Need to vent big time

No worries.  I appreciate suggestions.

Hi Trish,

I am sorry for what you are going through w/your mom & sister.

Our entire family fell apart when both my parents became ill within months of each other. My brothers did not recognize the seriousness of their situations (denial?) and my sister & I had to 'take over' in order to get things stable. Then, b/c we made decisions our brothers did not like it became a power struggle for awhile...then we became estranged.

Does your mom have a medical power of attorney? Whoever she has designated has the power to make decisions on her behalf. that was something my brothers did not understand...my sister was my mom's & I was my dad's. Besides, my mom was on board w/the decisions we made regarding her care, and I took in my dad for well over a year until we (4 ppl) could no longer care for him. Again, my brothers (2 of them at this point) created major issues, but the power of attorney (and faith I was doing what was best for dad) saved me.

If your mom does not have a medical power of attorney or power of attorney in general now would be the time to get them. Your sister's dependence on your mom only creates a barrier in getting what your mom needs.

Wish you the best. this is such a difficult & heartbreaking situation for all involved!

I tried to get Mom to let me schedule an appointment with a lawyer for a power of attorney when I was home in July, but in order to get an appointment with Legal Aid, she would have to make the phone call.  Mom refused.  I spoke with private attorneys to find out the laws in Pennsylvania, and both told me that the ones copied off the Internet may be legal, but they could be challenged in the case of an aging parent, because of questions of taking advantage of someone who may, or may not be competent to sign it.  At least a lawyer would be able to assess if Mom understands what she's doing at the time of signing it.  

Whether I like it or not, Sis would be Mom's power of attorney, coz of geography and Mom made her the executrix of her will.  I'd be fine with that, except Sis is such a pushover where Mom is concerned.  My sis-in-law and I are united, but since Kathy's not blood, and my brother, her first husband, is gone, that leaves it to Sis and me.  

Love ya.

I can relate ... we had to force mom into assisted living, after we forced her to have 24/7 caretakers. She wanted none of this, but we made her do it. My brothers were adamant, and there was no one she could go crying to because we were all united in this. I guess I'm lucky in this ... my brothers have been good caretakers. But I can understand how this can happen. Vent all you want. 

Trish

Sorry you are going through this.  Ill pray that you can get something resolved with your mother.

Hugs,

Yvonne

Trish, 

I know this may seem drastic. But you are in an impossible situation and your mother is in danger. Consider reporting the situation to Adult Protect Services. They have to investigate.  If nothing else, it will get someone close at hand and objective involved. They may force your sister and mom into accepting reality and putting some safety measures in place. Sometimes it takes something radical to change the situation.  

You are in my prayers