Monday Monday
Hi Trish and my OFF family:
I am feeling kind of low today and I don't know why. Just feeling out of it. I don't know if this stuff with Richard is knocking me down or what. It's just rattled me. I want to be in a new apartment but can't until August. I worry he will be in my apartment when I get home or that he will have gotten in and broken the window again. Last night I sat here and couldn't breathe for awhile. Had to take a lot of deep breaths to calm down. My hearing is June 1, and I will feel better when that happens, because then it's official and I will have official protection. I have never been scared of anything ... don't know why I feel so shaky about this. Sorry to dwell on it.
It's gray and looks like rain today. My body's not too happy and I'm just dragging. I slept well last night but I'm still tired. I'm happy it's my Friday because I need the rest.
I can't remember who wrote what. Sorry ... maybe I'll go back and look at them again. Have a good day.
Oh Eileen...I am sorry to know you are having a hard day. I too will be glad when you can get out of that apartment. It doesn't hold good memories for you anymore.
I wish there was something I could do for you to make you feel better. The hearing isn't too far away thank goodness. I think you will feel better then.
I am sorry you had a hard time breathing last night. It sounds like you had an anxiety attack. I am so sorry.
I will continue to pray for you. When you leave for work could you leave a light on. Sometimes that feels more secure when you open the door and the room is lit up.
The weather isn't helping you...I figured you were in more pain today. I hope you managed to rest before work today.
Lots of love and many hugs to you....connie d
Eileen.....please be super cautious...you need to let the police know that idiot is hanging around your job!!
He is looking different because he is full of rage and anger ...nothing is going his way!! I am sure he has aged 10 years in the last month. He has also gained a lot of weight since he was let go at work.
Will you please have a patrol car meet you at your home tonight. It is for your own safety.
Keep safe...prayers...love...hugs to you....connie d
Hello my lovely sistas!
Well, I am determined to rejoin the world of the living today. LOL! I'm going to be productive today if it kills me.
Eileen, you made me cringe when I read that you're "sorry for dwelling on it." OMG! If you're sorry, then I'm sorry, too! You are NOT dwelling on it. You are talking about it with your sisters in love and spirit! We are glad to listen to all of it, just so very sorry that it happened to you!
And speaking of "dwelling", let me just say that I heard all of your messages loud and clear yesterday. I will try to do as you all have suggested. I promise to try and take a little time for me everyday and to do some of the things that I love to do.
So, I have been thinking quite a bit lately about the "wheel of fortune." Not the game show, but the medieval philosophy of "rota fortunae". The goddess Fortuna would spin her wheel bringing about great fortune or great sorrow in the lives of men. In the middle ages, it was a popular concept and was often used as an allegory to explain why some people have good luck and some people have bad luck.
As the concept evolved, people began to think of their lives as being on a big rotating wheel, you see, much like a big ferris wheel. When you are at the very top, life is as good as it can possibly get. When you are at the very bottom, life is as bad as it can get. And in-between you are either riding on the up side or the down side. So when life becomes very hard or unbearable, you can pretty well figure you are at or near the bottom of your wheel of fortune. And as the old saying reminds us, "the only place left to go is up."
For some of us, our wheels are quite large and rotate slowly. While this is very good when you're going up, it can be quite difficult when you're headed down. Others have wheels that are smaller in circumference and they circle up and down and up and down more frequently. (And then there are those of us whose wheels are not perfectly round, but more elliptical and our lives loop around in crazy cycles of chaos! Ha!) I have always found it to be an interesting concept.
Well, enough philosophy for today.
There are other things that have been happening over the weekend and I'll just fill y'all in briefly on them, but I don't want to "dwell on them" today. (Dwelling seems to be much on my mind.) Christie got a letter from the Attorney General's office concerning a court date for a child support hearing for Benny in June. Wow. The wheels of justice turn very slowly here, don't they? (Yeah, I know, I'm stuck on this theme today.) I told her to cancel that several years ago, but does she ever listen to me? No. I told her she's better get in touch with the AG's office ASAP and tell them she has changed her mind. Once they drag John into family court, it's going to be a big mess. The judge is almost certain to order him to pay child support, but in exchange for that, there will be mandated visitation rights--either supervised or not doesn't matter. John walked away from Benny 3 years ago and it would only cause that little boy extreme pain and confusion to find out about his "real" daddy now. And besides that, I highly doubt John has the wherewithal to pay 3 years of back child support anyway. It's a stupid thing to do. He abandoned them, but Butch and I have been here and they've been okay. I say keep that asshole far far away from my grandson. Who cares about the damn child support if it means Benny has to spend time with John.
Then we found out that a dear family friend passed away this weekend. I always called her my "Aunt" Nellie. She was 89. I don't know any of the details yet.
And, oh my Lord, did y'all hear about the shootings in Waco yesterday??? I'm not certain if it made the national news or not, but it was in a big shopping center that Carrie goes to all the time! Some huge gang war between 4 or 5 motorcycle gangs that left 9 of them dead and countless others injured. Families were out and about everywhere--in stores and restaurants--on a pleasant Sunday afternoon when WAR erupted. Thank God Carrie was not there!!! One of the policemen said, "it was a blood bath." Ugh.
Butch is snoozing away again today. Our day began with him gagging on his morning pills and throwing up everything. Poor darling. It's getting to where he can't seem to get anything solid down at all. He just mostly drinks Boost and water and sometimes a soda or gatorade.
Yesterday I managed to make a dent in a few of the boxes. I'm working on my kitchen pantry. Lord, what a challenge! You have to remember that I am trying to squeeze two pantries into one space--and that space is merely adequate, not generous. I did work my way through two more big boxes and 3 of my 5 pantry shelves. I am the type of person who likes my things organized in a certain way. I like to group all my canned goods in a specific way. I like to group my spices in a specific way. I'm rather OCD about it. I can't stand the "higgledy piggledy" style of pantry keeping. Soups all belong together, dammit. LOL! At least I don't alphabetize them all. *snort*
I also just threw away some food stuffs that I know we will never use. Half used bags of specialty flours, for instance. I'm never going to use the rest of that rye flour. I'm never going to use that masa flour either. I have to start chunking some stuff or I'm never going to finish here.
At least I now have all of the food stuffs out of the garage. PROGRESS! LOL!
Well, I've "dwelled" here long enough. Y'all never knew how OCD I could be, did you? Love you all, my sistas! 
Vickie
Vic,
Your daughter should let sleeping dogs sleep...If he goes years without seeing or supporting the boy, then she can terminate his rights...at this point, that man is a stranger..I agree with you.
I am one of those strange organizing fools for my pantry too but, sadly, I do keep my canned foods in alphabetical order. I also organize everything else from tall to short with the tall in the back. My daughter gets so mad at me for having everything so organized but then she says, your desk is a pig pen and it is. LOL. I need my kitchen organized because my little kitchen here is so freakin' small.
I am glad you have decided to heed our advice and take a little time for yourself. But do remember, please feel free to vent away...we all need a safe place, right?
