Am I the only one who thinks WLS was a waste?

Eileen-

I have a middle aged friend from college who is single, has a PhD, and teaches college in Iraq. She travels quite a bit, which is great, if you can afford it.  I cannot. 

The DS was part of my plan to fight my way off of disability.  It's not working. I have hit roadblocks at every turn, and I did have a plan. Re-training for a new profession more compatible with lupus and fibro was the plan.  That's why I had my DS, finding a man and living happily ever after was not even part of it. that was in the "Plan B" category. I like the companionship that being "coupled" offers, but where I live, it's very difficult to find someone who I can hold a conversation with without stopping every five minutes to "dumb it down".

The fact that I live in a place with two major universities, and several other smaller colleges has no bearing on that. I'm a "townie".  The goal for most here who go on to college is to leave and never come back, except for visits.  It's a very different world for me, despite the presence of ND and IU.

I live in a midsize city in SW Indiana. I have moved around a lot; I grew up in the Chicago suburbs. My family is not here. I only moved here 18 months ago and haven't made many friends yet. But I have friends all over the country ... men and women. These are people I grew up with, some I used to work with, some on this board, etc. Some are closer than others. I too thought I might find someone after surgery. And maybe I will. But I am so set in my ways, I don't think I'd want to get married or even live with someone. Have someone tell me how to live .... hell, no! I have seen too many of my friends in bad marriages, where husbands tell them how to live, or sit around and don't do anything. No thanks. Of course, there are great marriages. But right now, I don't see that happening for me, and that's OK.

As for having problems meeting someone because of being a "townie" ... well, don't know what that problem is. I guess I saw that same problem when I lived in Louisiana for awhile. A friend there said the only guys our age were druggies and ex-cons. No thanks.

And I sure know what it's like to have fibro (although not lupus; I know that's an extra burden for you). I have had three knee replacements (two on one knee that hasn't helped). I have a bad back, although after losing weight I regained a half inch on my height because the disc compression stopped. I have constant pain, but I still work every day because I prefer to keep my mind active at work to sitting at home being bored. I enjoy my job ... I was laid off for 5 months in 2010 and didn't enjoy it.

Don't despair ... you can find friends who share your interests. Too bad you are so far away, we might connect.

Hi -- your question is "am I the only one who thinks WLS was a waste"? By reading the responses of others including my own, I'd say YES.

Whether we are married, not married, looking for love, or content where we are in our lives, WLS improves our physical health, our mental health, and overall well-being. My only regret about my WLS 5.5 years ago is that it wasn't available when I was 30.

My life today is so much more joyful than anything I could have imagined.... and it continues to get better with each passing day.

Set goals, don't let anyone get in the way of your goals, and persevere until you reach your desired pinnacle. Life is amazing and an adventure.

My best to you for success in every aspect of your life.

Kathie-

Thanks for your response.

Perhaps my expectations for life after the DS were way too high.  I live in a medium-large size city, with the other "cities" being University of Notre Dame, and Indiana University's regional campus.  I graduated from IU Main Campus with a BA in Communications, and spent my life doing radio news, until my illnesses (lupus and fibromyalgia) would no longer permit me to do that kind of work, which is very physical, despite what some may think. 

Everything is pretty much for students and families with children here.  It's my hometown, and I was here caring for my Mom and elderly relatives for the past 14 years.  I had my DS during that time, and that was supposed to be my declaration of  "me time"

Unfortunately, it didn't turn out that way.  I struggle with wanting to spread my wings and fly, catch up with all the life I missed being SMO,  re-invent myself ( I started school to become a RD, with a bariatric nutrition specialty) but there's always something that smacks me down.  I've had my dukes up for four solid years, and I'm tired.

What kind of person would I be to turn my back on my family?  Perhaps I do need to back away from the nurturing others and nurture myself!

(Also - see reply to Eileen).

I resisted replying to this post because I am happily married but I am also permanently disabled after being hit by a drunk driver.   WLS for me was to increase my longevity and quality of life.  When I had WLS, I was in the midst of completing my PhD because my disability prevented me from working as an RN.   From before WLS until now, I have worked first as a graduate TA and now a professor.  I never saw WLS as completing me but as a means to allow me easier access to those tools that I needed to complete me.  For instance, once I began losing weight, I became more and more active, which gave me an autonomy that I had not had for years.  The goals that I set were to fit into regular clothes, sit in booths, use a public restroom, fly in a plane without paying for two seats, and on and on.  While it is true that my husband has never left my side, I sure had a whole hell of a lot of friends who abandoned me once my weight edged closer to 500 pounds.   After losing weight and even during my metamorphosis, I did not seek to reestablish those friendships nor did I seek to establish new friendships; I was way too busy figuring out who I was becoming.  Funny, my lack of interest in establishing friendships seemed to take the pressure off of me and others which seemed to allow those friendships to develop without pretense or pressure.   I have never regretted WLS and I almost died a couple of times due to severe complications.  My world does not revolve around others providing me with happiness; my world revolves around me making my own happiness.   

I am truly sorry that you have had such a difficult time developing your life, and it does seem like you are making a lot of excuses for your lack of success.   I don't know you and cannot say for sure why you have not finished those things you have started but I can tell you that my first two years in graduate school caused me so much physical and emotional pain that I don't know why I continued but I did.  The last four years of graduate school were met with challenges that related to my broken back, rheumatoid arthritis, and complications from WLS.  BTW, I finished my PhD and see myself happily contributing to society as well as to my own family.   I was confined to my home for so many years that I will drag my butt to work no matter what.  

I think you are due happiness but I don't think others owe you that happiness.