Long time since I've Been Here

So over the weekend I got a slew of messenger posts about a reunion and I thought, let me just see who all is on OFF. . .  It was nice to see so many of those that posted and made me feel like family for a time in my life are posting, but there are even more not here, some of which are FB friends, which is one of the reasons I stopped posting here, because it was almost redundant to come there and be there and my life was busy. . .

so how am I?  

I am busy with my family who has grown and continues to grow, I now have 6 grandchildren (this for those not privy to my FB posts), 2015 found me with two new additions, my son had his bonus child (others were almost 10 and 8 when baby brother was born), my youngest daughter, had her first child, who lights up my world with her smiles and curiosity.  This year is the year of weddings, my youngest daughter got married Easter weekend and my oldest daughter will be marrying Thanksgiving weekend.  All my children now have their life partners and are doing well, my oldest grandchild, Sammi, graduates from HS the end of this month. . . I turned 60 last June and I have recently begun a new journey, one that will hopefully help me deal with the loss of my brother, almost 3 years ago, a loss which I suffered in silence over, a loss in which I resorted to old bad habits and for which now finds me at a weight I never thought I'd return to, and it has caused me a great deal of shame.  

I've been trying to do something about it, but to be honest this past winter my back did not cooperate and lots of tests later, I wound up going to a chiropractor who has helped and I am walking at least 6000 steps daily, mostly over 10000, but committed to the 6000 so as not to set myself up for a case of the "eff it's"  What I can say is my pouch still works, but my weight does not want to be shed and it's really sad to me.  Also, the end of 2014 found me with emergency surgery due to a twisted bowel related to my RNY and the hiatal hernia that my surgeon had fixed in 2007 when I had my RNY, did you know that they come back (hiatal hernias)?  Anyway, it was scary and the worst part of the scary was that the place I choose to have my surgery abandoned me at my time of need, which was very disconcerting, since I choose them because they said they would always be there for me, well seems the great surgeon, whose name I will not speak of, not my surgeon as she moved to Kentucky years ago, said my situation was too complicated for him to want to handle.  The surgeon who took on my case, told me this after the fact and was unbelieving that such a thing could take place, as he said, even if I leave this practice, you shall always have someone within this practice to step up and take over and that is and should be the way of things. . .  obviously, I survived and am glad that I went to the hospital when I did because it could have been a whole different outcome, so please if you ever experience a sensation of severe pain in the stomach area, do not ignore it, as it can very well mean the difference of life or death in our circles.  In spite of my regain and aches and pains, I am healthy, still make healthy choices most of the time, just seem to be lost with how to eat and be losing weight, I currently eat about 1000 to 1400 calories and have gained over 40 lbs., it is no joke when it is said that fat cells are hungry to regain their plumpness, there has now been proof in the medical fields that is the case.  My friends who have had the gastric sleeve seem to do very well, RNY is what it is and works well if you adhere to what you are supposed to at least 90% of the time.  I got lost due to my grief, but I have not given up on reclaiming the numbers that make me feel good, and no, this is not a numbers game, but I do know how it felt to be at a better scale number and I am determined to at the very least, give it my best to get back to that place.

I have to go now and want to give a shout out to my old friends here and say, glad you're still doing what you need to!

With kind regards, Laureen

Laureen,

We posted at the same time.  Welcome back. I am so happy you are back. Weight gain is something I think we are all dealing with.  I have found that being here has helped me because we all have this one thing in common and it is dealing with our WLS pre,post and during....I think for me it has been the difference between talking about action and action.  

Please hand around and join us as we all regain the use of our tool and our board.  I think sometimes we have all become complacent in our efforts to lose weight and encourage each other, so now we are working toward keeping it real, keeping it positive, and keeping the goals in total in sight.  

These grandkids are something, aren't they.  My number 1 baby graduated high school yesterday and I couldn't be any more prouder than I was when his mother graduated.  He towers over everyone in the room and is such a sweetie.  I am taking him and his girlfriend for a tattoo party as soon as he turns 18...his mom won't sign and his girlfriend's mom will sign for her.   So, a tattoo party on his 18th birthday which will be marked on my right shoulder......

