What is your comfort level?

Comfort Level: How do we handle compliments?

For years, I mean years, I have been the largest person in my family; the largest person in our town; the largest person in any place that I ever went to.  I remember going to the WLS surgeon’s office and walking in and seeing these super morbidly obese men and women and thinking gross, but happy that the waiting room had extra, extra large chairs.  Then, I sat down and looked around and realized that in the extra, extra large chairs, I fit in much the same way that those gross people fit.  Because I had never seen anyone my size before, I really didn’t have a context for how I looked; I, after all, avoided mirrors.  Plus, I don’t know about you guys, but when I was over 500 pounds, I didn’t see myself with the large hanging belly and the huge rear end.   In my mind, I was the size of about a 130-pound person.  

            Then I had wls and over the honeymoon phase, I dropped the pounds.  I swear, I would put a size 26 on one day and it fit and a week later it would be falling off of me.  Then I got sick and the issue of the doctor addressing my illness as real versus mental took a toll on my body and I dropped under 100 pounds.   It took me a long, long time to convince the doctor that there was something wrong and for them to do something.   They threatened to undo my surgery; they tried to convince my husband to have me committed for forced feedings; and finally, they blamed me…it’s in your head.  Sadly, during the time that I was almost a walking skeleton, I still thought I was fat.  Body image for us fat girls is never right. 

            Now I am at a healthy weight, struggle to stay at that weight, and every single meal practice the rules of the pouch and every single day, I move to maintain my weightless.   But the comfort level for me is when people who don’t know that I was a huge super morbidly obese woman say to me, gosh you don’t have to worry about your size.  Or they say, you are so little.   Well, I never feel little and I don’t know how to handle those kinds of statements, whether they are compliments or not is debatable, but I get all nervous and say, I am way too fat or that’s not true.  

            A few months ago, my brother died after battling cancer and COPD.  Several of my cousins came and these cousins haven’t seen me since I lost weight and they kept saying, girl you look so good.  Wow, you are so little…when you were so overweight, I forgot how tiny you once were and look at you now.   And I would get embarrassed and say, I am so not tiny.

            My question or point of thought is when you are around people who haven’t seen you since you lost weight or who may not know your weight history, and when they make comments about your size, do you find yourself at a loss for words.  Why can we not just say thank you?  And, when we are around a room full of overweight or obese people, why do we feel guilty? 

            Please, for those inclined to share, what are your thoughts on how you handle compliments?  

I take the compliments and say thank you. Sometimes I'll whip out my before photo and let people see how big I was 9 years ago. I still feel I'm too big, but since I have regained (mostly due to my two failed knee surgeries, and the fact I've overeaten because of them ... I'm trying to get that under control again) I am more overweight than I was after I lost (does that make sense?). 

I always was large ... I was a large kid, a heavy teen, extra obese adult (although back then, nobody said obese, it was "heavy" or "large"). And then over the years, it was super morbidly obese. So the day my dear Aunt Bernice said I had a cute little butt ... well, that was the nicest compliment and it made me blush (Aunt Bernice was in her late 80s at the time ... she's now gone). I just ate it up ... so to speak. I loved all those compliments ... better than a hot fudge sundae with whipped cream and nuts and a cherry on top.

When we all got together for my brother's funeral, my sister, according to my niece, announced that no one was going to recognize Jeannie because she is smaller than anyone in the family.   Well, when I walked in a few hours later, none of the folks who hadn't seen me recognized me.   And they were all going on and on about how small, how cute, how this or that and it was very difficult for me to take the compliments.  I am working on accepting compliments.  

