Solemn Sunday

Good Morning Ladies!

I am feeling down this morning over the news of Beau Biden's death...the son of Vice President Joe Biden. I know this might sound weird, but it has affected me a great deal. Delaware is a small state, and Joe Biden was/is a 'regular' Joe who never thought of himself as above of the rest of the citizens. He rode the train from DE to DC almost every morning to work when our Senator. I grew up about 10 miles from his home, and we would drive by it often.

No matter what someone's politics or opinions about someone...Joe Biden has had more than his share of personal tragedy. I still remember when he lost his 1st wife & daughter in a car accident in the 70's. Now he has lost a son. Just not fair, and extremely heartbreaking. My prayers go out to him & the family. Let us all appreciate what we have...

It sounds like a lot going on here as well. I was So excited to do my yard saling and to get in the pool yesterday I did not have time to post.

Vickie, I hear you about the blood transfusion issue and hospice. Butch is very likely to recover & feel better for several months at least without the chemo. So my choice would be to do whatever medically comfortable for both of you to enjoy that time. I know transfusions are no fun, but tolerable. Does your insurance cover a home health aide or certified nursing assistant to come in? I don't think either 'sit' w/patients for any length of time so you'd have a break, but they do come to the home to help out.

The suggestion about the natural or homeopathic therapies is very valid. Many cancer patients swear by this. Something else to check into.

Trish, you must have the patience of a saint! One of my pet peeves is change of plans! I would have gone bonkers yesterday, but you went with the flow. I am a very scheduled person and I don't like to deviate from that, but w/young children you have to be flexible. Your daughter must really appreciate you & like Carla w/Vinnie....your love for your grandbabies just shines thru your posts.

Yvonne, since you don't post as often I often forget to respond, but it sounds like your WLS was fairly recent & there have been some frustrations along the way? I hope we might hear from you more often so I can get to know you better!

Mary, I am laughing at your description of you locking yourself out altho I know it was not funny to you!!! It is just 'comforting' to know that others do the same stuff...like w/Trish & Christine... finding my glasses is almost a daily event & most of the time they are pushed back on my head....yet despite knowing this I don't think to look there first...instead I panic. I also misplace my keys on a regular basis which drives Jim2 crazy. I am glad to hear Jim is still in the hospital getting the treatment he needs. No wonder you are so tired...caretaking takes ALOT out of you! Rest up & enjoy him being taken care of elsewhere for now!

Christine, even at my small weight loss I am seeing body parts differently so I can imagine your thrill over all you have lost. Yesterday when we were yard sailing I felt something hard above my chest & pulled down the visor mirror to find my long lost collarbone! I used to shy from the mirror when naked, but now I kinda like to check things out. Hence my comment about performing naked...NOT! Anyhow, keep up the awesome work...you are doing so well!

Judy, I don't know how you keep your sanity around your tenants. It must be like social work where the few 'good' ones go a long way in overshadowing the 'bad' ones! I could also relate to forgetting the groceries...like Mary I was kinda LMBO when I read your post.

Connie, you deserve the concern of everyone on the boards so don't tell us to not worry about you!!! It is good your daughter checks in on you regularly. I sure hope this flare up doesn't last much longer and you can get back to some more manageable pain...which sucks by itself!

Eileen, ditto for you. again, I could relate to your comment about being able to relax in water...that is my 'go-to' therapy, too. I am sorry you are dealing with all the after affects of your attack, but you have such strength & stamina I know you will make it thru!

I almost forgot, but Jazz had a great time at Hershey. The only downer was she started her period so she could not go on any water rides. (I don't let her wear tampons!) Then, we were supposed to pick her up at 1:30am, but the bus broke down an hour from here & they didn't get back til almost 4am. Mind you they left at 6am Friday....long, long day. She slept off and on yesterday, but I expect her to be back to her old self today. She is still in bed as I write at 10:15.

Well, off to get my day started. wishing the best for you all.

