Good morning Tuesday

Hello again Eileen and everyone....I usually add my post to whoever starts the thread....sorry I forgot.

As for me .....I just got home from my doctor appointment. All my stats are good and I am down 22 pounds. Considering how hard it is to lose and my age I am doing pretty good. My doctor is happy too!! That walking everyday is really helping. Healthy eating and limited carbs are paying off. My doctor thinks I might have lost a bit more but I am gaining so much muscle. My legs are rock solid again!!! TMI....so is my butt!!! I would like to lose about 20 to 25 more pounds. At 1 or 2 pounds a week it will take awhile. I am so angry at myself for allowing myself to regain that much!! Got to keep working on my flabby tummy!!!  I always carry the most weight there...UGH!

I did just get back from my appointment at about 3 PM. I am so glad I got up early and did my walk before my appointment. I feel drained now and don't think I could do it. Plus it is almost 91 degrees...I couldn't breath out there! 

I have had Vickie and Butch and their family on my mind all day. Sending prayers quite often. Hoping Vickie is getting a bit more rest and Butch is in less pain. I love you Vickie and your sweet family!  God Bless you all.

Prayers for all our precious OFF Family and their families. Judy I am continuing to pray for you, your mom, and your sister too.

Loads of love and bushels of hugs to all....connie d

Hello, I'm back again:

I had a busy day and I'm pooped. The doc gave me Xanax (boy, you know who would have loved that! It was the one drug he wanted to get that he couldn't get prescribed up here). Then I went to the Y for my arthritis aquatics class, then stayed in the pool for a while and talked with a nice woman named Shirley ... we just kicked around and chatted and by the time we got into the showers, they were empty and the locker room was empty, too. So that was nice. Then I went to lunch at Panera ... had soup and salad and it filled me up nicely. Then I went for my "craft therapy" ... the idea was to find myself a craft to keep my hands busy so I wouldn't eat mindlessly. Well, I couldn't find any embroidery kits at Michaels (they don't sell them anymore) so I ended up buying some Sharpies and a book of mandelas to color (I'll get some of Nancy's too). Then I went to my chiropractor; she suggested a few craft places too, like jewelry making. So I have some places to look for. Came home for a quick break before taking Juliette to the vet. Geez, she's gaining weight. I'm not feeding her that much! She got her vaccinations and an application of the flea preventive. She was so good at the vet. They loved her. She's such a sweetie.

I got home and was bringing Juliette in with her carrier and scraped my left arm on the side of the building. Nice cut there and I had to get some neosporin and bandage it. I sat down and took a good long nap. I was so tired!

It was hot and humid here, too. I've had the blinds shut and the air on and I'm chugging water. Seems I can't get enough.  

Connie, good for you, losing 22 pounds! I keep going up and down. 

I'm just sitting here tonigh****ching baseball and vegging. I have stuff I need to do but no energy. Hope everything is OK with Vickie and Butch ... my thoughts are with them.

Hi Eileen....I am glad you got that Xanax...that should help you. I am glad "he" who will not be mentioned is far gone or you wouldn't have it when you needed it!!! 

Thank you for mentioning my weigh loss. It is going slowly but that is good too. It has been hard some days!! I am doing my best to stick with it! When I started this my weight was going up and down too. Don't let that discourage you. You are doing great at the "Y"!!!!

You had a busy day. I am glad you took tonight off for some rest. You are behind on sleep too. Just VEG out!!!

Love and hugs too....connie d

Hello sistas, another long day here.Butch is running a fever tonight.  101F. He just hasn't felt well all day.  His blood pressure is very low today.  And he's not interested in eating anything. It's so hard to watch him decline. He just stares off at nothing or he sleeps, but that's about it. Hasn't had much to say all day.  The book says these are all signs of his system shutting down. He does still know us. I suppose I should be thankful for what we do have rather than mourn for what we do not. He knows I am here with him. And he's not in pain. The girls both cried a lot today. I think it is really starting to sink in. I'm just kind of numb.  Waiting.  Not really sure what to do or expect next. So I sit here beside him and hold his hand and pray that he knows how much I love him. I want him to slip away peacefully. I want to be beside him when he goes. and I'm scared to death of that moment too. I just don't know how I'll handle it.  I hope I can be accepting.  I hope I won't scream or become hysterical.  I know I will cry but I hope what I will feel is relief that he is no longer fighting the monster but is safe in the arms of our Lord. I need to believe he will be free of the disease and the pain. Then I think I can accept his passing and even rejoice that he is in a better place. Sorry.  Deep and somber thoughts this evening. I just want it to be over for him. I hope I never see another person I love die of this damned disease. 

I just can't think of a single happy thing to write about tonight.  I'll close.  Love you all.

Vickie, you are doing "normal" .  When my Dad died I was with him.....I to,d him he could "Go" and not to fight it, he had been a wonderful Father to me......when ge finally went with a massive heart attack, he could feel it coming, and although mute for 24 hours from a stroke, he said hoarsely GOOD BYE, and then was gone. Of course I cried, but the relief I experienced was so great, have felt guilty since then.  It was finally over, he was no longer in and out  of hospitals, in pain, and weakening before my eyes, hard on me just as is hard on you....You are doing what is right and letting Butch know by touch and presence you love him and will stay by him...he knows it, feels you are with him

Hugs, your girls will help you when it is over....you will not fall appart or scream....you will just quietly'relax  and finally sleep....and be relieved.

j

Thank you for sharing that with me Jennifer.  I love you. 

Dear Vickie, I'm sure this moment is scary. I have lost too many to cancer. I sat with my dad as he wasted away to kidney disease and colon cancer, knowing we could do nothing for him (and we couldn't get the stupid nurse to get the doctor to give him the proper pain meds to make him comfortable as he was dying). I feel so bad for you, because you finally got him to retire and things looked so promising for the future, and then this. And yes, all you can do is sit and hold his hand and tell him that you love him. He will be free of pain and at peace. I know that doesn't seem like much, but you will be at peace, too. When my dad died, and the hospital called to tell my mom, I was there with her and I cried and held her as she cried. But it was more of a cry of relief, because we knew he was going. So I don't know what it will be for you. I just hope you know it's OK to scream or be hysterical or whatever emotion you need to express. You've been strong for too long. Let it out. 

And know you can come here to vent and let loose ... we love you and will be here for you. 

Thank you sweet friend.  I treasure your support.  I might need some help writing the obit.  Are you still up for that? 

Of course. You let me know.

My mom was with my dad holding his hand when he passed. I think it made her feel at peace because she knew he wasn't alone and where he was going. I pray that the Holy Spirit will fill you with calm peace and assurance of knowing the love you and Butch shared will sustain you.