Wednesday - Let's Go!

Wow - I'm first today!  Morning Everyone!  

I got up early today because last night I took something to help me sleep.  Usually I'm up until at least 2:00 a.m., but last night was asleep by 11:00 p.m.  The first year after I stopped working I kept to my routine of up at 6:00 a.m. and bed at 11:00 p,m, - and I want to get back into that routine.  SO stays up all night and sleeps most of the day - and he keeps the tv and a light on all night.  Now, due to my back and leg pain, I sleep in the recliner in the living room, so I have "my own space" - works out better that way.  

Today I'm going to the bank to see if I can get a loan - to move out SO I have to get money to pay his first and last week's rent and security - only about $450, but he also wants some extra money because he feels "entitled" to it for all the help he has given me in regard to solving some of my daughter's issues.  And I do have to agree he did help me in that respect.  Several years ago my daughter was "on the wrong track" and he came up with plans that forced her to get her GED (she had dropped out of high school in March of her senior year) and also helped get rid of some of the losers she was hanging out with.  Today she has her GED, went to school, and is working as a Medical Assistant.  She also has a 3-1/2 daughter who is a God-send.  She is doing very well.  I know she accomplished things on her own, but he did get her headed on the right track.  When her life was a mess, I made two trips to the ER, not knowing if she'd be alive when I got there.  So, I'm willing to "pay his price" to get him out of my home.  I feel like I've paid him enough already, but I'll pay the extra to end it.  If I can't get the loan, I have to save some money and then use my "overdraft".  If I can't get the loan, I'd have to go to court to get eviction papers and I don't want to go that route because then it will cause problems.  

I hope you don't mind me "venting" here - but I have nowhere else to share.  I used to put up with his lies because I thought "I could change him".  My husband was an alcoholic, and drank after we were married.  When my daughter was born I told him "stop drinking or you have to move out" - and he stopped drinking immediately, and was sober till his death.  SO ignores my ultimatums and won't leave voluntarily until I "pay up" because he has no friends or family he can move in with.  I've been a doormat for years - but now I'm ready to take affirmative action.  

So thanks for giving me this opportunity to share - there are times I'm overwhelmed and need to share or I'll "lose it".      

Sorry for the novel........... but I'm taking action, so I feel better now.  

Hope you all have a good day!

Hi Mary,

First of all I want to welcome you to the forum. Im Carla and I have been here for a long time. 

I had to get on my laptop cause I wanted to see what I was typing!!!!! The IPad isnt cooperating with me!!!!!

Amyway I wanted to comment on your post. Dont get upset with what I have to say. It is just my opinion . I wouldnt go into debt just to get your son out of your house there are other ways to do it. I know your on a fixed income and probably it  will be hard to pay you back a loan to the bank. Cant you just change the locks and tell him to take a hike? Use tough love? That is what I would do. Give him an ultimatum. It looks like to me that he has no respect for you or for that matter no one else only him self. that is sad. My cousin is like that. I had to do the same thing to her. Granted she didnt live with me but she always wanted to use my car and such. She did have use of my truck and I made her buy it. She told me I gave it to her.    I said Oh I did? In what Letter or email was that!!!!! She did pay for it...... I used tough love.

I dont mind you venting. I dont want you getting hurt either. Ive been there done that. Carla

Good morning Mary and Carla and all my OFF sistas!

Mary, I might be wrong, but I thought SO stood for "significant other"?  Either way, I'm so sorry for the mess you find yourself in.  I have to confess, I more or less agree with Carla.  I think you are being blackmailed by him.  But I also understand that sometimes it's just worth it to pay the price to get someone out of your life.  Either way, I believe before I gave him any money, I would make him sign a document that this is a ONE TIME ONLY payment and no more money will ever be paid to him for any reason whatsoever.  And have the document notarized!  Whoever he is, he sounds like a piece of work.  I'm sorry you are involved with someone like that.  You are definitely worth more and I'm glad you are coming to realize that. 

