Sunday, Already.

3:33 a.m.  Good Morning Friends.

Dozed off at 10:30 and woke up about an hour ago.  I'll post here and then will probably get back to sleep until about 6:00 -- that seems to be my sleep pattern.  I can't tell you how many times I have to re-watch episodes on Netflix because I dozed off for a few hours.  Not a good habit.  I must really make an effort to get myself back on track - this interrupted sleep pattern really has me dragging lately.  Makes me feel old and tired, instead of old but full of energy. I miss having a working lawn mower - I usually sleep well the nights I do some mowing and gardening.  I've got to work some type of exercise back into my days - get myself back on the recumbent bike.  My brain is foggy when I don't sleep well.  Jim sleeps all the time due to his liver disease - but that doesn't mean I have to sit and do nothing.  I have to get back into pushing myself to do things.  

1.  Get back to going to the library during the week - to check out books, but also spend some time there reading periodicals.  2.  Get myself to Michael's to take some courses.  I wanted to do that with Maura, but I realize she has her own priorities.  She loves her Mom [me :)] but she's very busy herself [but she needs "me time" too, because she's always tired.]  3.  Get back on  the recumbent bike.  4.  Check out the State Park beach area - would be nice for picnics and maybe dipping my toes in the water.  5.  Set aside an hour a day to "tidy up" and/or do paperwork.  6.  Clean out the middle room and donate unused items.  I could come up with more, but I'm writing a book again here.

Hope all of you are doing okay and feeling better.  I know you all are busy.  Judy, you have so much going on with work and family.  Stay well yourself.

Ongoing prayers for Vickie and Butch, and everyone else; wishing everyone well.

Back to bed........

2:40 a.m.  (different time zone)

Vickie dear, you must be totally exhausted.  I think you'll sleep for a month once your ordeal is over.  I hope that doesn't sound wrong, calling what you're going through an ordeal; I know you want to spend every minute you can with Butch.  God is watching over the two of you, waiting for Butch to let go and come to him.  I worry about you, and will worry for a long time.  God bless you both.

Mary

Butch is having a hard time breathing.  He's congested and he has that apnea thing going on. I can't sleep for listening to him trying to breathe. The nurses keep coming in to check on him, so there's that as well. I'm so afraid he's going to pass and I will be asleep and not know it. And I don't know whether to call the girls to come be here or not. I just feel so helpless and anxious and, yes, exhausted. I've survived some bad stuff before but this is beyond anything I've ever experienced. Just pray for us. That's all there is left to do. 

If you haven't called the girls yet, I would do it now.  I understand how you feel about missing Butch's passing.  When my father passed, my mother and I were stuck downstairs in the hospital lobby because there was some type of drill going on.  A nurse said she would get us upstairs immediately, we wouldn't have to wait; she stepped away, and never came back during the drill. When we did get upstairs, my father was gone - it had happened while we were downstairs. Luckily, my older brother was with him at the time, so he was not alone.  My father had worked at the hospital where he died for several years as an x-ray technician.  He received wonderful care because everyone there knew and admired him.  He was diagnosed in October, underwent surgery, radiation and chemo, but passed on March 4th, a few weeks before his 55th birthday. My mother, on the other hand, passed at my home, and I was there with her holding her hand. She had moved in with me a year and a half before, because she could not live on her own anymore due to Alzheimer's.  She was diagnosed with cancer on March 1st, and passed two weeks later at age 78.  Her journey was short so we did not go through the months and months that you have.  I was glad she did not go through any treatment, her tumor was inoperable. She did not suffer because she was heavily medicated, receiving hospice care. What a blessing hospice is, truly.

After my Dad passed, my Mom was, of course, heartbroken.  After a while, she became totally involved with being the best Mom and Grandma ever.  She was always doing whatever she could to make our lives happier.  I was truly happy when she came to live with Maura (her namesake) and me.

My husband, on the other hand, was fine when I left for work one day, or so I thought.  Maura and I came home at the end of the day and found him unconscious on the couch.  He passed two days later, never regaining consciousness.  It was a bitter pill to swallow.  14 years later, I still will have crying jags at unexpected times, and always when a new doctor will ask me about my personal history - I mention his death and always break down in uncontrollable tears.  Death is a *****

Praying for you both.

Mary

Vickie,  

6:15 am ET and woke thinking and praying for you. 

If you have not called the girls, I would say, do so. Follow your instincts and intuition.  

You are there with Butch, present in every way. Allow yourself to sleep, knowing he knows this. He may rest easier when he sees you are able to sleep a little. 

Your love for each other reminds me so of my parents who i know are celebrating Father's Day with my heavenly Father today. 

Blessings, 

Francine

Vickie....I know you are exhausted....but I also know that it is scary to sleep knowing how fast he could pass and you would not be aware. 

Hopefully one or both of the girls are there now. They can sit with Butch and you could catch a quick nap. If anything changes they could let you know. 

This is the hardest part of Butch's passing for you. His breathing will keep slowing down. He will have a deeper breath now and then. I don't think he will wake up at this point. I am so sorry!

I am right there at your side in spirit. Keeping all of you very close in my heart today.

God Bless you all. I will as always continue to pray for Butch, you and your family. I so wish there was more I could do. I am available for you always!!

LOVE and HUGS...connie d

Vic,

The end is never easy. I wish you peace and hope that the passing happens between soft breaths.  

Vickie.......the love and support I read toward you and Butch on here is so moving and beautiful.  I know you feel the love, and I wish I could wrap my arms around you and just "be there". Your life with Butch as you describe it seems full, rich and full of blessings.  My his transition be peaceful.  My mother said to me once that she would not be gone, but just around the corner where I can't see her.❤️❤️❤️

My heart is breaking for you, Vicki. I am praying with all my might. Just know so many of us are with you and Butch in spirit.  Sending love and hugs. There is really not much else we can do but pray, love and be with you and your family through cyberspace.  Arlene G.