Up early Tuesday

Good morning sistas!

For some reason my brain, in all its infinite wisdom, decided we should wake up at the butt crack of dawn, so here I am.  I'm sleepy and groggy, but most definitely awake.

I didn't get to post yesterday. Keeping the boys is a full-time occupation.  We had a good day together but they're just such energetic little buggers!  They quite wear me out!

I have so many things to work through today. It's quite daunting. I need to make another list. A couple of my main goals this week are to get stuff up for sale.  All this selling is very stressful for me. I'm not good at it.  But I've got to make myself do it.  I've got to sell the truck and the lake house.  I don't have a choice. So I will try. Sigh.

Hope everyone is doing well today. Julia I'm sorry for your friend. Jeannie, you as well. I have very mixed feelings about the end of life.  I've now sat and watched two of the most important people in my life die from lung cancer.  Their deaths were not easy.  But they were their own deaths. Does that make sense?  We each come into and out of this life according to God's plan. Is there a reason for such suffering? I don't know. Perhaps it is something that is only revealed to us after death. My personal inclination is to not interfere with the process but I can only speak for myself, not for others. I will pray for your friends.

I cannot help but notice how upset people are on social media about the deaths of celebrities. I find this very puzzling.  Celebrities are often treated as magical beings who are somehow different from the rest of us or above the average struggles of everyday life. In reality they are just people. Their deaths, while sad, should not be viewed as horrible and unexpected. We are all going to die one day. And everyone dies of something. Be it illness, accident, or simply old age, no one lives forever. It's a difficult reality to face. But face it we must. I think death terrifies people of no faith.  I know if it were not for my own salvation and hope of heaven I would feel the same way.  Instead I think of death as "going home".  I think it is harder on those left behind than it is on those who "go home".

Sorry. My mind often wanders down deep and difficult paths these days.

Well I've bubbled in the tub quite long enough now. Time to get out and get going on my day. Love you all!

Good Morning Vic and Ladies,

I have shingles, again, so I am working from home today.  When I get shingles on my abdomen, they rarely come out as huge blisters like the ones on my face and neck do, but they burn and the pain just last forever. Today, it hurts to have clothes on so clothes are gone...I am sitting wrapped up in a sheet for warmth and it isn't touching my belly....geeze....I have to go on the steroids because of my horrible asthma and then the steroids, for some strange reason, after I take the last dose, cause me to have shingles outbreaks. I can count on shingles if I am on the damn steroids for more than a month and the allergy doctor said I shouldn't take the shingles vaccine because of one of the chemicals being related to a compound that shows up as me being allergic to...so now shingles vaccine.  

Vic, my experience with death has been quite the opposite. As you can imagine, I have a lot of friends who are also atheists and we struggle with death in many of the same ways that religious folks do and what I mean by that, all humans, or most humans, struggle to live, it's our nature to survive. So, when we begin to face our own mortality, we realize that none of us live forever. Most of my friends who are atheists feel the same toward death as I do and that is we hate to leave the planet...we hate to die and leave behind our loved ones who we know will miss us, but death to us is the final stage of life and we are no more afraid of death than religious folks. In fact, when I worked as a nurse, there were times when religious folks were so racked with guilt over the various things in their lives that they really struggled at the end. Some might say their struggle was fighting death but a few were death bed recommitments to God and who said they were afraid they waited to long. My brother was one who never went to church; although, unlike me, he believed in God. When he lay dying, he asked for a preacher to come talk to him and a couple of days before he died, he was "saved."  My sisters had huge arguments about if he waited too long: one said that he made it into heaven because he repented of his sins and the other said but he had no service and faith without works is dead. Of course, I stayed out of the argument but did tell my niece not to worry that even if there is a God, there is no way he could love humans the way the Bible proclaims to only send them to eternal damnation.  That comforted her and it was her who I worried about, not my brother who was dead. 

On a more positive note and less controversial, my husband was able to pull his belt in to another hole.  You know  he has not been this small in probably 20 years or more so he is very excited.  He is a typical man who tucks his shirts in and unlike me, he doesn't care if he has a mushroom top. LOL....but lately, his mushroom has gone from a huge portabella to a little portabella....he says, look, I can see my toes. LOL...Men can sure lose the weight. I think it is all that testosterone they have in their blood because one of my colleagues is going through a sex change and last year they started him on male hormones and before the hormones, she was a little chubby and now that she has the testosterone, he is bulking up and losing all that chubbiness.  He is in the final stages of hormone therapy and has had the hysterectomy and double mastectomy and all that's left is the penis part. I don't claim to understand any of this but I do support him because  before he began all the therapy, she was so unhappy; always dressing like a boy and depressed and now he is so happy...a totally different person and I mean that in so many ways. LOL

Well, I gotta get off here and check on my center. They email or text me when they need something but I like to check in on them frequently.  

talk to you guys later.....

