Thursday

Hello sistas, I just wanted to check in.  I made it thru the day although I cried and cried at Edward Jones.  It was so embarrassing but I just couldn't stop.  I'm so glad Carrie was with me.  

I am feeling so very blessed tonight. It's hard to talk about it, but my husband was such a good man and he worked so hard.  I don't say this to brag but I feel the need to acknowledge my husband for the good provider that he was. I really don't have to worry about working ever again.  And while I won't have a lavish lifestyle, I will be able to live comfortably for the rest of my life.  He was such a good man and he took such good care of me always. I can't help but cry when I think about it. 

However when I think about my life for the next 30 years or so, I just panic.  What on earth am I going to do with myself?  I need to have a purpose.  I will be involved with my kids and grands of course, but what will I do for all those years? I need to think and pray about this.  Surely God has a plan for my life. If I don't have to work to survive then what will my work be?  I have much to consider. 

Tomorrow is the setting of the headstone at the cemetery.  We stopped there on the way back from town this evening and I just cried and cried.  My eyes hurt from so much crying today.  I just feel like he's been left in the middle of nowhere all by himself.   Carrie says "no, Mama, he's happy being out there near the farm where he grew up."  Well maybe. But I'm not happy being so far away from him. It's very hard. 

I guess I'd better close. I hope I can sleep tonight. I'm so exhausted but so emotional.  It's a bad combination. 

Love you all. 

Hello our dear sweet Vickie...I am sad that you are so sad. What an awful few days you have been through. It doesn't feel comforting to  know Butch took such good care of you, as I know you would rather he was alive. He was a great husband and always looked after his family. I am glad you have to not work and that you will be comfortable.

Losing Butch is a horrible loss for you. You had so much love between you. That is hard to just ignore. Don't be hard on yourself. There is nothing wrong with crying. You have a damn good reason to cry!

Tomorrow will be another one of those really hard days. I am so glad Carrie is there with you. Hug each other for me!

I keep you in my thoughts and prayers...all of you!!

Love you much....HUGS.....connie d

((((((hugs)))) Vickie -- I know you had a very difficult day -- you've been dreading it for a long time, but now you have the information you needed to know what your "situation" is.  Butch was a wonderful man, and he made sure you would be taken care of after he was gone.  Now the holidays are upon us, and they will be very emotional too.  All we can do is try to focus on the wonderful memories to comfort us. 

Mary

Vickie, I'm so glad you were set up well by Butch. My mom had a similar experience after my dad died. She found all sorts of bank books in her name with money in them ... and lots of money. He had CDs socked away ... but all of them in her name so when he died, she didn't have to pay tax. My dad didn't even graduate from high school, yet he worked very hard to put us all through college and still socked enough away to make sure mom was taken care of (well, I'm sure he thought he was going to be there too ... but when it came down to it and he knew he had kidney disease and terminal cancer, he just moved everything over to her name). 

As for what you will do, what do you like to do? What is your bliss? You enjoy sewing and crocheting ... maybe there's something there. Or maybe you can write a book or two. You'll find something in you. 

Hang on, you're getting through all this. I'm glad Carrie is with you.