Good Morning, 

I too am saddened by the Biden's loss. They are in my prayers. 

I am so terrible about remembering what is going on with each of you. I read your posts and enjiy your stories, hurt, worry, cry, laugh, and pray with you.

I had to chuckle when you talked about you collar bones.  I did the same thing and now i can see my shoulder bones..  omg, haven't seen that since high school. Rediscovering a waist and curves and clothes off the rack that fit is still amazing. Have fun on the journey and enjoy your new body. 

I am having a lazy weekend. This coming weel is crazy busy. Finally getting my haircut and colored... omgoodness it is way too long. My hairdresser will flip. She's been on vacation so i had to wait three extra weeks to see her. I also see the bariatric nurse practitioner for checkup and weight. Then fitting in the gym and water aerobics. 

Well i am in desperate need of coffee. 

Praying each of you have a week, day, hour, that is better than the last. 

Francine

Good morning Kathy and Francine and all my sistas!

I only have a minute and I'm going to use it to vent.  We are having MORE company today.  Now, I know that this is Butch's immediate family.  And he is the big brother to 5 other siblings.  And they feel they have a right to come and see him.  I understand.  But we have had company every single day for the past week and he is exhausted!  I tried to tell his two sisters not to come today, but they are absolutely insistent.  They did agree to keep their visit brief.  Ha!  Brief!  Yeah I'll believe it when I see it.  And another SIL wants to come tomorrow.  

Anyway, Butch had a bad night and he's in a lot of pain and he's all doped up on pain killers today and it's just NOT a good day for company.  I TOLD them all of this, but they just act like THEIR visit won't be the one that bothers him.

(Being an only child, I just do not understand sibling relationships at all, but doesn't this seem rather selfish to everyone else?  Or is it just me?)

We had more tremendous rains yesterday afternoon.  I bought a stainless steel cabinet thing for the back porch at Lowes and I had planned to put it together yesterday, but that did not happen.  For one thing I had my little helpers with me, and anytime I bring out the tool box, the boys go bonkers.  Then Sandy and Don and JoAnn came and spent the whole damn afternoon (while it wasn't raining) and then after they left it WAS raining, so I didn't get much done.  I plan to try again today.

I'm in a fairly pissy mood today.  Been up and down since 4 a.m. with Butch and haven't had much sleep.  I just want to sit on my couch and veg.  Why is that so impossible these days?

Well, I've *****ed and moaned enough.  Company will be here shortly.  I'd better do something with the dishes in my sink.

Love you all!

Vickie,

I do not feel you are selfish at all regarding the company. I had a problem w/this during my 1st marriage. My in-laws had NO understanding of boundaries...they would show up unannounced at ANY time & hang around for HOURS...a lot of times past midnite when I had to go to work in the morning. I even had a problem w/my own daughters when my dad was in his states of confusion w/Alzheimer's...we had asked they not show up at odd hours or to be on time for other things, but they couldn't do it. Finally I had to put my foot down for his sake as well as ours.

I don't envy you dealing with all this...I would be totally grumpy, too.

You & Butch really need some down time without all the chaos. I hope that once these family visits are over in relation to the news things calm down. You need to get some peace so you can get your bearings.

I will continue to pray you get some relief.

Vickie...with Butch not feeling fell today AT ALL...and they INSIST on coming yet...tell them HALF AN HOUR AND THEY HAVE TO LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take them outside and then YOU go back INSIDE and LOCK the door after you!!!!!!!!!! They get mad so be it!!!!! Both of you need your rest!!!!!!!! Butch needs to gain his strength and they do not understand this it seems....sighs.

Praying that Butch gets stronger...you also!!!

HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Amen.

Dearest Vicki, this is Arlene.  You must be exhausted by all the company.  Have you tried explaining that Butch is feeling poorly and it is not a good time to visit?  Please, please try to set some rules for visiting hours for Butch if you can.  I pray for you and him daily.  You must keep your sanity, dear.  Set the visiting hour times for them and explain to them he is not up to visitors. 

