My Rant for the Day!

Hello Ladies!

I need to rant, but part of it is political so if you want to stay out of it I understand!

We had an officer involved shooting in our town this past Friday. The officer was white...the kid was black...armed w/an unregistered gun & previous felony so not allowed to carry a firearm. He has a flesh wound to the thigh. Of course w/everything going on in the world a large black crowd gathered & were basically harassing the police, but things were kept under control.

Saturday night there was a riot in a public housing site in another part of town...6 black men were arrested...a couple of them charged w/offensive touching of police officers. Today there was a shooting at another all black neighborhood. All this violence just started here about 2 years ago. It was a small, quiet area for decades. This kind of stuff never happened here...now it is spiraling out of control.

My Facebook feed is filled w/the nastiest racist comments I have ever read! It is like we have gone backwards 75 years! It makes me angry & scared especially since Jazz is mixed. What kind of world is she coming into?

Anyhow, I have a FB friend & we have always enjoyed sparring about political issues.He is very right wing & I tend to be more middle of the road...I have changed back & forth over the years depending on who is in the race. Today, we got into it b/c things are so heated & he was getting very racist. Then 3 of his friends starting chiming in w/their equally racist remarks. I stood my ground, but I guess I never should have spoken openly about my beliefs. I do not think it is fair to judge a whole race by the behavior of some of their members...even if it appears it is becoming a MAJORITY of its members. I believe all this crap...in part led by the talking heads on the different media outlets...is just polarizing black & white.

I know talking politics as well as religion is not a good thing, but I could not keep my mouth shut a minute longer. These men were so nasty & unkind & their excuse for being 'racist' was the behavior of the black community. I don't think that is justifiable.

Anyhow, I will not make public comments about politics again, but geez these guys pissed me off!

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!

Secondly, y'all know we are raising our granddaughter, Jazz. This can be a challenge in enough ways, but dealing w/what I consider to be idiotic parents at this stage of the game just irks me to no end!

Jazz has had the same best friend the past 3 years. She is a good girl & we love her to death. However, her parents are a different matter. A few months into the girls' friendship her best friend started coming home w/Jazz directly after school. We knew both parents worked & she was latchkey so a few times/weekly was not a problem...even though they never asked if it was okay.

She was coming everyday within 6 months...1st staying a hour, then 2 & last year it was until 5 or 5:30. Again, the parents never asked us to 'watch her' so we felt uncomfortable bringing it up. The dad would come get her & never said a word. He is difficult to speak with...after 3 years there is no real friendship. The mom works out of town & does not get home until 7-8pm.

All this time we were assuming we should let it slide...the friend was no problem...she'd be home alone for hours if not at our house, and the girls always got along. But the parents also pissed us off...Jazz was never 'allowed' over there b/c her parents weren't home & if they were the friend always had something she had to do so Jazz couldn't visit. They have never invited Jazz to spend the night, go out to dinner w/them or entertain her in any way. Weird, right? Or am I being sensitive?

Anyhow, we find out a few weeks ago the dad gets off work at 3pm...all this year we thought he was a 9-5...so why is his daughter here EVERY DAY until 5:30? That just really got to me. Then today Jazz comes in & tells me a 3rd friend came home 'w/them' today b/c the best friend's dad & the other friend's mother had made arrangements for her to go to cheerleading practice w/them...which wasn't until 5pm...2 1/2 hors after they get home! So this dad...who is not home before 3:30...is making the assumption for us we won't mind watching another kid?

So I PM'd the mother who was at work & 'only knew' her husband had agreed to allow the friend to come home w/his daughter & 'she assumed it would be no problem for the girls to come to our house since the best friend comes over everyday' & 'her husband would be 'picking them up when he got done work as always!' I had to control myself from saying 'don't you know your daughter is here for HOURS every afternoon b/c your husband never comes to get her for 2 hours after he apparently arrives home!' I didn't want to cause a problem between them & have Jasmyn possibly suffer any fallout. But BOTH parents are making me see red! I don't like feeling taken advantage of & I don't like that they have NEVER had Jazz over there!

