Sunday Greetings
Cindi, I regained 72 pounds and am frustrated trying to lose it. I hate myself for it. I'm trying not to graze as much; I do it more when I'm home than at work. I started seeing a therapist for this reason alone, then I was attacked, which added another reason for therapy. I also am an impulsive person ... I buy things impulsively and spend money on things I don't really need. I've gotten some of that under control (no credit cards, just an auto loan now). So when I do buy stuff, it's money I have. But sometimes I forget what bills I have to pay and spend the money, then realize ... oh-oh, I was supposed to pay ... such and such, what am I going to do now? I've gotten into the habit of writing everything down, so I think I've conquered that. But my weight ... ah, that's a lifelong struggle. I've only dumped a few times. Exercise is a chore for me because of my bad knees and back, so it has to be the pool, which I love. I have a big addiction to dark chocolate.
Enough confession, we all have our issues, Cindi. I'll always swing chickens for any OFFer. Hang in there.
Cindi, I had RNY in '04. I lost all the weight I wanted to lose. I started gaining in '06/'07 and am now within a few pounds (and I mean just single digits) of my pre-surgery weight. I now have all the co-morbidities that I had in the first place. This is the first time I have, on-line, admitted this to anyone. I was so moved by your post I decided to come clean myself. I have made an appointment with our weight loss surgeon. I see him the end of September. I know that he is probably going to tell me protein first, small portions, exercise, etc. Everything I already "know" in my head but have ignored all these years.
It started innocently enough -- I could no longer walk five miles a day. Then, my mother broke her neck and we had to move her here to an assisted living facility (and later memory care) because of her injuries and dementia. Then, my MIL had to be moved here as well. A few pounds turned into many pounds. For a long while, I just didn't care or couldn't make myself care about me. I've always had to fight negative self-talk and my out of control eating was just another thing for me to berate myself with.
I am fighting the idea that I should feel ashamed when I walk into the surgeon's office. I know that thinking like that will likely sabotage my visit to see him and that I could even cancel the appointment if I let myself. However, it is going to take COURAGE to walk through his door.
I have faced many difficult things in my life and I wonder why eating more than I should continues to plague me. It is somewhat baffling -- however, I know that it is a complicated issue for me and is often accompanied with very negative thinking and language towards myself.
I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Cindy P.
Cindy P-
Thank you for sharing. It is nice to learn that I am not alone. I too have considered cancelling the appointment but I won't. I'll go and see what they can do. One thing I am learning is that I don't want the co-morbidities back so I have to take action. Again, thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone.
Cindi B.
Dear Cindi,
The first couple things that came to mind reading your post was 1) how much pain you must have been in to hold back from disclosing your weight regain from the group and 2) how happy I am that you shared this with us.
I know I have found my hunger...my HEAD hunger is directly tied to my feelings. I am not always clear on what I am feeling at times which complicates my ability to connect the dots. I have 'stuffed' my feelings w/food for so many years there are feelings that come up I don't even recognize when they appear. I also self-sabotage.
You have a lot on your plate and I am sure that has contributed greatly to your eating. I have read on the other pages the sleeve does not stretch out, but have never asked my surgeon. Regardless, so many ppl regain weight...after all...I believe w/all my heart obesity is a disease, and it needs ongoing treatment.
Return to your surgeon without shame (like a gynecologist they have seen everything...lol!) and let him/her get you back on track. I think I can speak for all the ladies here when I say we are behind you 100%.
Please, keep us posted! (And watch Judy on FB b/c I am going to kill her if she continues to post what she just ate!)
Hugs!
Kathy
I wanted to post a quick thank you to everyone who addressed my surgery delay...
I believe everything happens for a reason, and when this delay came up I thought of the stories that circulated about 911...all the folks who didn't make it to work in the Twin Towers due to oversleeping, kids making them late, traffic problems, car problems, etc. They survived the tragedy b/c they did not make it to work that day.
I am just disappointed. I need to get a PT job before I go crazy! We have sufficient income for our bills and a few extras, but nothing like when I was working. We have had to cut back on so much and I feel I owe it to Jazz to be able to provide some of the 'luxuries' she had before I retired.
But as Francine said: "In God's time..."
Thanks again!
Kathy