Pictured are from oldest to youngest. . . the joys in my life!!!

Hi Laureen

Welcome.  Stick around for awhile.  You may have great friends on FB and many may be on this forum also but if the posts are redundant then we are losing our way.  FB is a social site and this although social has it main function as support for WLS issues.  It is great to talk about the social aspects of our lives and we do that here, sometimes we have to reign in the social and remember why we are here.  We have done that lately and are back to focusing on our WLS path.  As we do that we discover that we all have struggled in silence and many of us , myself included, have regained more than we thought we ever would.  We are now encouraging each other to steady the course.  Its hard work and we need encouragement and a swift kick in the butt sometimes.

Congratulation on the walking.  Most of us are doing that now.  I too aim for 6,000 steps on a normal day and 10,000 on an active day.  I have a fit bit and that reminds me to get up and walk.

Hope to see you regularly, we need you.

Linda,

You certainly make a good point with regards to FB being about the social aspects of our lives and this really being about the prospect of living life as someone going through the pre-op and post-WLS and helping each other to stay or get back on track. . . the last time I tried being part of that on here, I found it was much more social than the latter and so I went back to my FB life. 

So here I am, willing to give it a shot, because what have I to lose, but my regain by not having any measure of accountability since I stopped all forms of that around the time my brother Frankie died, which was directly linked to morbid obesity :(

Good to see you still plugging along.

Laureen

Hi Laureen!

It is great to see you. I know that my experiences and yours are not the same, but we have been through some similar life events and I can relate to your descriptions. I also lost my brother at an age that was not normal (34) and my grief was terribly difficult and lasted for many years...maybe it will never end but I do feel much better now than I did then.

I also had the blocked small intestine. My symptoms were that nothing could go through, water or food. I spent five days puking and was so dehydrated I went to emergency for hydration and they didn't admit me. I went back to my doctor the next week and had lost 17 pounds in a week. He sent me straight to the hospital where they found the kinked bowel and lots of scar tissue. They put a tube down my throat and just screwed around trying to avoid surgery for a few days. My weight loss surgeon was on disability and the one they got to handle my case did it as a favor. He fixed me up but also told me how dangerous it all was and that the esophageal tube would have never worked. I came out feeling very weak and vulnerable. 

The regain is part of my battle too. We have really been trying to change this board a bit to include more help to each other specifically in the weight loss and maintenance area. We are striving to be positive and inclusive. 

So welcome back!

Julia

Hey Laureen,6.

It is so good to see you here.  You are the friend who connected me to Over 50 Forum ages ago.  

Like you, I lost my baby brother seven weeks post op, in October 2006.  The following year, I became a grandmother, and attended my son's wedding exactly one year post op.  Then, 16 months post-op, after being 100 pounds lighter, and having years of sobriety, I picked up wine, and cookies.  I regained 40 pounds, and had a horrible two years of where I lost my older brother, and was in and out of sobriety.  I landed in a psychiatric hospital, then an inpatient rehab.  I've been sober since January 2010, and up until this past Fall, I had lost 20 of those 40 pounds.  My two foot surgeries, and being immobile for three months this past winter, I regained those 20 pounds.  Ugh!  

I realized in therapy, and rehab, I realized I never dealt with the grieving I needed to do after losing both my brothers.  I moved to Michigan a little over three years ago, to be near my three grandchildren, as well as my daughter and son-in-law.  Now, there's a chance my daughter will get a job back home in the Philadelphia suburbs, so I just might be moving back there.

I'm glad you came back.  Like Linda mentioned, Facebook is very social, while here, our focus should be more WLS oriented, while talking about triggers that motivate us to stray from our recommended food plan, which almost always are negative emotions.

You mentioned feeling shame, and I'm certain all of us have experienced shame at some point in our lives.  I believe that is our negative, unhealthy thinking, that at least for me, kept me in the food.  The days I take my walks, I feel more empowered, and less shame, even if the scale doesn't move.  Those endorphins from exercise help so much.

Like we say in AA, Keep Coming Back.  It works if you work it.

Hugs,

Trish