Happy Presidents Day
Good Morning Family,
I so appreciate your prayers this weekend. Please pray for my sister too. Mom has had two major meltdowns over my trip. Too long to explain right now. Needless to say, I'm in a hotel, with Sean. I'm an hour away from Mom's, so I'll be there this morning. My sister, Eileen, has had to bear the weight of Mom's meltdowns now. She can't handle her when she's crying hysterically. I have experience from working at the psych hospital, with hysterical people.
No word on Ruth.
I love you all, and cherish your friendships.
Love and Prayers,
Trish
Albert Schweitzer
Good morning Trish and my sistas,
Oh, Trish, how my heart aches for you and your sister. Having been through several of those "meltdowns" with Christie, I fully understand the agony. I am praying you can get your mom the help she needs and soon! And I know how worried you are about your sweet friend Ruth, too. So many things on your plate right now!
As for me, I had a horrible night. Just awful. I have pretty much been taking one or two Tylenol PM every night for the past couple of weeks, mainly so I could sleep in a strange bed in a strange house (remember we were in Houston for 2 weeks). Well, last night I opted not to take any PMs and oh my! I had the most horrible dreams all night long! I've probably been having them all along, but the PMs would knock me out enough not to remember them.
Anyway, I dreamed so vividly all night about being in situations where I was powerless and/or a victim. Or where I was terribly angry with my husband. Or where I couldn't take care of a loved one. You get the idea. My subconscious was having a ball with my psyche. I woke up exhausted and with a headache. It was the pits.
Butch is not having very good days this week. His pain is not under control and he's coughing up that bloody stuff again. I can barely get him to eat, and when he does eat, I have to give him medicine for nausea. He's so exhausted all the time. He hasn't had any exercise at all. He just lies around in bed or in the recliner all day and all night. His lower back hurts him terribly. All I can do is hope and pray that the chemo will begin to turn things around for him. I keep hoping that he'll wake up and have a better day, but every morning is more of the same. This is some tough **** It's hard to watch him suffer like this. No wonder I'm having nightmares, huh?
I do try to distract myself with projects. I'm crocheting, of course, and listening to audio books. And working on my genealogy helps, too. But mostly I'm eating to stuff down all these negative emotions. I had a couple of pretty good days, and then I lost it again. Yesterday it was pretty much a case of "see it, eat it".
Christie offered to bring the boys out for a visit yesterday, but I told her not to. Butch just wasn't feeling well and he needs to conserve all his strength for the chemo treatment later this week. I wish I could have seen them. I miss my boys terribly.
Carla, I hope you're having fun with Miss Vinnie! Kiss her for me, will you?
I don't have anything good to report, so I'll close for now. Even the weather is gray and cold and nasty today. Our week of warm temps and sunshine went away and old man winter is back today. Suits my mood, I guess.
I love you all!
Vickie
Vic,
I can so relate to those dreams. When my DH was going through his cancer treatment, I dreamed that he was falling down a hill and I was trying to grab his arm and he kept sliding. People were there and I was yelling but they weren't coming to help. It's exhausting and then up early with him during his medicine induced sickness. I guess the worst was not being able to control what and when thing were happening to him/us.
We picked our granddaughter (7 years old) up on Friday and she has spent the entire weekend and today we are snowed in. She is outside throwing snowballs at the window, entertaining the cats. I hope the sun comes out and melts enough off of the freeway so we can get her home. I love the little toot to the moon and back forever but she is a mess. She has finally outgrown that little chubby baby fat that I thought was going to stay with her forever and she is this tall, thin, bag of energy. In fact, she is wearing my fur lined boots and they almost fit her...now that doesn't mean I have a tiny foot (size 6 isn't tiny) but it does mean she has big feet like her momma (size 14 since she was about 11). My daughter is nearly 6 feet tall and all three of her kids are also tall and thin. I am so happy they take after their mom and her father and their father and not me. LOL.
I am back to walking but not much. I can walk very slowly about a mile. I try so hard to speed walk but my knee is not having that. My doctor did say that as far as recovering from the transplant, I have done better than the foot ball players *****cover for months...but my old body is just falling apart from the months of not having use of my right leg...my hips and shoulders, well you know.