I am still sore this morning from Dr. Reddy poking around inside of me yesterday.  But other than that, I am feeling okay.  Every day gets a little bit better, although once I play out for the day, that is it.  I nap every single afternoon. 

Butch and I plan to go to Sams Club today.  We bought him some hearing aids there (pre-surgery) and the damn man isn't wearing them!!!  He says they don't work.  Hmph!  Well, we have 90 days to return them and during that 90 days, he gets unlimited free adjustments.  So we are going this morning to have them adjusted and then if they still "don't work" we are going to return them!  We cannot afford to just throw away $4000!  And besides, it's driving all of us crazy having to repeat what we say to him over and over again.  The man needs to be able to hear! 

So, I'm sure we will be a pair again, in our matching electric carts, zipping around Sams.  LOL!  I do have a list of things to buy there as well, so it should be an interesting trip.

I hope we hear from Trish today.  I hope the doctor can help your hands!  Jennifer, hon, we are all praying for you.  You are facing some tremendous challenges right now.  Please lean on us and let us help you by listening to your concerns.  We are praying for you!  Haven't heard from Annette on FB or OFF for awhile, but Annette, you are in our prayers as well.  Eileen, you are being very quiet these days.  I hope you are okay.  Judy, I hope your arm and shoulder are feeling better today.  Please, you and Connie both, be careful in that awful icy snowy mess!  Cindy/Cindi--let us hear from you gals!  And Jo, are you still keeping the triplets?  Who have I forgotten?  Someone, I'm sure.  Please forgive me.

I need to go.  Today is my day to shower and that always takes a bit of prep.  We literally wrap my middle section in layers of Saran Wrap and then tape all around the top of the plastic wrap to keep the water out of my wound.  After that, Butch will change my dressing for the day.  It's just so much fun!  NOT.  But it does feel better afterwards.

Love you all!

Hello Vickie...we must have been posting at the same time.

I am sure the shower will feel wonderful, just so much prep before. It will be worth it! More prayers for you of course!

The weather here has been better. Right now it is only -16 degrees. That isn't so bad. Not great but more the norm for us. It is quite icy though and driving can really be a trick. Got to watch for others. Some people just don't know how to drive on icy and snowy roads. They don't understand what blac**** is either!!

Have fun at Sam's...no racing in those carts...LOL!! I hope the hearing aid situation can be resolved. 

I agree with you....Mary definitely needs to get something in writing. A one time payment only. That will be very important. Yes, he is blackmailing her...I do agree with that. I also know she needs to do what will be best for her situation. When he leaves she definitely needs to get the locks changed on her doors. Otherwise, he will be there one day when she returns home wanting MORE!! Mary seems like such a kind person. She doesn't deserve HIM!!!

So glad you are finally sounding more like Vickie these days. YOU were missed!

Love and oodles of hugs.....connie d

Good morning Mary and everyone........

Mary....so glad you jumped right in and started the thread this morning! I hope you can get back into your sleep routine. As for your significant other, my opinion is that you have already paid enough. I think what he is suggesting is more like blackmail. That is illegal. However, you know more about the situation and what you have to do. I will back you up 100%. Just please do it soon!! You are about to start a new life and need him out as he is nothing but another stress in your life. I wish you the very best! We are here for you. Vent anytime you need to get things off your chest. We all do!!

Carla....what great adventures are in your near future? How is little Vinnie doing? I am sure you are missing her!!

As for me....not much happening today. Kyleigh will be returning home. Back to Minneapolis to finish up her packing. She is hoping to get moved here this weekend. School starts for her on Monday. 

That is about it for me. I have no other plans today. I may do a load of towels yet today before Kyleigh leaves. I like to keep on top of things. She sure has been a big help. 

Wishing you all a beautiful day!! Prayers for so many of our OFF family.

Love and many hugs to all....connie d

Morning/Afternoon all!

Mary, I agree with the girls, he is black mailing you, please get it in writing. I'm so sorry you have to deal with such a person. 

Judy, so happy to hear your mom is back home and on the mend...wow what a scare. I lost my mom coming up on 26 years ago and I still miss her very much. I understand how very precious our mom's our.