Hi Jeannie,

So sorry about the shingles!  Ouchee!  That's the pits.

I wasn't trying to proselytize or stir up a theological discussion at all.  Just expressing my thoughts on death.  We must all come to it and face it in our own way.  I certainly don't wish to impose my beliefs on anyone else.  

So, you know I always lock up at night.  I lower the garage door, etc.  Well, last night I guess I was so tired from babysitting I forgot.  So the garage door was open all night long and the back door was unlocked, too.  I didn't think much of it until our neighbor rang the doorbell this morning and it turns out our cul-de-sac was "hit" last night!  Stuff was stolen out of our neighbors' yards all around us.  My stuff?  Not a thing disturbed.  Praise the Lord!

But my mom is so upset!  She can't quit talking about it.  Driving me bats this morning.  I'm trying so hard to be tolerant.  I just want to sit at my kitchen table, drink a cuppa hot tea, and make my list for the day.  Every time I think to myself, "I wish I was alone," I feel badly because one day I will be alone, and then what?

I read a little funny on FB this morning and thought I would share it here.  Well, it's sorta funny.  I think it speaks to the intolerance we have for other people's viewpoints these days, but here it is:

"I would agree with you . . . but then we would both be wrong!"

LOL!  I hope I never get to that point in my thinking!  

Love you!

Vic, 

My heart does break for you in that you have this conundrum of sorts. On the one hand, you are literally raising your mom...you are truly sandwiched between you mom and your grandchildren and the other hand when you are no longer raising your mom, she will be gone.  My mom died, as you know, when I was a child so while I clearly remember what it was like to sit in her lap and feel her hands in my hair and the warmth of her body when she and snuggled in bed on cold mornings, I don't know what it was like to, as a teen,  rebel against her or as a young woman listen to her wisdom and as an older woman having to take care of her. I wish I had that problem because my life would probably have turned out somewhat different in terms of how I mothered my own children...

It's good that we can agree and disagree in such a safe place, isn't it? I love how so diverse our group of ladies is in terms of religion or the lack there of and yet we all love and respect each other. Even politically we reach from one end of the spectrum to the other and yet we find our place in the middle to support each other. Sigh...we are good for each, that's for sure. 

I sometimes forget that I don't have to be defensive here and so I try to explain and it comes off as being defensive.  I apologize. 

That is a good thing you were not stolen from and that no one entered your house.  Keep those doors locked.  Recently, one of my tutor's grandmother, who is blind, had someone crawl in through a window, walk around in the house while the grandmother was there and after terrifying the poor woman, took her purse and her medication...finally, the woman was able to find her phone, the low life had moved it from where she left it to prevent her from calling the cops no doubt, and she called the police and her granddaughter.  I am trying to talk my tutor into moving the grandmother because it will happen again...people take such advantage of the elderly and that is another reason it is good what you are doing for your mom....bite your tongue and remember that she is old and forgetful and afraid...she probably doesn't mean to be so upset but dang girl...your door was unlocked.   

Well, as my BFF is so fond of reminding me, I lived out in the country for 20+ years.  There were lots of time when we didn't lock the door at night.  I never worried about it, especially when Butch was home.  I kinda got out of the habit, you know?  I mean I plan to lock up every night.  I try to do it.  I don't mean to leave things open.  I have to get used to living in the city again.

Yes, I try to bite my tongue.  I feel like I am always being so *****y to my mom.  Even though most of my "*****iness" is in my head and I don't say it aloud, I still feel like I'm not being as gentle or as kind as I should be.  But part of it is just that I still don't want to be around people very much.  I'm still feeling the need to be withdrawn and alone, although that's beginning to ease a bit.

I just paid all my property taxes.  Day-um!!!  I have GOT to unload some of this stuff!  

Good Morning Vickie and OFF,

I'm getting ready to go to the hematologist.  I need to get a bridging schedule for going off my Coumadin for my surgery next week.  I know the drill by heart, but they insist on me meeting with the nurse, and getting instructions and a prescription for the Lovenox and the doses for going back on the Coumadin.

I have some tidying to do, as well as cooking.  I'm making Colleen's recipe for tortellini soup.  It's my favorite.  I'll freeze it, and enjoy it while I recuperate.

Must scoot.  I have to leave for my appointment.

