Thursday Checking In

Oh Vickie.  Oh Vickie.  Tears on my hands and my keyboard as I type.  

The Lord will see you and Butch through this. When you can, sit with Butch and give him your blessing to make this decision.  I agree with Eileen, that isn't is likely he needs to hear you say it.  And then, yes, make every day the best you can. 

We are here for you every single step of the way. Any time, day or night.  

Vickie...I am in agreement...I think Butch is waiting for you to give him the okay that all will be well with you and the girls. 

You need to focus on time together not appointments and doctors. 

I did hospice care with quite a few people...the hardest was when it was family members. I did have to tell the spouse, mothers, daughters whoever to tell the patient it was okay to let go. There was such peace after that. 

Like I said...I love you more then you know, you are so special to me. I will ALWAYS be available to you day or night. 

This board is special because we can all rally around each other when the time is needed. Good or Bad...there is so much love!!

GOD BLESS BUTCH,YOU, the girls and little Benny and Budder! 

So much love and hugs are coming your way...connie d

Dear, Dear Vickie --

So sorry - I know your heart is breaking.  Butch has been suffering for a long time, and it is time for him to find peace.  No more struggling and dealing with the pain.  I know you will cherish the time left together.  Hospice will bring peace and relief.  Talk to Butch as much as possible, about the wonderful past, and the fact you have a wonderful family and you are strong enough to carry on.  I know your words and love will bring peace to Butch.

Love you Vickie.  

Hi Trish and my OFF family:

Quick note before going to work. I got up for my workout in the pool this morning. My shoulder is still bothering me. If it hurts tomorrow, I will call the doctor. Not sure why it hurts. I asked the instructor today and she thought it was the deltoid muscle. She thought it was just that I now had a muscle ... "I  have a muscle? At 60, I have a muscle?" I thought that was funny. No, I think it's something different.

Busy making appointments this morning. Mammogram for June 2; confirmed dental appointment for next week. Want to get my hair done, maybe next week, we'll see how I feel. I don't feel like I had a weekend this week. 

Unlike you, Trish, I slept very well. My drugs generally will kick in 2 hours after I take them; I was tired last night anyway so I took them at 10 p.m. and like clockwork, I got very drowsy at midnight. Got up at 4:30 a.m. to go to the bathroom, back to sleep and up again just around at 8 a.m., before my alarm went off. 

I may be participating in a fibromyalgia drug study. I applied online and they called me today to prescreen me. It's a sublingual drug ... hope I get in. I've always wanted to do a study. And it's right in Evansville too. 

Well, that's enough. I need to get ready for work. Have a good day.

Hello Eileen..."got a muscle"...I laughed out loud!!!

Another pool workout...good for you!! You are rock'n that exercise...wooohoooo!!

I think you must has torn your rotator cuff...they don't heal on their own. Just what you need another surgery...NOT!! I hope I am wrong!!

Good for you getting your appointments taken care of today. We all need those things done. 

Let us know how the Fibromyalgia study goes. I hope someone finds something that will work better then what we have now!!

Have a good evening at work. Keep safe!!

Love and lots of hugs to you...connie d

Vickie,

I just read your post about Butch. I am SO sorry to hear this. It is the worst possible thing for a spouse to have to hear. I have no words...all I can do is continue to pray for both of you & reiterate we are all here when you need us.

I am glad in a way he will not have the chemo. I swear it killed my father-in-law. We saw his very quick decline after a couple treatments, but the medical professionals said that was 'to be expected' & 'he will rally when done his treatments.' He went in for his next scheduled one, & basically never recovered. At least during the first few he was able to sit up, speak, be in the moment, etc. even if he was sick as a dog. He never really woke from the last one, & hospice was called in. He was unconscious for weeks until he died.

In hindsight we all wished he had not done the last treatment. Our concerns about his decline were warranted. It would have been better for all of us if his time left had been spent free of that poison. The cancer had already made its mark...

It does sound like Butch is suffering a great deal & may be ready to let go. I also remember being told my dad was near death...all his organs were shutting down...yet he kept hanging on. His long time doctor suggested I tell him (altho unconscious) that we were all going to be okay & it was alright for him to go. I don't know if what they say about the dying is true, but I've been told sometimes they try to hold on despite the pain, etc. b/c of unresolved issues like a family member they want to see before passing or a long standing argument they feel the need to resolve. We had a major breech in the family when my dad got ill, & I think he was afraid to go with everyone at each other's throats. After all, he was the head of the family. But I know he did pass fairly quickly after I told him we would be okay.

Butch may have felt you needed him thru this move, with your mother moving in & other things taking place in your life, but now that things are 'settling down' he no longer has the will to fight. He does not want to leave you, but the fight is going out of him. Savor the time both of you have left. Celebrate your history. Love each other. And take care of yourself.