Vickie, I think you and Butch should have a drag race in Sam's...it would be hilarious!!! 

Ok, confession time! We have many traps we can fall into after WLS due to the fact that we have addictive personalities. I do not drink so I'm lucky that has not been a problem. But... I have put myself and my family in a financial crisis by spending too much money. I do not have any impulse control, however I am working on it and seem to be getting better the last 2 months. I wanted to open up and bare my soul to you all because I truly believe that by talking about this with you I'm finally willing to admit I have a problem. I have gotten involved in the pay day loans and with disability checks I'm now having a hard time paying bills and helping my husband. So this is my wake up call it's time to pay the piper and fix this. It will take time but I made this mess and I'll have to clean it up. Any advice or help is needed! Thanks for letting me vent.

Thoughts and prays for all,

Debbie

Oh, sweet Debbie!  We will all fight this demon the rest of our lives.  It may take on a different form, but it's still the same demon.  I'm sorry, hon!  But you can do this.  You can.  You're aware of it, for one thing, and that's the biggest first step.  Now sit down in a quiet spot and think about what to do.  You will be able to figure it out.  And you will be able to take action.  Just believe in yourself and say a daily prayer for guidance.  Sending hugs and support!

Hello Debbie.....confession is good for the soul! You can do it...baby steps as we say on here!!

You have already identified and addressed the situation. You know you need to get things under control. I have faith in you....you will win the fight!! 

We are here for you 24/7 even if it is just to listen. Prayers on the way!

Love you girl...HUGS....connie d

Hi Mary and my OFF family:

Welcome to the group, Mary. I've been on here for a long time. Good for you for standing up for yourself, however you want to do it. 

Sorry I have been silent lately; I've been busy with work and other tasks. Yesterday, I spent most of the day in the car. I got up early, went to the chiropractor to get my neck/shoulders adjusted (boy, that helped a lot ... I can actually move my head without pain today). Then I got the back wiper for my car that was ordered a couple of weeks ago. Then I went and dropped $305 and change on my license plates for this great state of Indiana ... ugh. I've been waiting for my title to come in for Louisiana and it finally did, after a long fight with the bureaucrats there. But because of that, it cost me more. Then I picked up my ex-boss and took him to his doctor's appointment (Mary, he was laid off a month ago and doesn't have a car; I'm his only friend here and only transportation). That lasted longer than I expected ... Richard had said there was a Starbucks nearby, but I never found it. So I wound up sitting in the office waiting room and reading my book. Then we went out for lunch for his birthday (what a way to spend a birthday, huh?). Then I took him to Walmart, then to CVS for his prescriptions. But CVS didn't have all his drugs, so we have to go back today. He said he would take a bus, but it takes too much time and he has a fractured foot, plus it's cold. I told him he'd make me angry if he did that. I can easily pick him up and take him to CVS for his drugs. The funny thing is CVS's robocaller called last night and said the prescription was ready for him. He was really pissed. Oh well, nothing we can do. I will drive him and that's that. When I was laid off, people did lots of stuff for me, like taking me out to lunch, to keep my spirits up. I can't take him out to lunch, but I can take him out once a week to the store or just to get out of his basement apartment to see the outside. 

Work has been busy; Saturday and Sunday we had early deadlines and Monday we had to wait for the college football championship game to finish, so we were late. Today, I got up much too early so I've been doing laundry. Hopefully, I'll have that done before I have to take Richard to CVS again. 

And that's been my life in a nutshell. Glad you're feeling better, Vickie. Hope everyone is staying warm. It's up to 31 here. We didn't have nearly the storm everyone else had (only an inch of snow) but it did get below zero for a day. 

Have a good day, all.

Hello Eileen.....good to see you post....I was getting worried too!

Glad you are able to help your friend, Richard. You know he really appreciates all you do. Paying it forward is always the way to go!! What happened to his foot?? 

Have a good rest of the day! Take good care of you!

Love and hugs...connie d