Saturday update
Just had a visit from the doctor. Butch's heart and lungs still sound good. His vital signs are still strong. How long can my darling go on like this? He didn't eat yesterday, but he did ask for and drink quite a bit of water. And he was so alert and animated yesterday. He talked and told stories and smiled. Offered many "I love you's" and kisses. But he was slightly confused as to where he was.
Today he is a little more confused. He said, "I don't even know where I am." He's not as talkative either. He looks so tired. The apnea is more pronounced today as well. He will take several deep breaths and then not breathe at all for several seconds. But he isn't in pain and he knows the people who come in to see him and calls them by name.
I had a long visit with the chaplain yesterday and it helped. He is so gentle and just really loves Butch so much. In fact Bro. Tony said to me, "why didn't I met him (Butch) years ago?" Anyway Tony said that Butch is still working out things in his own mind and when he has everything settled, that's when he will let go. Until then the separation of body and spirit is an ongoing process. Also one of the sweet nurses here told me it's very evident when a person who is dying is at peace with themself and with God. She says the ones who fight and struggle with dying are so tormented and uneasy. She told me Butch isn't like that at all. He's not fighting the dying process but he is taking his time- for what reason we do not know, but he is at peace.
So I don't know what else to tell y'all but what they tell me. I am here with him full time. The girls and Lisa come and go as they can. Just today he told me, "I'm ready to go home." I asked him if he meant home to the house or home to heaven and he said "both". I cannot leave him at this point. I'm afraid if I leave he will awaken and I won't be here or he will pass and I won't be here. I just couldn't live with myself if that happened.
I read your sweet notes both here and on FB and they lighten my load. I love you all.
Hello our lovely Vickie. I think that the chaplain is right....Butch knows he is going...he just needs everything settled in his mind. I don't think it will be much longer but only one person knows when. GOD is listening and Jesus is right there at your side.
You are such an amazing woman...such strength and determination. You and Butch are so blessed to have such a wonderful union. I am so happy that is the case for you! There is no doubt the love you share with each other. 
I am sure this is tough for the girls to deal with. Trying so hard to continue their jobs and in Christine's life, to raise a family too. They must feel pretty torn.
You know you are always right here with me...I can feel you. I will be here for you for along as it takes. I love you my sweet sister!! 
Just keep doing what you are doing. Butch and your family must always come first. We all understand your absence. We miss you but we do totally get this. We know you are where it is most important for you to be right now.
My prayers never cease for all of you....take care of each other...that is what matters.
God Bless...loads of love and bunches of hugs to you..connie d
Vickie,
I appreciate your taking time to let us know how things ate progressing.
It sounds like Butch is experiencing Chayne Stokes respirations. These will increase and become more pronounced. (I only say this in case you don't know and so you won't be concerned as they increase in amount and the number of seconds without a breath lengthen.)
You are in my prayers and i know Butch's peace is because he understands how loved he is here in this world and knows even greater love is waiting for him in his next home.
Peace, love and Blessings,
Francine
My heart is breakin'. I know your spirituality and Butch's will get you through this. I know you need to be there for him and we all are the same because we would all be there for our loved ones so we don't find you at fault but please try to step outside of the room a little bit to get a perspective and rest your heart. Watching death take our loved ones is so over powering and so emotionally draining that you need a minute to look away. Maybe just outside the door for a second or two.
Sweet Vickie,
I just got home from the Relay for Life for the American Cancer Society, and I had a lumeria glowing all night in honor or Butch. There were hundreds of them all over, in memory or in honor of someone with cancer. As I walked I prayed for both of you.
I believe the chaplain and nurse are both right, and I hope their words helped give you a sense of peace.
Love you,
Trish
Albert Schweitzer
