Hello.....Saturday is here!

Jeannie,

I apologize about what I said.  I didn't mean to offend.  I guess I'm mainly bothered by all the hate and animosity that has filled the media with the church in South Carolina and the two decisions.  Personal feelings about those things wasn't my goal in bringing it up.  I just believe that regardless of which way a person swings on any of them, we, as more mature woman, could be role models of love and acceptance for the younger generations, in our personal lives and on social media.  I guess I didn't express myself.  I try to love, because that's what my faith teaches me.  I have not been a perfect saint, and I am not one to judge anyone here or in society.  The news has not upset me, it's the reactions of some of my friends on social media that has me concerned.  A lot of hate and insensitivity from people I thought I knew.  I hope this makes some sort of sense.  My brain has been Jello all day.  Please forgive me.  I really don't want to push anything on anyone.

Trish,

Nothing to forgive. I was concurring with you that yes it's a hotbed out there but no we don't need it in here.  You were right. 

Thank you Jeannie.  I appreciate that we can agree on that.  I also believe that regardless of political feelings out there, people should be able to agree to disagree agreeably.

Hugs

Hi Ladies,

Its a cool and gloomy day so its making me sleepy.  I might take a nap  this afternoon.  I have good news, my brother got my car fixed for me so I got wheels again.  For the ones that arent my Facebook friends, I reached onederland this week.  I cant believe how much I have lost.  This surgery was the best thing I have done for myself.  I will be doing laundry Tuesday.  Then going to see my primary dr Thursday and going to my brother's house for the weekend.

Praying for everyone especially Vicki and Butch.  She amazes me by her strength what she goes through in these trying times.  Im just glad that Butch isnt in pain thats a blessing in itself. 

Everyone have a good week.

Hugs,

Yvonne

Hello Yvonne....you are right...I have been sleepy all day too. I hope you got in a nice nap today. I wanted one but couldn't sleep.

I am so glad you are so happy with your weight loss...I am proud of you!! YAY...Onederland!!!!!

We love having you joining us here. You are always so pleasant and kind.  We are thankful for you! 

I am happy your brother was able to fix your car!!!

I do miss my car every now and then. Today I am so agitated and my depression is bad. I so much wish I could have driven down to the beautiful flower gardens here. I love it there. It is right off the Mississippi River. It is all kept up so lovely. People come here from other states just to tour these gardens. Maybe I will see if anyone is around with a car tomorrow and would want to go for awhile.

Have a good night...love and hugs to you....connie d

WOW...a lot being discussed today!

I sure hope I didn't offend anyone when I spoke of my sadness about Beau Biden's passing or my troubles /being raised Catholic!

I have found myself to be more open to ppl's religious (or lack thereof) & political beliefs as I have gotten older b/c you really can't have one w/out the other. My early religious teachings & exposure formed strong opinions that led to how I viewed the world & 'judged' others...people, government officials, the workplace, etc. But then life happened!

I was lucky to have ppl come into my life...or even just pass thru...who were not ppl I initially understood or came from the same world as myself. My job as a social worker broadened this aspect of my life. I have always found the 'differences' between myself & others to be of major interest. In the end I have found we are more alike as humans than different...which to me is very heartwarming & bonding.

In contrast, I do believe in evil...& some of what is happening in this world...not just w/groups like ISIS is a reflection of that. Someone had a post on FB about how 24 hour news coverage just kept escalating issues that do not need escalating. I so agree w/that viewpoint.

I feel like I am very fortunate & blessed that I found this group. Like Monique said in her post last night & others followed...this is a place we can come for help, for consolation, for support & honesty. We may have many different or opposing opinions, but we agree to disagree. My 12 step program suggested that when I attended meetings 'to take what I liked and leave the rest!' I have had to learn to use that in my own life w/3 adult children of my own & my stepkids from both marriages. I may not like or agree w/their decisions, lifestyle, etc., but if I stand on my principle alone I may end up alone & forfeit love & understanding in the process.

I have learned a little love & understanding go a long way even if things aren't MY way...

I feel unconditional love & acceptance here...maybe b/c we are a 'mature' (OK>>>older...lol) group of ladies.