God bless.  Arlene.

Vic,

It's time you put your foot down: 1) you are going to have to tell everyone that visiting day is such and from this time to this time....really. 2) you may not need hospice just yet but I bet you can qualify for a nurse, at least during the night, whose job will be to administer pain meds, maybe shower him in the morning, and other things.   Pick your time you need a nurse the most----9Pm-9AM...and they will be there during the night and during the morning to help you get him ready for the day. 3) you are going to have to put every one on hold...and this kills me to say but even your grand babies.   Right ow, you need to do those normal things such as putting together a cabinet for the porch...it will help you deal better with stress but little kids aren't going to allow that therapy.   

I know we have all said it before, you take care of you first and if that means limiting visitors, do it.  Look, I get that they want to spend time with their brother but when my brother was in the final stages of his cancer, I called my SIL and I said, look we want to help (all six girls and two boys) but we don't want to intrude...what is best for you and she said, sis, I would love to have you girls and the boys (that's what we all call each other) come to visit but can you all come on Saturday and visit and then leave...we love you all but he is in so much pain...so we did...we went to visit on Saturday...I cooked for everyone...the other girls helped clean...the boys visited with our brother...then we hugged and kissed him and we all went home; he died two weeks later.  My point is that siblings want to be there and want to help but sometimes you need to tell them they are not helping...they need to hear it...really; if you say, look, we love you all so much but Butch  is hurting so much and is so sick, can we organize one day where everyone comes by and then leave him to rest...when and if there is a change, I promise I will call....tell them you might need them to come sit with him later so they need to reserve their strength too.   

But do get at least a part-time nurse; you can ask for a male nurse or female.  We hired a male for my brother because he was a little shy about the female bathing him...we only had him there five nights a week and my niece and nephew alternated the weekends...to help my SIL....his medicare paid for some of it and he still had some insurance and what was left, we all paid...I think we split about 150 bucks a week between eight of us.  That was our gift to our SIL who couldn't possibly do it all like you are trying to do.  

Finally, again, vent away.  We are here for you and we so know what it's like to need someone to talk to and to not have anyone who you can completely be honest with. Will you send us your snail mail address so we can send you a card here or there....honestly, your best bet is take a stand now and believe you me, his family needs to have those boundaries set...

I'll echo what everyone else said, Vickie. Butch needs his rest and so do you. Tell them he's not feeling well. Or tell them a half hour and that's it. Visiting hours need to be kept to a minimum for your sanity and his health. I liked Jeannie's suggestion ... one day for everyone to come for a potluck. And no more babysitting, either. You can't handle it right now. See if you can get some respite care for yourself so you can get out and get some time away for yourself (shopping, hair cut, lunch, etc.). 

Please take care of yourself, Vickie. You can't be strong for Butch if you're not strong enough yourself.

Vickie, 

I looked at a couple of hospice sites on controlling visitors. Here is a synopsis.  Hopefully one or more of these will help. 

~ You must become the gatekeeper because Butch may feel obligated to do more than he is able. 

~ Publish a schedule for family and friends about WHEN and FOR HOW LONG Butch will accept visitors.  Make it clear that he requires physical care and regular rest so NO drop in visit. If the schedule is full, they'll have to work around eachother or come another day. Remember, it is Butch's (and your) well being that is most important.  

Post a NO VISITOR sign on the front door except when it is visiting hours. 

Change the announcement on your phone during non visitng hours stating that you are not accepting calls at that time and when to call back... let your family and people who need to know to text you. (Text 911 if it is an emergency and you can call them back STAT ). Any healthcare wokers and care givers should be scheduled in advance so this should be no issue. 

I hope some of this helps. You are a tough lady, now you have to put that toughness and all your energy to making sure Butch gets the care and resy he needs balanced with visits from family and friends.  

You are in my prayers. 

Francine