It's The Friday AfterThanksgiving

Good morning.  Can't believe it's already the Friday after Thanksgiving.  Seems like 2015 has flown by in a lot of ways.

We've been having computer issues and I've spent the last few days on the phone with software technicians.  Really, what I should say is that I've spent the last few days ON HOLD. 

We had a quiet Thanksgiving.  It was nice.  Just hubby, the dog and I. 

It's been real cold here but it's been dry which has been a nice break from all the rain we had been receiving.  But, rain is good after the dry spell we had during the spring and summer. 

I have lots of follow up calls to make today.  I've got a list so I don't forget any.  It seems I have to write everything down on a list or on my calendar otherwise I space it.

I hope you have a good day.  It will be my mission to avoid the crowds.  I do have to go to the store to pick up a few things but it will be a quick trip in and out.

Hugs and kisses.

Cindy P.

Good Morning Cindy P. & OFF Ladies to Follow!

A quiet Thanksgiving sounds nice to me! Sometimes I wish there was not so much hoopla & high expectations around holidays! I will drive by the guy cutting his grass or the lady sitting on her porch on my way to a dinner or barbeque and think 'that is a nice way to spend the day!'

But I do hope everyone enjoyed Thanksgiving in their own favorite ways. I have no plans to go near a store today...I will cyber shop and then make any purchases on cyber Monday!

We went to Jim's sister's house yesterday. There were a lot of ppl as she had both sides of the family. TONS OF FOOD! I did pretty well, though. I used some of my calories on a sample piece of cheesecake....yum! I have eaten more this past week with all the activities, but have stayed under 1000 calories when 800 is my goal. I will forgive myself and get back on track.

I again appreciate all the kind words from everyone. I am relieved the week is behind me and I can return to some 'normalcy.' It is not good in some ways to get caught too long in a grieving spot. My focus needs to be elsewhere. I have found myself obsessing about the autopsy results and googling my brother's cause of death to see if there is a link between that and my own heart issue - afib. His heart just ruptured. My older brother thinks his smoking and not having regular physicals, blood work, etc. led to this happening b/c he had no symptoms he spoke of.

I need to move on...

Anyhow, I went for a job interview Wednesday morning. It is just what I want so I pray I get it. I would be driving adolescents to day treatment at our local mental hospital. It is a Monday-Friday job...6am-8am in morning and 3-5pm in afternoon. Great pay and they offer benefits for part-timers! I am hoping to hear something early next week.

So everyone has been pretty busy...I have read the posts...

Vickie...God bless you for taking care of your grandkids for extended periods of time. I don't think I could deal with that age for any length of time anymore. What beautiful memories you are making for them! And then the cooking on top of that! Geez...WonderWoman! I hope your family enjoyed memories of Butch as you all shared the day together.

Mary...I know in some ways the holiday had to be tough for you as well without Jim, but you have such a positive outlook on things and keep plugging away at what you need and want to do. I admire that! I am glad you got to spend time with your daughter and Joe...love your sense of humor about him, and your granddaughter. While you are enjoying having her today...I am enjoying Jazz being with her mom...lol!

Connie..I don't think you posted yesterday and I missed you! I could hear your frustration about Nic being called on to do other chores when you have your own things that need to be taken care of, and surely are in more need than Tom. I do hope Nic has time to help you out despite it sounding like him being stretched thin. I am sorry you are still not feeling well. Please let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do!

Eileen...your brother is such a jewel...he really takes care of you. He is exactly what the doctor ordered! It sucks, though, that you went from being more active w/less pain, but the mental pressure from what's his name to being less active w/MORE pain to less mental pressure thanks to Gary. I hope you can find a treatment you are comfortable with and that helps you!

Trish, as I said previously I hope you continue to heal as I don't see you as a person that can be down for long. It is great to hear how well your daughter is taking care of you! As many problems as daughters can present I know mine are always there when I need them most which relieves some of my maternal guilt over parenting long past! And BTW...the Eagles are a mess already this season...smh!