I love & appreciate everyone of you for your individuality...the spice of life. I love to be educated to different viewpoints, opinions, etc.

I gotta run Jazz out...be back later! 

Dear Kathy...nothing you have said or done is in any way an issue. We just love you here and am  so glad you are here.

I so appreciate all the things you share with us. You are such a kind and caring lady. I really do thank God for leading you to us!

Have a good weekend....much love and many prayers...connie d

Hello my darling sistas!

I finally brought my laptop up here to the hospice house, so I can at long last type out a real post.  I actually got to go home for a few hours this morning.  First time I have been home in over two weeks.

I have so much I want to talk about, but let me first address the issue of religion and politics.  I agree totally that this forum should not be a platform for spouting political or religious doctrine.  I'm very much a live and let live type of person.  As Voltaire said, "I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend unto death your right to say it." So while I do not seek to convert anyone here to my own personal religious beliefs, I am a Christian and I do pray for myself, my family and my friends.  If there are others here of different faiths, or of no faith, I do not mean to offend when I ask for prayer or offer prayer.  I think we are all on the same page with this issue, but I just wanted to clarify.  I accept all kinds of prayers, well wishes, and swinging chickens in the spirit in which they are offered.  

Well, I don't really know what to tell y'all about Butch today.  He is still holding steady.  His heart rate is strong, his lungs are clear, and he's not had a single bite to eat in days now.  He's still drinking water, and that seems to be just enough to sustain him.  The doctor tells me that this could go on for several more days.  The body will metabolize the body fat first, and then will metabolize the muscle.  The last muscle will be the heart muscle.  I now know way more about the dying process than I ever wanted to know.  I can tell you that Butch's little hands and feet are freezing today.  That is definitely one of the signs.  The body works to protect the vital organs to the very end, and the extremities are the first to lose circulation.  

However, I am so thankful that for the past 3 days, Butch has been very lucid and very much in the moment when he is awake.  He seems to have lost some of the confusion that was bothering him last week.  Today he had a very long talk with his brother about the last thing that has been bothering him which is his gun collection.  Between Butch's guns and my daddy's guns, we have quite an extensive collection, some of which are quite valuable.  I, of course, only know a small bit about them, but Rusty is very knowledgeable like Butch is.  So they had a long discussion about the guns and how to value them and how to keep them for the boys one day--assuming that they want them.  Or Carrie may still marry and have children and some of them may want them.  Either way, I plan to hang on to them, whether I ever use them myself again.  I do keep a shotgun in the house.  (I can see the eyes rolling from here--LOL!  This is Texas, y'all.  I can and will protect my property and myself from intruders.)  

Anyway, I think maybe the guns were the last issue left hanging in Butch's mind.  I hope so.  We had quite an intense talk earlier this week.  He and I both cried during it, but he poured his heart out to me.  We discussed each and every family member and what he wanted for each of them.  We discussed finances and future actions and all sorts of things.  But the most precious thing we talked about (now you will see why I was talking about religion earlier) was how he saw Jesus the other morning.  He told me that he met Jesus on a road and they walked down it together for a ways, but then Butch stopped and turned around and came back.  I think it was because he still had some things he wanted to tell me.  But he seems so peaceful now.  He tells me he is ready to go anytime the Lord calls him.

As for me (as our sweet Connie says), I am hanging in there.  If the doctor calls Butch "our iron man", I am the no-iron woman.  I am so tired of being in this little room I could scream!  But I cannot leave my husband alone here.  I just can't.  I need to stay until the end and I intend to do just that.  The nurses and aides here are all so kind to me.  We are all on a first name basis and they treat me so well.  They are forever checking on me and trying to make sure that I eat something or take a nap or go for a walk or whatever.  I can honestly say that staying here at this hospice house has been a profoundly moving experience for me and has truly changed my life and my perception of death forever.  They have asked if I might write a little something about our experiences here and I have agreed to do so.  They also asked if I would consider becoming a volunteer here, and I am seriously thinking about it.  I'm not sure when exactly.  I don't know that I could bring myself to come back in here for several months, but then I think that I can see myself being here and providing comfort and support at some point in the future.  So we'll see.