I, too, am eating like crazy. I eat bread and butter or crackers and butter and I swear, I know better. We are going to give up all meat but fish as soon as we empty our freezer. We will eat deer and other wild game our grandsons kill because they kill them humanely...we know this and they are free range, and I just cannot stand the way factory farmed animals are treated. I am lactose intolerant and only use a little milk to cook but we have found a woman who sells both cows and goat milk and her animals are free range, grass fed, and are just gorgeous animals...my grandsons provide us with eggs, so we are good. DH and the grandkids drink almond milk and I've learned to make it so that it doesn't cost a months wages to keep him in milk...in fact, he said my almond milk is better tasting than the stores. I suspect it is because it is fresher.
Well, I am going to check the beans that I am cooking...we are having pinto beans, potatoes, corn bread, and catfish. My granddaughter's favorite food is beans.
I've also been crocheting little boots for my friends little dog. His little paws get so cold when he walks in the early morning and particularly on the snow, so I make her little booties and capes for the little guy. She always tries to pay me but I tell her that I use so little yarn and it takes so little time that I couldn't possibly take money. Plus, I cannot have dogs because of my cats and my allergies, so when she takes him for walks, I get my doggy fix. LOL.
Vic, when I get a regular schedule of appointments for SIL, I'll let you know and maybe we can meet up for lunch. My brother has a house in Houston and he has already cleaned out two of the bedrooms for us to move in while we are there. I told him that it would be easier for us to stay in the hotel but he isn't having it...so I guess I will stay with him...the only pay is I gotta cook him some beans. LOL. Beans...what is with the people wanting pinto beans?
Sisters, stay warm, stay safe, and stay on track...remember, our tool is still there; we just have to make it work. I've got to lose the weight that I've gained from having my knee banged up...damnit...it will happen. Ten pounds or bust.
Jeannie...prayers for your SIL and hope for the best right now!!! WOW!!!
Sitting here LOL about those booties for the dog...I keep telling Bandit I am going to get some for him because his little paws get so cold when we go open and close the clubhouses everyday. He gives me "the look" LOL Wish I could figure out how to make some for him just to have a good LOL with him!!! He HATES wearing a sweater or a coat...but BOOTIES????? OMG now THAT would be a lot of LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Hope that knee of yours feels better soon also!!!
HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hi Jeannie....so is your granddaughter still with you? They sure can change in a short time! Lots of fun....they keep us busy!!
Your beans sound so yummy...I am a bean lover too!!! You are so lucky to live where you can get all those free ranger and fresh foods. That food is so much better! I get eggs from a friend who has a small farm. They are so totally different for store bought!!
I am going to do the best I can to get Back to Basics!! I wish all I needed to lose was 10 pounds!! I am a slob! I got my 2 walks in again today. I figured out where I had to walk to get in my total of three miles a day. I know I will have days I can't but I am always going to try!!!
Sorry you are having knee pain...take your time...it will comeback to you!
Sending prayers for your SIL. I hope all works out very well for her. Let us know when you will be in Houston. I will then be sure to send extra prayers for both of you.
Lots of love and may hugs....connie d
Vicki...sweet sweet Vicki...I know what you are going through really I do...I just don't know what to say or do to help you...wish you weren't so darn far away!!!!!!! Prayers are being said ALOT for you BOTH!!!! In my Thoughts ALOT also!!!! HANG IN THERE!!!! BETTER DAYS ARE COMING!!!!
HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hi Vickie....I am going to bed but wanted to stop in and let you know I am concerned about your not sleeping and having nightmares.
I would continue with the Tylenol PM until things settle down. You need that solid sleep as you are dealing with so much right now. You need every bit of energy you can get.
I am sorry things aren't going well for Butch this week. I know you are doing all you can. If it continues he may dehydrate again. I can't believe they can't give him more meds for pain. I know some of the meds make him feel sick. Have you asked for a pain patch for the times he is home? They work really well and come in different dosages.
I was the caretaker for my niece, she died of a brain tumor eight years ago, she was only 32 years old. I was there every day. I had the doctor order pain patches. They helped her so much. Of course later on they didn't help as much and they gave her stronger doses. Yes, of all her family I was the only one that helped her. I sang and prayed with her all the time. I never left her side until she passed away. Yes, she was the daughter of my sister that kicked me out.
Sorry you couldn't see the boys. I know how much happiness they give you and Butch. Maybe Butch will feel better after the chemo. I will be praying for you both. I love you, Vickie!! You are right...this is some tough **** to go through!! God Bless you both.
Much love and oodles of hugs.....connie d
HW: 380 SW: 324 GW: 175