I really have no idea how to handle this. And I hate having to deal w/younger parents being a grandparent. We have gone thru being THE oldest or one of the few oldest at Jasmyn's events over the years...Brownies, school functions, clubs, friends & it can be very frustrating. Jazz is worth all the BS, but damn I'd just like to be the grandma who got to spoil her again & not have to deal w/the day to day crap again involved in child raising.

Anyhow, I know these 2 issues are minor compared to what others are going thru like Vickie & Mary,,,and Eileen's loss of her SIL, but I had to get this off my chest before I try to go to sleep. I am just all wound up!

Thanks!

Kathy,

i bite my tongue continuously to stay out of politics here and on FB, but sometimes you just need to be honest about who you are. I think the division right now between right and left is magnified to the nth degree by the media.... It is ridiculous and petty and juvenile. 

Jazz is so lucky to have you as her parent now. I was in education until my retirement a year ago and I know that many children/teens/young adults are struggling to keep afloat. It is terrible that the parents take advantage of your generosity, but the kids probably need you. I have no answers of course. I think   We would all do better if we could qui****ching tv and start trying to find common ground with others sans the political crap. 

Feel free to vent on me....Julia

What a difficult situation.  You don't want to be taken advantage off, but you don't want Jazz's friend to suffer the consequences of having an idiot for a father.  I guess the only thing you can focus on is the fact that you are helping the young girl, bringing some joy and structure into her life.  You are such a good person!  

Mary

Kathy, try to let their comments roll off your back. 

As for the parents of the two girls -- the fact that they haven't asked whether or not it's OK with you for their girls to spend so much time at your house says a lot about them.  These young ladies are more than likely starved for adult attention and guidance that they get at your place.  I know it's a bitter pill to swallow. 

I hope you feel free to speak your mind on OFF.  So, I say:  vent whenever you need to.

Cindy P.

Hello Kathy...you feel free to vent all you want. I agree with you in both situations.

Our country is in a lot of trouble right now. It is very scary. I am so tired of all this racist crap. We all need to just quit dividing into colors and just be accountable for out own behavior. Not all white are bad, not all blacks are bad, not all oriental are bad, not all police are bad...you get what I mean. This labeling is just crazy!! We have definitely gone back many years!!! 

As for your "daycare" the parents are obviously not very bright. I would never assume my child could daily go to a friends house after school without contacting the parents to be sure it was okay first. I feel sorry for the two girls. They feel safe and comfortable in your home. I would be doing the same thing you are doing. Although I think it is a lot to ask on your part. You are in a tough spot. I don't think it is right of these people to just assume!

I am sorry I am no help. I know what you mean about just being a grandma some days.  

I would talk this over with your therapist. 

Vent all you want...I am here for you!!

Love you much...hugs...connie d

Hi Kathy,

I totally understand your situation, on both issues.  

When I was working on my Masters in Social Work, we spent a lot of time discussing racism, not just in the U.S., but world wide.  Unfortunately, in spite of having an African American president, and the Supreme Court declaring that we don't have racism in this country, and weakening the Voting Rights Act, I know there is racism.  To deny it is is to stick your head in the sand.  What we've learned in the last year, thanks to technology, is that there are some really good cops, most of them.  And, we have some racist cops, who sometimes decide to take shortcuts and shoot first, like that incident in South Carolina, where the cop shot someone in the back, and then tried to make it look like the deceased was trying to taze him.  Fortunately, a bystander filmed it, and the truth came out.  At the same time, we have a society where the majority of African Americans are law abiding, and just trying to get out of the bad neighborhoods, while there are a smaller amount who are criminal.  Unfortunately, certain media outlets will try to portray those criminals as representative of all.  Plus, most of them who are killed by police were not felons, and regardless of their criminal history, did not deserve to die.  Especially if they were unarmed to begin with.