Arlene, everytime I read your posts I am SO glad you decided to come around more often! Your subtle sense of humor just cracks me up! I have an ongoing war of words with my former husband's stepdaughter on FB...she is from Philly...supposedly tough girl area, but moved to FL & whines everytime the temps fall below 65. You should have heard her earlier this week when you guys got that cold snap! And I continue to giggle about your ex!

Jeannie...so glad you made it home safely & seemed to really enjoy your trip! Too bad about the stomach virus & your concerns about your daughter...mine don't complain about their upbringings despite the hard times, but I have one who just grills me to death on different family members and situations. Her memories are so far off and therefore her info is very inaccurate and I feel like she sucks up a lot of energy when she wants to take her trips down memory lane. It is always something w/our kids!

Cindi B....I know you've been busy as always, but you have not been visiting as often and that makes me sad! But I know getting a house in order is time-consuming especially when you are building things yourself...ye Gods, woman! Is there anything you can't do?

Judy...everytime I read your posts it reminds me of one of the reasons I had to leave my job at the shelter. Same damn **** all the time...no home learning as we used to say. Geez, how many years until retirement? I finally got to the point where I didn't want that drama anymore let alone need it in my life. At least you have Rick to share stuff with...sometimes I think Jim got real tired of hearing me vent.

Well, I am going to sign off for now. Everyone enjoy their long weekend and be good to themselves.

Hi Kathy!  We were posting at the same time.

Kathy,

I don't know what it is with our kids but they seem to focus on one or two things and if your daughter is anything like mine, she cannot let it go.  A few years ago, we were at my sister's and my daughter said something like yeah, when I was in high school, my mom bought me those cheap Penny's Arizona jeans while my friends were all wearing guess jeans...my sister said, you are such a little liar...your mom bought you both....two or three pairs of guess and two or three pair of Arizona....and those Arizona jeans were not cheap jeans.  You are so ungrateful...your mom took her disability check and spent more money than she had so you and your brother could dress nice....and you criticize her....she was recovering from a broken back and neck and we never thought she would walk again but she still tried to keep you kids living like you did before the accident.  My daughter walked away...she hates me over freakin' jeans.  Freakin' jeans that she swears she never had.  Now it's the you never bought me a car....yep...a car.   what the hell.  

But, you and I just have to walk away...what is it with these kids. 

I know your post is not funny, but my daughter sounded like that till maybe ten years ago.

She wore rags, she had the worst clothes, blah blah.

Yea she wishes. I was raising her alone (which is part of the reason I had hard feelings toward her father) with $30 dollars a week from him. Meanwhile I paid for rent, food, clothes for her and myself, transportation, repairs, etc. and all the other goodies. When I remarried the second time...she got all the best. I didn't want her to be picked on in school like I had because we really did have hand me downs. After my divorce from her step dad, my daughter would tell people she had terrible clothes. She has since reformed and has stopped saying these things. There is hope out there for moms of children who say these things.

Arlene,

my children's father never paid a penny of child support until they were almost grown and the state of AR went after him when I went on disability after my car accident...then he only paid 75 a month, which was supposed to include back pay....my daughter has select amnesia and she is almost 40 years old and I thought by now she would have stopped with the poor me story...she remembers nothing of all the wonderful Christmas gifts that she and her brother got....I told her the other day that her memories are hyper focused on one event out of millions of events....I asked her who took her to Disney, and six flags, and all those really cool vacations....who financed that?  She said that was one thing out of the entire year...the rest of the year you worked....excuse me. I worked. 

I hear you...

One thing I would say though as that despite the BS that gets shoveled our way at times I am still amazed by what I call the 'cycles of life.' My girls had a lot of misconceptions about how other ppl lived, etc. and it always hurt me that they seemed to feel I did not offer them the same advantages (financial & otherwise) that they desired so badly. (I was a single mom for 10 years!)