In the meantime, I have so much to get through it shakes me to the core.  I have made all the arrangements I can make ahead of time.  I have tried to take care of as many details as possible now, because I know I won't be up to doing any of it after Butch's passing.  But I tell y'all, as hard as it is to be here living in limbo at the hospice house, it doesn't feel nearly as hard as the week in Nacogdoches is going to be.  I am really just dreading the whole prospect of traveling there, meeting with the funeral director, having the visitation and funeral, etc.  I know this sounds selfish, but I just want to have all of that behind me as quickly as possible.  It's going to be so stressful and I just don't want to go through it all.

I have decided to rent two hotel rooms for our little family rather than accept any of the many offers for us to stay with extended family members.  I just think we are going to need a place to retreat to.  You can only be "on" for so long before you collapse.  We are going to need a quiet private place to cry and be sad and not have to make conversation with anyone.  Plus I want there to be a pool for the boys.  This is going to be hard enough on them.  They are going to need some normalcy.  One of the cousins who has horses is going to keep them for us during the visitation and funeral.  I hope that will be a fun enough distraction for them.  Poor Benny was supposed to have his birthday party this Sunday and we canceled it.  It is rescheduled for later in July, but he was disappointed just the same.  Hopefully the prospect of swimming at the hotel pool and riding horses at Brenda's will make up for it a little bit.

But after the funeral and everything, I have decided to go away for a few days, all by myself.  I'm going to go down to the coast, to North Padre Island.  It is a protected wildlife preserve, not a touristy Texas beach place.  I can walk along the shore line in near privacy for miles if I want to.  I can sit on the sand and watch the waves and cry and grieve as I need to.  I know myself.  I am going to need some time to process everything and I do NOT want to have to do that in the bosom of my family.  Some of them will be looking to ME for comfort.  I don't want to give it.  Or some, like my mom, will be trying to make me feel better.  I don't want to feel better.  I want to be sad and grieve the loss of my soul mate in solitude until I feel like I can cope.  If I need to stay in bed for 24 hours to do that, then I need to be left alone.  If I need to walk for miles at a time to do that, then I don't want anyone keeping tabs on me and worrying about what time I might be back.  

I had more to say, but Butch is talking and I need to listen to him.  I love you all, sweet sistas.

you will treasure these conversations and the quiet moments with Butch.   t has to be hard to deal with all you are going through but you will never regret being there.    I hope you can find peaceful moments.   I continue to offer up prayers that You remain surrounded by Gods love.

Vic,

My heart aches for you.  I now how hard even writing this must be fore you.

You know, I was hoping you would take a trip and process all that has happened.  I know by now you are so tired and you still have the worst part; not that Butch's dying isn't a horrible part but the funeral and the meeting with the family and friends and the being "on" as you say is so difficult. 

I am so happy that you are going to write your experience down because I believe that from the medical community, they have so many things that they can share but there are so many things they cannot talk about like what do you take to the hospice house and why? What to expect?  I remember when my DH had his cornea transplant and the doctor had given us some pretty simple instructions but there were so many things that they totally missed such as getting a water bottle with a flexible straw (he had to lay flat until the corneal attached); using a neck brace to keep his head in the right position; getting a real eye patch and not one of those little medical ones...anyway, you get the idea.  So, I did write it all down and even included added information about the pain and nausea and what foods are easiest to eat lying down.   The medical staff loved me for doing that. I really believe you could provide the future family members with so much needed information.  I also like the idea that you might volunteer there because nurses and doctors have compassion and empathy but you, you will have it all...and you can reach out to families in a way that no one else can.  When you think about our board here and how we use it to share our experiences before, during, and after surgery, it only makes sense that you would be perfect for that job...and I do hope you do it but not too much...you need so much time to heal.  

As far as the religious information, there is a huge difference in asking or given prayer requests and talking about the life experiences that you each have and as it is you guys' spirituality is a huge part of that so this board would not be real if you guys didn't include your real life. I don't include too much  of mine because I realize that just writing atheists can cause some to really not like me too much. We have the perfect formula in here, don't you guys think?

Anyway, should you decide to leave the coast and head up to the mountains, come to NWArkansas and we will go hang out in the Ozarks.