Individual honesty & mutual support.....not always easy but relevent.
I have not posted for some time now. I am eight years “out” (2006) and have never reached my goal. I started at 431 pounds and have settled at 315 pounds..a considerable loss, yes, but certainly not as much as I'd have liked. I carry my weight rather well, considering, but I am still huge.
Now considering that I am 65 years old, I have chronic lymphodema in both legs (from groin to toes & walk with a cane) and am battling breast cancer for the second time, my doctors are amazed - my BP, sugar, good and bad cholesterol, my non-fatty liver and my strong heart are all about perfect! My response to their delighted comments is, “Not bad for a fat old lady with cancer, huh?” and they laugh and tell me to continue whatever it is that I am doing.
I see my greatest most powerful “tool” is my ATTITUDE. Everyday, I recognize & express gratitude for what I have, for my challenges that teach me just how strong I can be and how much I learn. Every night I ask to have all negative emotions, thoughts, hurts, anger and impulses severed and removed because I want only to be happy and positive. I am not religious at all but I do try to be a kind & good person and express love and compassion.
Having said all of that, I return to my weight situation. Despite my positive outlook, I also carry SHAME from “being a failure” at not losing as much as others. I am still obese, but I sure can walk better & farther, to some degree. I am still fat but I can actually find STYLISH, FEMININE & PRETTY clothes off the rack now. I am still very overweight but my endurance has grown. AND, I still wake up on the GREEN side of the grass – being 315 pounds at 5'6 is far healthier than being 431 pounds! It's not a GREAT weight to be but most certainly, far better than I WAS!
I do appreciate Jeannie's words in her recent post about “Eating, Exercising and Excretion”..I had NO idea that the body can adjust and rejuvenate it's digestive system so well! Although I stand accountable for the “bad” habits that I have slipped into, it does assuage SOME of the shame and guilt that I carry.
THANK YOU, Jeannie, for your blunt but factual statements in this. Perhaps I will not “hide” so much anymore. (This honesty post” is a form of cleansing for me). My mea culpa, perhaps...
The past year, I have been working so very hard to create a very special event, ”EMPOWERING WOMEN”, and I lived, breathed and existed to make it a success. Without my WLS, I would have NEVER had the energy, the drive or the confidence to dare such a goal. My only regret, is, not unlike so many, that I hadn't done WLS so many years earlier.
I still have much to do and can still do something to get healthier. Although I may not have lost enough (in my eyes), I can still work at being more MINDFUL in what I eat, walk a wee bit more each day, take time to take better care of ME..we can all do that, one day at a time..one baby step and then another.
I love reading about everyone's days however, I rarely comment on each person individually, usually because to do so is redundant...certainly NOT because I do not care, but because I am part of this board to learn, & to offer support everyone in the WLS challenge. Please do not take anything personally if I do not respond to posts (this country-living-kinda internet also makes posting cumbersome and frustrating). Just know that I am rooting for you all to be as successful as you can, and want to be, in gaining control of your lives thru healthy eating and habits as we cope from, day to day. Yes, I struggle too, but I will NOT give up.
I treasure the love and support in these friendships here that have grown from mutual challenges,
Sincerely,
Nancy B : }
Nancy -
It is always refreshing to hear from you and hear about your determination.
Maybe you didn't reach your "magic number" but you are a success. Waking up on the green side of the grass is a huge accomplishment. Add that to your gazillion worthwhile contributions and You have Come a Long Way Lady
.
Jeannie voiced the many reasons for weight gain. It is seldom surgery failure but rather our body readjusting and our eating and activities falling into some not so great habits.
Over the past 7 months I have had to change my eating and exercise practices. Upping my calorie intake to 2,400 calories a day had been a challenge not just physically but also mentally. When I eat less the pounds begin to melt off. That is not healthy but I mentally rejoice . the Oncologist constantly reminds me I need some weight to have fighting reserve.
Exercise - HA and almost impossible. A year ago I was going to the gym several times a week and feeling strong. With Chemo I feel happy to have energy to take a shower each day.
I need to make healthy choices. A challenge is that many foods taste BAAAD now. So I figure out what tastes decent, is healthy and eat it for any meal or snack. Chicken and green beans may not be your favorite breakfast but I rather like it.
Our Bariatric Surgeon urges us to rejoice in being 'healthy' and stop obsessing about the numbers on the scale. Sometimes that is so hard to do.