As for the problem with the girls, it might be a good idea to make contact with the parents, and, if you don't mind them being at your house for a while, just give the parents your number, and ask them to call, or text, each afternoon.  God forbid there be an emergency where you are unable to be home, so they know the girls aren't at your house.  When my kids were in elementary school, the girl next door, Colleen's best friend, kept coming over in the morning after both her parents left for work.  I'd feed her breakfast, and send all three off to school.  I knew her home life sucked, and the sister was sent away to an alcohol rehab.  We made her part of the family as much as we could.  In spite of her family, she had perfect attendance from the first day of Kindergarten to graduation.  

Love you

I bite my tongue and try not to get into politics on Facebook. I did once and got into a ******g match with someone I didn't know. People I know who share my views, I'll agree on their stuff and sometimes share. But I will not get into arguing against someone else's views ... they have a right to their views.

As for the afterschool arrangements, I wonder somehow if Jazz's friend is afraid to be home alone with her dad. 

And, btw, it was my SIL's mom that died. SIL is alive and well, thank god. I'd hate to lose Margaret. She's an angel.

I almost forgot.  I hate that there are some sick criminals, both Black and White, who target law enforcement officers, like what happened in Texas this week, and today in Illinois.  While there are bad cops in some law enforcement agency, nobody deserves to die.  They should be brought to justice, just like the criminals who they arrest.

I can only say, having been raised in the only integrated neighborhood of my home town, i find the violence appalling and thr bigotry puts me over the wall. I actually stopped responding to all political post quite a while ago when two people (both friends of mine) who do not know each other except thru my reposting a couple of well written comments got into a p***ing match on FB 

As for the two girls, one way you might handle it is to send a letter explaining that since their daughter has been coming to your home daily for twi or more hours you would like the following: a release of liability shouldcshe be injured in your home (you could make up a form). A list of any medication she is taking, any allergies, or medical issues you need to be aware of. Cobtact information in case ofcan emergency.  The child's pediatrician in case of an emergency. Any special dietary restrictions. Any tv programs or books they don't want their child to see or read. All of this is something i would consider essential, particularly since there is no ongoing relationship with the parents. I hate to say it, but they are very presumptive, and irresponsible, and even derelict in therr duties as a parent. I guess i have no right to say that, as i have no children of my own. With that said, i asked for all the thibgs i listed from my sister's and thecparents of my neices and nephews friends when they came to vacation with me for a few days.

Hope it works itself out for yhe benefit of all and especially the girls. Friends at that age are so important.  

Blessings,

Francine . 

Hello Ladies!

I just wanted to thank everyone *****sponded to my rant! I felt validated knowing you felt the same way about both issues. Sometimes I really 2nd guess myself when in the middle of emotional situations.

I found it interesting my FB friend posted yesterday he is going 'off the book' for a month due to how upset he was getting over all the political stuff in his news feed. I think a lot of us are just 'up to here' with all the negativity. I will not discuss politics in an open-type forum again, but I do wish we could all just be more kind & accepting of each other.

In the words of Rodney King.. 'why can't we all just get along?'

Many of you complimented us on the situation w/Jazz's friend. I appreciate it! I agree that I do not think she has much of a home life due to her mom working 12 hour days & her dad being who he is. I do not think she is in a abusive situation, but I suspect she has been expected to be operate like an adult. She is expected to perform well in school, participate in band, go to her mother's horse shows every weekend & help her clean the barn, exercise the horse & run various errands. None of these are 'bad' things except I get the impression they are her parent's choices...not hers, and that she has no downtime at home due to the mother having little free time & the dad doing whatever he does or does not do.

She calls us MeMe & Grandpa, loves to sit & talk to us & especially loves it when Jazz's mom comes over & does both girls hair & nails. It just gets frustrating when another kid comes into the mix who I know has a somewhat similar home situation & this dad 'dumps' her here, too. We aren't in our 30's or 40's & after 25+ years in social work I cannot 'save the world' ...as if I ever saved anyone in the 1st place...lol!

So many thanks to everyone!