Saturday Before Christmas

Good Morning OFF,

I woke up around 4:30, and couldn't get back to sleep.  So, I'm up, already have eaten breakfast.  I'm finishing up paperwork today, and starting to pack.  I'll probably take a catnap because of the lack of sleep.  I'm also doing a few chores.

Julia, I'm so sorry for all the losses you have experienced.  It's a tough time for my family, with Daddy, and both of my brothers gone so young.  Dad was 51 when he died 38 years ago.  I was only 19.  Neil was 40, when he died nine years ago.  Jack was 57, when he died 8 years ago.  It's especially hard on Mom.  Nobody should have to bury a child.  

Connie, I understand the need for bone scans.  I'm going to ask my doc about getting one.  

Been having a lot of pain in my foot, and not happy about it.  I hate having to take pain killers, but I do, because I don't intend to be a martyr.

I'll try to check back later.

Love, Hugs, and Prayers,

Trish

Trish,

I'm with you on the taking what I need to live a life that is free of pain or as fee of pain as I can get. Our older brother who is in his 80s has some health issues that has all of us worried. The last time I visited with him, he could barely breathe. We buried two of our brothers and we have two left and I just dread the day we have to meet for another funeral.  

I am going to get busy and doing some cleaning and then we are heading down to watch my granddaughter play basketball and then bring the kids back up here for tonight. They will be surprised to find out they are going on a helicopter ride.  DH keeps trying to get me to agree to go up too and I said no way...I fly way too much as it is and hate every second my feet are off the ground. 

Well, let me get off here and get busy.  Ladies,have a great Saturday

Good morning Trish and Jeannie and all my sistas,

Brrrr!  It's cold here this morning.  We are in the 30s!  Not cold enough to freeze, but cold enough to feel like Christmas weather.  However it's supposed to be in the 70s and rainy for Christmas Eve and Day.

I have to tell y'all that for the past two nights, I have managed to fall asleep and sleep all night WITHOUT a sleep aid.  This is huge.  I have been taking sleeping pills of one kind or another every night for months. Occasionally I would try sleeping without one and spend a miserable night, so I would go back to them the next night.  I hope this trend continues.  I really do not like being dependent on sleeping pills.

Trish, honey, I simply do not know how to offer you comfort in the face of so many losses.  I know how much they have affected your life because you speak of them many times throughout the year, not just at Christmas.  I'm sorry for the hurt, and I wish I could give you a hug in person.  

Jeannie, you are another one who has experienced major loss in her life.  I know it will always be with you, too.  To lose a close family member, but especially your mother, at such a young age must mark you forever.

Yet, I do look up to both of you as examples of how to go on with my life.  There are others here who have had major losses as well.  What this tells me is that loss is inevitable for all of us.  It is hard and it hurts, but it happens to each of us over and over again.  It's part of being human, being mortal.  What counts is how we respond to such heartache and pain.  While I have grown to loathe the phrase "life must go on", it IS true, isn't it?  When people very kindly tell me that I need to go to counseling, or I need to be on an antidepressant, I understand that they are only trying to help me "go on".  Well, I am going on, but I don't intend to be rushed about it.  There is no quick or easy way to grieve and then get on with it.  I'm sad.  I hurt.  I'm supposed be sad and hurting right now.  It doesn't mean I'm "stuck" in mourning.  I need time and space in which to mourn; it will take me awhile to come to grips with my loss.  I think that as long as I can manage to get out of bed each morning and function throughout the day, I am doing okay.  If I can make plans for the future, it means that I am still here, still living, still "going on".  I'm sure there will come a time when I can get through the day without crying.  Until then, I just need people to be sympathetic and understanding.  I get those things here.  It's part of why I love you all so much.

As for daughters with mental illnesses, OMG.  Chris still will not respond to me in any way.  I understand that she is also in mourning, and she is under tremendous stress, what with her job, her family, the pressures of the holiday, etc.  But, as usual, Chris needs a whipping boy, and as usual, that person is me.  It's always been this way from the time she was 13 or so and the bi-polar disorder reared its hateful, ugly head.  I'm her "safe" person. The one person she can act like a total ass with and know that I will still love her.  It's an old ingrained pattern and I doubt it will ever change.  The only difference is now we have the boys added into the mix, and I don't want them to be hurt.  I still have no idea if I'm going to be allowed to see them next week or not, much less keep them here for the week before Christmas.  Carrie says she is coming either Monday or Tuesday.  So I will hope that things will improve when she is here to act as a buffer between Chris and me.  We will see.

