Thursday Checking In

I used to have a great guy that gave awesome massages...I had to kick him to the curb!!  We were together about 4 years then friends for about 7 years. I get lied to they are out!!

I am still giggling about your thighs!!! The way you posted it was too funny!!! 

Love and more hugs...connie d

Hello sistas,

We are at MDA today and the news is not good.  Butch is too weak to have any more chemo right now. His blood count is down to 8.6 today and it was at 10.6 just one week ago. He is not bleeding internally. Doctor said that his bone marrow is just shutting down. His oxygen level is also low. So he was evaluated by respiratory therapy and we are getting oxygen at home. Basically it is time to call in hospice. But the doctor said we could give it one more week and if Butch feels well enough to give chemo a try next week we can. But I really don't think so. I think we are here for the last time.

So instead of chemo he will be getting a blood transfusion today. We have an appointment in the morning with supportive care and then we'll drive home.

I am beyond sad. Just trying to absorb it all right now. Butch is being pretty quiet about it all today. I did cry a little bit but he just patted my hand and said "it's okay".  I think he is tired of being sick. I am tired of this horrible cancer too. It has not only robbed him of his health, it has robbed him of all joy in life.  It is just all wrong.  The man I married is not this man. This man is miserable.  He doesn't want to live like this. I don't blame him.

So I'll post on care pages soon. Maybe tonight. I need to get some little perspective before I try that venue. But I wanted to tell y'all. My sisters.

The next few months are going to be hard, but I hope they are better. No more fighting. No more chemo. Just peace and acceptance and hopefully a better quality of life.

Love each of you.

Sounds like Butch is ready to call it quits. Maybe he was fighting for you ... so maybe you too need to tell him it's OK to stop fighting. 

Vickie, you can come here and vent and cry and scream all you want. Cancer is an ugly beast. It robs us of the people we know. 

We all love you and will help you find peace here. 

Vic,

I am in my office crying as I read your post. I am so sorry and know that this is probably going to be the hardest thing you have or will ever do.   If this is the time to go for quality over quantity of life, no one would blame either of you.   You know you have us to talk to and to cry to.   We all think about you and wish you both well in our very different ways and I will continue to keep you in my thoughts. 

Vickie,

My heart aches for you. I think the hospice staff will be such a help to you, Butch, and your family as you move forward. 

You and all of our OFF sisters are in my Prayers

Oh Vickie....Sitting here with tears falling...I am not sure what to say that others have not said already...cherish the time you both have together now and forget the chemo!!! We are all here for you if you need to cry, vent or anything else!!!! GOD be with you BOTH!!!! Praying for some peace....Love you both so much!!!!

HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

prayers for both of you going up!   This is such a hard time for you.   May God help you find your peace.  

This is Arlene, Vicki.  So sorry to hear this.  So very sorry.  Sending love and prayers.  As I spoke to you on FB, my sis died suddenly, and Butch is suffering and suffering.  I would take the first choice, if it were up to me.  So sorry he is suffering.  So very sorry.

Hello my sweet sister, Vickie.

Tears are running down my face as I read your post. I am so sorry for Butch and you and your wonderful family. Like you said, he isn't even Butch right now, not close to the man you married. He is miserable and tired of being sick. He has been fighting with all he has. He is worn down now.

The decision is yours, I will back you up with whatever you decide. You know how much I love you! 

You take care of you.....Butch needs you...I know you will take good care of him because you always have... GOD BLESS YOU BOTH!!! 

I love you with all my heart. I am always here for you, night or day. 

Prayers....lots of love...many hugs to you both...connie d

Am so sad for Butch and you....seems all the fighting and battling this plague has finally drained the both of you, and now you are both exhausted with Life.

Big hugs

jennifer