Thursday Checking In
Sweet Vickie, you are just overwhelmed. Of course, you need to cry. You need a release. Your hubby's in pain and you can't stand to see it, and there's nothing you can do. And you need to go somewhere to let it out where he can't see it because you have to be strong for him. I understand. When you need to cry, vent here, or go in some room where he can't hear. Or go outside and scream. Really. You poor woman. You have been bearing the brunt of a lot of pain and suffering. You can't stand it anymore. Don't beat yourself up. You're just one person and you're doing the best you can. Give yourself a break. 
And if you need to talk, I'm hear for you, too.
Vic....HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Been there just like you are now!!! You are at the breaking point and need a break...BUT you can't take one...SOOOOOOOOOO if you can't get away....next best thing is to take a shower with the radio on....put the washcloth in you mouth and scream as loud as you can!!!! CRY also!!!! Nobody can hear you!!! And if they do...say it must have been the radio!!!!!!! They ask how come your eyes are red...tell them soap must have got in them!!!! You ARE doing the best you can under the cir****tances sweatheart!!!! Never EVER doubt yourself!!!! It IS hard to care for someone you love as much as you do your husband!!! He isn't blaming you....take a deep breath and try to relax...I know he is hurting and so are you!!! Tomorrow is another day. Now if he is in bed for the night...you go to bed also and get some much NEEDED rest!!!
Prayers and Love....HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hi Vickie...HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS!!!!!
You poor lady....it was a horrible day for you and Butch too. If you have a small unused coin purse use that instead of a Ziplock bag. Bags slip out so easily. I have had that happen to me too. You haven't done anything wrong. It was not intentional!! Please don't be so hard on yourself. It was an accident. I am sorry Butch hurt so bad. He knew it wasn't on purpose. It shouldn't of taken that long to get ONE pill!!!!
I think you really do need to speak with someone. It sounds like you are about on the edge. Do you have a therapist? They have Spiritual Care people there to talk to as much as you need. If not contact your doctor. You need something to take the edge off. I am very worried about you!! I will offer again...I am always here for you if you need to talk, text, email or whatever....please don't try to do this all alone!!! You don't need to do this all alone!! I love you very much!!
I hope you manage to get a better night sleep tonight. I am praying the drive to MDA is much easier tomorrow. I pray the radiation goes well. I pray you are both out of there very quickly. I pray for safe travels. More love to you sweetie!!!!
I wish I was there to HUG you in person. I am keeping you right here close to me. God is there at your side. Take some deep breathes. Close your eyes and go to your special place. Quiet, soothing and beautiful. Take a few moments a day to do this. It really will calm you down. At least this is what works for me to relieve tension.
Tons of love and bunches of hugs my sweet friend...connie d
Thank you, sweet family! We are doing a little better tonight. I slept for several hours and then got up and cried on my SIL's shoulder for awhile. She said all the same things that y'all said. I'm trying to listen to you all!
Anyway, we fixed supper and Butch got up and ate a little. He can't sit up for very long before his back starts hurting again, but at least he got up and tried. We're back on our schedule with the pills again. Hopefully we won't have another bad incident with the pills and we can stay ahead of the pain from now on.
As for me, I am better too. Some sleep and some dinner made me physically feel better. And emotionally I am doing better now, too. I just took a couple of Tylenol PMs and I'm going to bed. Tomorrow is the last radiation treatment and then we get to go home! I will make it another 24 hours.
I took a minute to update Care Pages, but just to let y'all know, Butch starts chemo next week. Still, we'll have several days at home before we have to come back. That will help.
You just can't know how much I love you all. God bless each one of you.
Vickie