In the meantime, since I apparently have today off (I know Chris and Mike are both working today, so I guess she found a babysitter for the boys), I have a haircut at 11 a.m. this morning.  I sure hope I like this lady!  Since we moved here from the lake last April, I have not had a decent haircut.  I like to wear my hair short because it's so friggin' unmanageable these day!  I've tried three different places and so far, I haven't been happy with any of them.  This little salon is in old downtown Shertz, well off the beaten path, and I thought I would give it a try.  Wish me luck!

I started my candy making yesterday afternoon.  I made the centers for three kinds of dipped candies:  chocolate covered cherries, dark chocolate truffles, and coconut cremes.  I also have some mini-pretzels to dip.  So this afternoon I'll set up my white and dark chocolate pots and dip away.  Carrie texted me last night that all of that sounded good, but what the baby wants is PEANUT BUTTER!  LOL!  So I guess I'll have to make a chocolate covered peanut butter cup too. I'm only making small batches of each candy, but by the time you make three or four kinds of candy, that's a LOT of candy!

I bought the boys little matching chef's aprons and I found some mini-sized spatulas and things for them, too.  I wasn't planning to give those as Christmas presents, but instead just wanted to have them here for us to do some baking next week.  I hope we get to use them.  I had planned to let them bake cookies for Santa.  

Oh, and I got all my presents wrapped yesterday!  Hurray!  Except I had to stack them all up on the dining room table (to keep them safe from Maybelle), so I haven't added the bows yet.  I discovered that I really haven't bought much of anything for the boys' stockings, although I did do a fairly decent job on the adult stockings.  I need to pick up some little toys and things for the boys.  Maybe a yo-yo or a whistle or something like that.

Well, I'd better close.  I've written a novel this morning.  Comes from having a clear head after a good night's sleep.  LOL!  It's good to wake up without a headache, too.  I think Tylenol PMs have a hangover effect on me.  

Love you all!

Vic,

Grieving is unique and what works for one may not help another. My mother's death marked me for a life of not knowing about relationships but there is one thing that I know as a result of losing someone so dear at such a young age, grieving last forever. You never get over the loss. You learn to live differently to occupy space differently but you always always always miss that other part of your heart. There's isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my mother and I use to think that was unhealthy until a therapists said how could you not think about your mother. So, that place in my heart that aches for her and that can bring me so close to tears one minute is Mama's piece of my heart that feels diseased. I'm sure you and others know what I mean...it aches and takes your breath and puts a lump in your throat and just never goes away...Butch's piece of your heart will always be there and there isn't anything that can make the pain easier or make it go away...you learn to balance that pain with thoughts of the good things and the funny things about him and that sort of makes it okay. 

Yeah, the mother/daughter relationship is made so much more painful by our mentally ill daughters.  My daughter was around 13 or 14 when she started showing symptoms of mental illness...I agree they can be little *****es to us because they know we will love them no matter what. But, eventually we have to decide if we are going to take the abuse...and that's where I am at now. I refuse to let her treat me bad so I don't talk to her. At first, she yelled that I was never going to see the kids again and I panicked but I held fast and she came around. I think the boundaries and limits to which we are willing to be pushed is the only thing that can save us... I know how hard it is to say no to your daughter because like my daughter, saying no can start a huge drama that escalates...I envy mothers who can say, no, not this weekend, I have something planned...and their daughters respond with cool...my daughter goes nuts.  But enough of that...you know what I mean. 

Sleep has come and I am so glad you are rested up. Enjoy making the candies and cookies and if the boys don't get to participate, they will get to eat the bounty and there will be other times you can let them help you with baking and candy making. I am headed back to the kitchen to empty the dishwasher and then we are headed down the mountain to watch our granddaughter play basket ball...she is so talented..she is eight and she says, it's so nice to be modern girl...I can be a jock, I can be a dancer, a singer and I can wear pink.  Yep, she is definitely a modern day girl. 

Thank you Jeannie for understanding about so many things.  Yep, saying "no" to our daughters is hardly worth the trouble it causes.  Any and all accommodations must be made for THEM, but none at all for you.  Oh well.