Hugs and prayers,

Trish

Hi All,

I think that having our discussions about death and belief is good for us. It does help with the tolerance of differences between us. Of course we are all different. Thank goodness I say! 

I grew up in a strict church. My mom and grandma went twice on Sunday and on Wednesday nights. I still have the bible story books that my brother loved as children. I love the old hymns and my Mom's memorial was full of the hymns and prayers that she would have loved. I am one person that has been a Christian and as I grew older changed my beliefs. I do believe that something lingers for a while after death because I felt it when my brother died, but I do not believe in heaven or hell. I think that there are so many beliefs in our world that if there is a god he/she would not exclude so many who grew up with different beliefs. To me, whatever gives you comfort is ok as long as you can include others kindly. Each one of us has her own journey. I have witnessed death once and was with my brother until just a few minutes before his death and both deaths were very similar. My mom believed in the afterlife and my brother didn't. Both deaths were similar...neither was fearful. What happens next was not important to either of them. I have friends that are strong Christians and friends that are not. My Christian friends worry for my soul and try at least once a year to convert me back. I understand...they love me. But you believe what you believe. There is room for all of us. 

My friend with cancer is going to fight it. I have mixed feelings on that because the fight will weaken her and maybe not give much time. In her position I think I would go the palliative care route and have the euthanasia possible if pain was not manageable. But again, we are all different. I think my main thought would be that she does what works for her. No matter what there will be plenty of sadness. I truly hope that people will be sad when I die...if not I did something wrong.

I have my weight loss group tonight. I am presenting a program on coloring! I want to share with my wonderful women friends there. I know that I have lost weight too, thanks to my new habits and goals. 

Happy Tuesday!

Julia

I agree Julia.  I, too, grew up going to Sunday School and Church.  Then I drifted in and out of church for the next several decades.  I no longer believe one has to go to church every week, although it's fine if you want to.  But I don't believe church is what faith is.  Faith is something different.

I'm really glad we can feel free enough here on OFF to express ourselves.  I really don't care if everyone here isn't "just like me".  I like diversity!  I like learning about other people's beliefs.  I think sometimes I come across as rather rigid in my beliefs, but I don't mean to.  I'm really very much a "live and let live" type of person.  

So even though politics and religion are "hot topics", and we all have a tacit agreement not to fight about them (LOL!), I'm glad we can occasionally discuss them here.  

Girl, I swear, I am going to remember to get my coloring books and pencils out tonight!  

Love you!

Vic,

I keep my coloring books and pencils by my chair...that way, they are handy. 

Julia,

It is hard to say what I would do...I'd like to think I would make an effort to fight but I hate pain and you know, if I can stop the pain, I will. On one of my  visits to my MS doctor, his nurse asked me if I wanted to make an appointment with their MS councillor and I asked what he or she did and she said, well, she works at helping you deal with the stages of the disease and also she helps you and your family deal with the choices that you may be forced to make.  I said, well, you know, I have a really good therapists and I've read everything that I can get my hands on about MS so I think I'm good. But, in the event that I knew for sure that a disease was going to ravage me and leave me in pain and weak, I think I would go with taking the three little white pills. 

When I was in nursing school, we had this wonderful doctor who took care of cancer patients and I remember standing, holding his charts, while he talked to this really young man. The guy had worked on fiber glass boats without a respirator on and was dying of a rare but very fast acting lung cancer. The doctor only gave him a couple of months to live. So, he gave him a prescription for some very strong pain medication and he said, now, you can take one of these every two hours for pain...if the pain is severe, you can take two...but, never take three...the kid said, what happens if I take three and the doctor said, you will go into a very deep sleep and after a few minutes, you will die. When we left the patient's room, I said, do you think you should give him something milder so he doesn't make a mistake...and the doctor said, I'mhoping he makes a mistake because he is too young to deal with the pain that he is going to experience before the cancer runs its course. Later, the other nurses and I were talking and they said, it's common for some of the doctors to send the patient home with instructions for overdosing...but they do it with the whatever you do, don't take three....you know. When I broke my neck and back, I tell you the pain was so bad and I begged the nurses to give me more and more pain medication and they just couldn't do it...but the pain was so bad...I'm glad they didn't over dose me, but at that moment, when the pain was so overwhelming, I just wanted relief...I knew, though, I was going to live and would probably be okay...some aren't so lucky.

Well, enough of the sadness....we are a lucky group that we can discuss so many different types of issues and situate our life around our theoretical ideas of what we hope we could or couldn't do...I am sure I would do the pills...I would not want to suffer. But I know my DH would not allow anyone to end my life any breath too soon...we've talked and he says, no way. I am too selfish to let you go...isn't he the romantic?