My first goal of WLS was to be able to take my grandchildren for a walk. It took a year but I did it!!! Oh happy day.
Tomorrow morning I am going to the warm water pool at the gym for the first time in almost a year. A good friend is going along to make sure I don't poop out and sink. should be interesting.
Kisses to all.
Annette
Annette 
Dear Annette! How wonderful to hear from you!
I too struggle with exercise, the cancer medication that I am taking severely restricts my sleep & causes serious bone pain akin to a throbbing tooth ache in my joints. There are days I am barely able to get out of bed, and days when I'd just prefer NOT to. I rarely refer to that in my public posting....stubborn as I am. My Cancer Doctors always lectured me for losing weight as "losing weight indicates a loss of strength'...lolol..who would have EVER thought that I would be cautioned against losing weight...a FAT LADY's dream indeed!
Now I struggle to eat and drink...everything tastes metallic, even plain water, so I have to work hard at mindful eating and drinking. "Slidey" stuff IS easier but not better. Sometimes, I just do not feel like eating anymore...perhaps just laziness..sometimes, I am just tired of forcing it down but I know that I have to..so why am I not losing more weight? Because of my choices.
Still the NUMBERS that have become such a vital issue in our very core due to social influences & manage to reign terror over many of us. Me included..I have struggled so hard just to get UNDER that darned 300 pounds. I will get there, I will, but it really is NOT that important considering that I was not expected to live at all at several points.
So, while the scale gives us a visual of "getting somewhere", we must remember how the body weight (considering muscles built from active exercise and also varying water retention) is just a rough indication of which way we are moving. Trusting how your body FEELS is a healthier attitude...getting on the scale too often is almost like an addiction....self-punishing. In my earliest days of WLS, I weighed myself several times a day, so eager to see changes...now, eight years later, I finally have broken the cycle - once a week is enough for me. WLS does not make us immune now to weight gain..it will always be a challenge, it's also a mental challenge.
I guess it still comes down to making choices. Not always easy choices, but still a choice. Day by day
Nancy B
It is so good to see these posts... Thank you JEANNE for starting this off! The piece in your post Nancy that I most value is your comment about attitude. I have also been through some tough life events and I can look at all of it and truly say that attitude is our best defense. As far as weight loss goes it is also our valuable tool. I too have struggled wih the shame of not reaching my goal weight. But 100 pounds is a significant difference in how I look and move and it is never too late to begin anew with the basics that help me continue my journey in a positive way. It is so good to see you here too Annette! We really are all on a team.
Nancy, I admire your courage at sharing your process of losing weight, but more importantly your positive attitude in living life. My story is different from yours, but certainly i can identify with the need to change my attitude as well as my way of eating, exercising, etc.
Ironically, my weight loss story is very different than I expected or even hoped for. Started out at 325 or more (5'11" TALL) and lost about 180 lbs.!! I wasn't planning on losing that much, but as some others have shared......once it started coming off, it become a little scary at how fast it would go down even if I ate "bad" stuff. I don't eat sugar much, but I do have pasta, potatoes, brown breads, and some desserts. I don't feel like eating much after 15 bites or so, and leave a lot on my plate, depending on what is on the menu. I'm very tall, 5'11" and have gone down as far as 139 which is way too low for me. My friends delicately tell me I look "way too thin".......and I think they mean "skinny and wrinkled." Isn't it funny how each of us goes through this process with such very different results. Nancy, your attitude is so amazing as you live your life with the weight loss as it happened. You are so BEAUTIFUL, and I guess I wish you would lose another 100 lbs......for your health and your appearance. You can do it, of course....look at what you do on a daily basis!! I would happily trade you some pounds lost for some of your positive outlook on life!!
Thank you for sharing your inspirational and personal (deeper feelings) with us! That sharing makes you oh so much more identifiable (is that a word?).....because I think we all have those feelings of not doing as well as we could, and wishing we could be better. As for me, I wish I could commit to exercise........I am a slug!! Ha. You inspire, my friend. So glad you share from time to time.
Nancy,
I would never consider your WLS a failure. To say you didn't make goal is crazy and whose goal? Look at how much you have lost, how far you have come, and how happy you are now compared to before.
Everyone's weight loss journey is so different and what works for one doesn't always work for others. Putting one foot in front of the other and holding your head up because you need to own your success and own what you have accomplish and what you do every single day.
Welcome back...I missed you.