I want to hear all about the helicopter ride!  

Looking forward to starting our Christmas stories tomorrow.

Vic

Good morning Trish...I also woke up at 4:30. I was able to fall back asleep until 7:00. Now it is 10:30 and I feel like I need a nap!!

I agree...bone scans are necessary. I know our bodies don't always absorb all the calcium we take in. I want them to watch my bones!!

I am sorry you are having pain in your foot. I hope it feels better soon.

As for me.... I had one more present I needed to buy for Gracie. It was easy. I found the cell phone I wanted for her. I sent a picture of it to Jamie. They went shopping this morning and she picked it up for me. Gracie was so excited about having her first cell phone. Jamie sent me a picture of her holding it with a huge smile on her face. I did it because I want her to always be able to call me and text when she wants too. I know 9 is young for a phone, Gracie is very mature for her age. She is responsible and takes good care of her things. She won't be able to take it to school or anyplace like that. I gave it to her early. Grace has her dad and 3 other sets of grandparents and many others that will be giving her gifts on Christmas Day. 

Okay here goes....I saw my doctor yesterday. She was not happy I didn't contact her right away about my fall. She said I could have had a concussion or even internal bleeding. After checking me out she agreed I am okay. I am very bruised inside and out.  She is a little concerned about the headaches I have been having. I have no dizziness and my eyes are clear and focused. She said if I notice any other changes or the pain gets worse she wants me to go to Urgent Care or ER. She made me promise! She said I will hurt for at least two more weeks if not three. She had to remind me that I don't heal like I once did as I am OLDER now....grrrrr....LOL! She also gave me a RX for more Vicodin. 

Prayers for our wonderful OFF Family and their families. Special prayers as requested.

Have a beautiful day... temp is 2 degrees here....glad I am not going outside!

Much love to you all...lots of gentle hugs....connie d 

Hi Connie!  I'm glad you checked out okay at the doctor. I know it is hard for you to get out and go anywhere in the cold.  TWO DEGREES?!?  I have never been in weather that cold in my entire life.  It is warm and sunny again here this afternoon.  People are in shorts at the grocery store. I wish I could bring you down here for a visit.

I'm sorry you got fussed at by your doctor.  It probably felt like too much of an undertaking for you to go the day after your fall. I wish I lived close by and could help you run errands and things.

So Gracie got her phone!  That's wonderful!  She'll be calling you all the time now.  I really do want you to follow through on moving closer to your kiddos okay?  Get on those waiting lists NOW.

Love you much!

Hi again Vickie....yes after the holidays I am going to start getting on waiting lists for senior housing near my daughter Carrie's or Amanda. Amanda and Tyler just bought a house. My daughter Carrie and I are the only ones that know right now. They want to announce it themselves. They are in Oregon now.

I would so love to be down in Texas with you! 2 degrees isn't bad yet. Soon it will be minus 15, 25, 35 etc..

My doctor was really nice to me. She was just a little stern for a bit...LOL.

 Gracie loves her phone!!! She is quick at texting too!! She was sending me messages on Jamie's phone while they shopped....silly girl!!!!

I just got up to take my Meds. Back to rest now.

I love you Vickie....have a good evening...connie d

Hi Ladies,

I got up at 8 am to take my pills and have breakfast. I'm dog sitting today so I went let them out then I went to my pastor's house for the ladies luncheon.  We made wooden snowmen.  Then I came back to sit with the dogs until 5 pm. Then I'll go home eat dinner. Make my cheesecake for church dinner tomorrow.  I made some fudge Thursday night and gave half away yesterday. 

Have a nice day  everyone. Thought and prayers  for everyone.

Love and hugs,

Yvonne 

Hello again. I got my haircut and it is okay I think. I won't really be able to tell until I wa**** and style it myself. 

Then I went to the store and managed to spend $200 there!  WTH?  I only went in for a couple of items.  But I wound up buying seafood and steaks for Christmas. And I bought new red place mats. And this kit of ready to decorate gingerbread men for the boys. And stocking stuffers.  And . . . Well, you get the picture.

So I'm giving myself an hour to rest (my legs hurt so badly after walking all over the store) and then I'm going into candy production mode.

I think tomorrow I might do some more sewing.  We'll see. I could also clean house but who wants to do THAT!  LOL!

Love you all.