I carry my before photo on me at all times plus I have my before 8x10 hanging in my office. When we have parties and I do not eat a lot of food and they ask me how come I don't eat...I show them my photo and they can't believe that is me. I explain to them it IS me and how I had surgery so that I could live longer than a few more short years if I stayed at that 334 pounds and kept adding more to it. They give me compliments and I thank them. My cousin aka my "dad" every time he sees me he calls me "eye candy" makes me blush lol. He tells me how "beautiful" I am now. People I haven't seen since I lost all this weight...look on their faces...priceless!!!!!!!! LOVE IT!!!!! Things I can do again...Changes I made in my life....OMG LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a tenant here that is pretty close to 500 pounds and we have talked several times about WLS. His brother died not long ago and he promised him he would have WLS. Again we talked about it. Truth? I really do not see him getting it. This man loves to eat and I do mean EAT!!!!!!! It is sad!!!! I explained to him he will be able to eat again all the foods he loves now only in moderation. I see him dying before WLS. So sad!!!

So in answer to your question...I have no problem...I feel sad about those that are obese...but that is their life now not mine. They want to talk I will talk to them and offer any support I can. I can't MAKE them change it is up to them.

 

 

Judy, when I was in Grand Rapids, our HR assistant was bigger than me at my largest. She tried to get WLS through our insurer (she had Aetna, I had Blue Cross ... we had a choice). They turned her down a couple of times, said she didn't qualify ... don't know why she wouldn't. She had to be at least 450 pounds, maybe more. Plus, she was diabetic, had high blood pressure, high cholesterol, bad knees (she needed knee replacements which they wouldn't do until she lost weight ... one ortho doc told her if she had lap band and lost some weight, he'd do the knee replacement ... well, lap band wasn't going to allow her to lose enough, plus insurance wouldn't approve it for her). Once, she asked me what I ate and I told her just about everything I used to, other than fried foods ... they didn't agree with me ... and ice cream. She didn't like the idea of giving of fried foods. She said she liked to eat too much to have WLS. Yeah, I said that once, too. But then I thought I liked living, too. Didn't want to go early because I ruined my body too much (as it is, the arthritis isn't making life much fun). 

Some people think you can't eat once you have WLS ... you can! Just not as much. And some food may not agree with you. Well, I can handle that. I would rather give up a few foods than be dead young. 

Oh, btw, my blood pressure today was 117/74. So there! Nine years out!

I remember when I had surgery, and I had no idea how much weight that I was going to lose.  Now, when I see people who are the size I was or close to the size I was, I want so much to let them know they have a choice.  Sometimes I do say something; however, most of the time, I don't.   

 

When I was new to the salon I work in now, it was less than a year since my surgery. It was the phase where we are so uber excited to finally be losing weight, we think everyone in the world should know alllllll about it. I was like a walking billboard for WLS. Well, then I got a small bowel obstruction/hernia/bad gallbladder....all at once. After that surgery I had to go. Back to all the post op food restrictions and I got to a size 2. Everyone told me how tiny I was, ext, etc, and I jus didn't see it. my breast bones showed, my armpits are so hollow I couldn't shave...I still didn't think I was too small.
Now, I still hold up my pants right put of the dryer and have to say to myself"your butt fits into these" to remind myself I'm not wearing plus size clothes anymore.
I am better about accepting complements with just a thank you, and I have taken my before picture home and rarely tell a new client I've had surgery. They didn't know me before, and I'd rather feel like a "normal" person who has to work at their weight like everyone else.

I'm like you, I hold my pants up and cannot believe that I get my butt in them.   

!!!!! My panties make me think of the little girl next door...lol

I show goats and see most of the people from about March until October.  Last year while I was trying to save the band I was able to get back to my band low.  This meant I lost 60 pounds from Jan to September and not one person noticed.  The band was removed in September and I was sleeved in January.  From January till I saw these people again in the Spring I lost another 20-25 pounds and everybody was all over me wanted to know how I lost "SO MUCH"  I was like what the heck, nobody noticed the first 60 but they had all seen me go up and down that same 60-80 in the past.  But, that last 20/25 nobody had seen me lose.

I found it very hard to deal with people coming out and saying things.  I find it embarrassing.  It drives home how awful I must have looked.  This is one thing I don't know how to deal with.