GRIEF SUCKS

Grief just really really sucks. I got up this morning determined to make some progress at the lake house but instead all I did was cry. And cry and cry. I can't handle going out there. I just can't. And I can't get anything done. I just want to die.

I came home after bawling my eyes out for several hours and there was my mom. She just can't seem to understand that I want to be left alone. She got upset with me and it was all I could do not to tell her to go to hell. Or f* off. Anything. Just go away.

I can't clean that lake house up by myself. Even if I had the physical strength to do it I don't have the emotional strength. And there's always a problem. Just today I couldn't get the back door open and I had to break in through a window. Then the battery on Butch's truck was dead and I had to jump it. Then I was planning on using the wheel barrow to move these 50 # bags of potting soil and the wheel barrow was gone. I guess somebody took it. It's never ending.

I've done the small stuff. What's left is the big things. Generators, table saws, furniture, etc. It's just beyond me.

I'm so emotional when I'm out there I can't think let alone act. And I miss my husband so much I just want to die. I just wish that place would burn to the ground and I could be done with it.

I'm sorry. I should just delete this. I just don't think I've ever hurt this badly over anything in my life and I don't know what to do when the grief overwhelms me but hide. But I can't afford to keep hiding. I've got to get rid of that place. I can't afford to keep it. And I can't face being there either. My life is a mess.

Vic,

Grief is so so hard and everyone handles it differently. I know what it's like to lose a mother and also my brother, but I cannot imagine how horrible it is to lose your forever home and that is what Butch was. No matter where he was, he was your anchor, your home. I suspect that you will always be learning, every day, how to be at home without him. If I were closer, I would come help you. Maybe we should do our sewing party at your lake house and instead of sewing, we could all work towards helping you get the house emptied out.

Maybe you should put your daughter's husband and Butch's family to work. I wish they were more helpful.

If you have some wine, drink a glass or two and sit and watch the night come...tomorrow, let's hope, will be a better day. You are strong; we know that about you.

Hello Vickie....my heart is breaking for you!! There isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for you!! I wish my health would allow me to help. I would be there in a heartbeat.

I think I would either take up Cindi's offer....which is a good one, or you need to get Butch's family involved. Or do both!! You know how helpful they can be. You know they would come. All you have to do it call. I know your mom is your only family member as you are an only child. I am crying just reading and answering this.

Please Vickie...just call and have Butch's brother and what other family members he can round up, come and clean that place out. I really hope you don't have to go there again. Butch's death was not that long ago. You need to do what is healthy for you.

I love you so much....I wish I could physically help you.

Like always...I am always here for you!!!

More love and bunches of hugs.....connie d

HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Vic I hurt with you...I know its not the same but I feel your hurt....wish there was a way that you could get some help...did you have a church there? Maybe they could come help you? Maybe an Auction? I know that sounds terrible...but you would be done with it all...Where is the family that said they would help you?

Hang in there sweetie...better days WILL come!!!

HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Aw Dear Vic: wish I could help other than just give you a virtual hug.

jen

Vickie, I feel your pain.

When my husband of 26 years died, we had two houses and I had to sell one. I couldn't cope either. I ended up having others do it for me. I told them the things I wanted to keep, and told them to take everything else and sell it, and they got paid a fee for their work, and a percentage of the sales. There were some things I should have kept when I think back, but I was just not able to deal with everything. This time, with Jim, I only have his clothes and "collectibles" to deal with, and a motorcycle, so Maura's boyfriend is handling it for me.

But you hit the nail on the head - Grief S.U.C.K.S. Rant and vent all you want.

Mary

Feeling sad for you, Mary. As I advised Vicky take one step, one breath at a time. Much love.

Oh Vicki, I cried when I read your post. So sorry for the hell you are going through. All I can say is many of us love you and if you are not ready to go to the lake house, then don't till you are ready. You were blessed with a beautiful spouse and now he is gone. Of course you miss him. One day, one step at a time, my friend, one breath at a time.

Vickie- I can give you several long weekends to help. I am an expert sorter, photographer, handy person. Let me know and I'll be down.

Cindi

Vickie, I wish there was something I could do...

Losing someone is something you never get over..

you can only try to get thru it one day at a time.

I pray for you every night...your pain is tangible!