I drink.  Let's just say, a fifth of rum in one night (twice in one month) is probably something you dont want to do.   So it looks like I had a nice litttle wake up call.  Scared the sh*t outta me and I dont intend to scew up again. I am seeing my therapist this afternoon to discuss this crap....and hopefully see the light.  I've followed the rules on everything else...just goes to show that this is no joke. I am cleared to exercise and he said if the pain comes back again, he's goin in.  And I completely agree. Whew. I 've got a lot of thinking to do.

Well I'm glad he responded with basically the same thing as you had unofficially heard. I also give you credit for admitting where you were going off to areas where you shouldn't have.  That is not an easy thing to do. You know where you came from, and you know where you need to go.  The road is difficult to get there, but with your strength and determination, I have no doubt you will continue successing each and every day. :) Pam

Thanks Pam. Your support (as well as many others on here) has been amazing.  Thanks for all the advice and input.  I really appreciate it. Yes, admitting that little secret was a little tough, I must say... especially since I look like "the picture of health" and am "such an inspiration" to many.  I am far from perfect.  That is why I still find it hard to accept those compliments.   Oh well....pick up the pieces and move on.

You ARE an inspiration.  Even more so because you are NOT perfect.  We don't need perfect people out there - we need to know there are people who continue to "pick up the pieces" and goals are attainable even if we make poor choices from time to time.  There's a reason NA people have a former narcotics addict as sponsors - they know where they have been.  And you know where we have been. If I followed a "perfect" person, I would believe that I could never be like them because I am far from perfect as well, and therefore would not follow them.  Why chase unrealistic goals? Following you though - well that's pretty attainable - although I know I won't be a runner like you - it's just not my thing.  Give me my spin class and I'll spin all the live long day however. Pam

I know what you mean about compliments. I was halfway into my 60-lb. regain, with atrocious eating habits and not exercising at all. People I hadn't seen were still telling me how great I looked and to "keep up the good work." I was a walking ball on inner turmoil and conflict. And I am not one who has kept alcohol out of my post-op life (far from it, as many of my friends can attest), but what you said about a fifth of rum in a night literally made me think "wow" to myself. I can imagine that it was difficult to admit, and I'm sure that you'll take steps to get your compass pointing north again. I don't think anybody here wants or expects you to be perfect. We just want you to be happy and healthy.

Jen I'm glad your surgeon got back to you with some answers. And you are an inspiration to all of us out here, but we also know you're human (just like us) and none of us make the right choices 100% of the time - its impossible. A fifth of rum in one night is pretty impressive in someone so small - but even pre-surgery it would have been too much. Hard to fight those old demons - I know I could easily down a fifth of Old Grandad pre-surgery - haven't had alcohol since January, tho, so not sure how I'd fare now! Anyway, don't beat yourself up too much - and now that you know what it is and what may have caused it you'll have even more incentive not to have the whole bottle in one night. Kathy

Hey Jen, I'm just glad you got some answers that make sense. That alone can start the healing. We all know what we do or what we have done that is not good for us. We'll play with something like another addiction for a time and then let it go. We usually figure it out and avoid further damage, if we're lucky and growing from it. I hope that is the case with you. Please try not to beat yourself up too much because you've done so much that is good. You'll continue to inspire. Dennis   

Jen

I am glad you got some answers to why you are having the pain. ...See if this helps if not and your doctor has to go in it is just what needs to be done. You sound much more positive at this point then last week.

Also to admit the drinking was very brave and that just shows us that you are human . I admire you much for admitting to us to show you are not perfect just a woman. Don't beat yourself up over it you saw it is a problem and you are facing it head on at this point.  Try not to "over" think things though!

Hang in there Girlfriend!

Jen, HUGE HUGS!!!!!!That's all I can say other than I hope you feel better soon' HUGS!HUGS!HUGS!HUGS!

I am proud of you for admitting the alcohol abuse. there are many here who struggle with this but have not admitted that it is a problem yet. I am so glad you have. Addiction is based on feelings and behaviors and the addictive part of our brain doesnt care whether it is food or alcohol. See that therapist do what they say. Being real with yourself is the first step. I am glad that you have gotten some answers and take responsibility for your part in it. we are here for you. you can do this