Good Morning Nancy and OFF,

I don't wallow about the past with Mom, I talk about this stuff with my sis-in-law, and my therapist.  I have a deep understanding of what makes Mom tick, and can usually handle her digs and jabs, more graciously than I did when I was home a few weeks ago.  I just hate when she *****es about stuff that is in the past.  Never a compliment, or praise, always criticism.  

As a teenager, I partied and ate.  Had to stuff that anger, and lousy self-esteem.  I never felt good enough.  Now, I know I'm not perfect, and I have the tools to deal with those emotions, but unfortunately, old habit creep in.  I'm not drinking, or drugging anymore.  But, the food is still so easily tempting.  

Now that the weather is better, and I'm getting in more walking as my foot continues to heal, the food is less tempting.  

Like I was told in my first WLS support group, the surgery is on my stomach, not my mind.  That's why I go to therapy, and pray.

Hugs,

Trish

I hope that everyone was able to enjoy some smiles and happiness on Mother's day. Please forgive my unsolicited opinion here- but I find that I must speak out, if not to help others, but for my own reassurance...often writing things down helps me assimulate things better....I do not mean to sound "preachy"...these are just my simple thoughts....

It seems to me that these designated "holidays" bring out some very real emotions, both positive & negative. We are all different, coming from a variety of backgrounds, physical and emotional issues. I, too, have varied emotions about my Mom. I loved her but I did not always LIKE her and we had alot of friction mostly due to Mom's denial & enabling of my adopted younger sibling (alcoholic, drug addict & manipulator) who basically abused Mom, emotionally & financially. my parent's last 30 plus years were often times of secrets and sheer hell that they covered up so well...I had NO idea of what and how bad my sister's behaviour hurt them. She destroyed our family with her addictions and Mom (in some dream world of "I KNOW BETTER than everyone else" ), was determined to "FIX" my sister...it didn't happen, and to this day, my sister remains a criminally-based statistic.  My parents did not deserve to be so manipulated but Mom refused to listen to the TRUTH which was so clearly obvious to all others except her.

Having said all of that, I COULD CHOOSE to allow the damage done to our family CONTINUE to destroy me thru bitterness, anger and regrets. I could & DID self-medicate with sweets and starchy foods...have we ever rewarded ourselves with BROCCOLI?  Now I COULD therefore choose to try and assuage my hurt feelings by EATING COMFORT FOODS.  This, in fact, is like punishing yourself for something that you had no control of at all. However, I FINALLY learned to CHOOSE to see all of that as a "LIFE LESSON" and to move forward...seeing lessons learned and understanding human nature.

Unhealthy eating is a form of self-punishment, we think that we do not deserve to be treated with love and respect (whether we actively realize that concept or not)...it's like giving up on yourself.  Heaven knows, I had given up on myself so many times, it is a wonder that I am still alive and upright!   THAT was why I reached 431 pounds!!  When we give up and "feed our hurts away", we are disrespecting ourselves and accepting all the negative tapes in our heads that say we are NOT ENOUGH!

Guess what, we ARE ENOUGH! We deserve love and respect even from OURSELVES.

We will all die, everyone of us. Some of us will be remembered, some will not. Some of us will be missed, some will not. What I get out of these "emotional holidays" is to reflect at what we learn about others, and OURSELVES, from these memories.

So when these "holidays" and memories grab at you, we are being manipulated by big business that guilts you into feeling like you MUST buy cards, presents, flowers or you don't love them "enough"...so do not allow yourself to be enslaved by the greed of business ..(buy the gifts if doing so gives you joy, but not if it is to get rid of that guilt feeling that we are artificially pushed into by advertising)....take the good memories and rejoice, give a few minutes for a sad nod and wry smile at the "bad memories", but move forward and treat yourself that way you deserve to be..with love and respect.  It is not easy at times, I have to work very hard at "letting go"...but to be truly have an authentic life, we need to be ourselves, not what we have been told or made to feel.

Memories (good & bad) help us evolve and grow - appreciate that which makes us a better person and shrug off the bad ones, for they teach us how NOT to be.  Live in the NOW, not in the PAST.  I tried so hard to help my Mom with that...she could never let go of the bad stuff & that created a "loose cannon" of heartsick bitterness and bridge-burning, narrow-mindedness, quick to be judgmental and angry....very hurtful to me...she treated me like I was the enemy.  I still hear her cruel words to me in my head but I work at stopping myself from reacting by eating that which MIGHT make me feel better for a few minutes..I do not always win but I am finally winning more often.

She was my Mom, I loved her dearly...I still love her & miss her so much. I took excellent care of her (after Dad died & Mom was so lost without him until she died 18 years later), the very best that I could...but I did not always LIKE her.   And THAT experience taught me so very much.

Hey All,

I just got back from running down the mountain. I took My daughter some potato soup and I made them chicken enchiladas for dinner Monday, Chicken, rice, and broccoli casserole for Tuesday, and Wed., they get meatloaf.  I also made some other veggies and a cake for them.  

On our way taking the kids home, we stopped at a greenhouse and bought my daughter some hanging flowering baskets for the deck at the back of the house, when I lived there, I always kept the deck so beautiful with flowers and such.  We bought her some more flowers for the flower beds too.  A few months back, a friend of mine who teaches art, took a picture of my daughter, me, and the kids (none of us were together, just separate pictures, and she painted us all together, and it turned out beautiful so instead of me keeping it, I let the kids give it to my daughter for mother's day. She broke down and cried so much and thanked them and of course me.  

Then I took my sister her mother's day gift. I sent her and my daughter flowers but I also picked her us three baskets of beautiful flowers for her back patio...she has so many humming birds that come visit in the evenings and she and my brother in law sit back there and enjoy the birds so much so I got her the baskets of beautiful flowers to attract more birds.  She was thrilled and kept telling me that I spent too much money on her...LOL...she is always afraid we will go bankrupt. 

Hi Ladies,

Gettinghere late , Happy mother's day  to all you lovely women. 

My mom has been gone 19 years but I do have a step mom that I went to visit today. She wasn't doing good today. She was having a lot of pain in her shoulder when she moved it. My dad thanked me for coming. My brother showed up too.

I treated myself with a ice cream cone today. It hit the spot and I only went 5 calories over my limit. That's a win.

Linda sorry about your aunt passing.

Love and hugs,

Yvonne

So sorry you lost your mother on Mother's Day.  It's good that you have wonderful memories of her.  Losing a loved one on any holiday makes that holiday difficult.  Hug you furbabies extra tight today.