However, now they are in the age bracket I was in when they had these thoughts, feelings or what I call fantasies...lol, and they will often say they don't know how I did it with 3 girls. They seem to be coming around and realizing the struggle and recognizing their perceptions were way off base.

But still...they think what they want to think, see what they want to see, and believe what they want to believe. I hate saying it, but one of the biggest breakthroughs in my relationships w/all 3 of my daughters was when their dad passed this past January and cut them out of his will justifying his behavior (once again) for doing so. As hurtful as it was for them their thoughts, feelings & beliefs around issues we had over the years were mostly dispelled by that one unforgiveable act. They recognized then who was there for them.

I hope your daughter comes to her senses before it is too late...

My oldest brother used to complain when I got certain clothes for birthday presents and he got underwear or something else. For instance, I got bellbottom jeans one birthday (it was what I requested). He still *****es about that one. But he doesn't remember that my parents bought him a car so he could drive to college because he was commuting and sometimes gave him gas money. No, that was never mentioned. I bought my own first car, although along the way my mom helped me out more times than I care to mention. 

I think our parents helped each of us the best they could. 

Aw, thanks Kathy.

I try, I try. I know i told everyone I didn't want to get into the living situation with the ex, but I do it for my daughter, he has so many health issues, and no I don't take care of him, and on the plus side his family is here. Of course they were my family a long time ago and I am blessed to be here with them.

I have no more immediate family left except for my younger sister. Mom and dad are gone, and my older sister passed this past year. I hadn't seen her in quite a while. I adore my younger sister with all my heart, but she is into her daughter's life and we didn't do much together the past few years. Her choice, not mine.

From growing up Italian American, I was so close to my dad's side of the family when I was growing up. I had lived in FL for years and years when I moved back to CT in 1998. Although it was so very difficult to live there on my own, I got to reconnect with my wonderful family and second cousins. Close knit Italian family.

Well, Joe's sister Carla is a wonderful person, very close knit with her children and their children. Her sisters still live in CT and she misses them, but she is here. And, despite the complaining I do about her brother, I do love her and the family.

Still so sad to hear about your brother's cause of death. No one knows why things happen the way they do in life. Maybe it was the smoking, who knows? We all grieve in our own way and our own timeline. It is healthy of you to try to move on, but know when you hurt, we are there with you.

Whew. The eating. I felt like I was going to blow up after eating at Carla's daughter's house. Just one plate of goodies. Oof. Back on track too, today.  Sounds like your Thanksgiving was festive. Don't worry. We all slip. A word of caution. I almost left OFF before I found the over fifty group. There are a FEW people on OFF that will bite one's head off if they cheat. Some of these people have stayed on course, or so they say for eight nine years and have never slipped. No wonder they bite everyone's head off. Well, take care.

Arlene, I can certainly understand your reasons for your current living situation and why you made that choice. I have really made an effort as I grow older to not judge b/c I have been in situations I never envisioned myself in and it is frustrating when I know ppl question my judgment.

An ex who is a parent is always family (in my book) whether we like it or not. I had a similar relationship w/my ex's mother & sister who have both passed. I loved them to death even though we were not blood. My sister-in-law was my best friend for many years...we raised all our daughters together. I miss both of them dreadfully especially now that our girls are adults. I often wonder what they would say.

It has to be hard to be the only one left in your immediate family except for your younger sister who seems to have other priorities. I consider myself close to my sister, but she lives an hour away and has money to travel, shop, go to movies, etc. and I do not. She also has more free time...we have Jazz. So we are not as close as I would like...geographically or socially.

I go to the VSG site a few times a week and hear some of the nasty stuff. Bottom line is this is my life and while I appreciate feedback I need to make my own choices. I cannot imagine never straying for years from your 'plan.' we are human. Just my opinion, though..lol!