Just my two cents worth---about the power of THOUGHT

Okay, this could possibly get me burned but I HAVE to speak. I am NOT pointing fingers, please know this.  A word from another perspective, as a Certified LifePath Coach:

 

If you cannot change the situation, you can CHOOSE to your RESPONSE to it.

 

Think about this.  A situation that is bothersome, frustrating, or hurtful will always be that situation, you cannot make it different. Therefore, the ONLY thing that you CAN change is how YOU react or respond!

 

So, okay, you do not like a specific restaurant because you always seem to be dissatisfied with the food and service there, so WHY would you set yourself up for disappointment by going there yet again!? You had a GIFT CARD? Give it to someone else then. You have already placed that negative expectation into the universe  before you even got there….so, let go of that and start thinking more postively. 

 

Ladies, think of yourself as a MAGNET.

 

Your thoughts create your reality.  What you THINK or put out there into the universe, is what you ATTRACT. Think positive, get positive…think negative, expect negative and that is exactly what you get!

 

Mothers-  we all have them. None are perfect, some make terrible decisions and mistakes and that can be very harmful to our spirits. We all make mistakes. However, there is no excuse for disrespect and  visciousness towards others.  It is obvious that some people like this suffer greatly from their OWN lack of self esteem and various mental illnesses. My own Mom and I sure had our conflicts , a serious clash of opinions and it caused a lot of heartbreak because Mom insisted on being an enabler for my adopted sister.  It destroyed my family of origin, Dad died of stress and my natural sister walked away from everyone and really hurt my parents doing that… the worst is she used lies and deception to excuse herself when I, as then oldest of the three daughters, know the truth, and she passed her hateful lies and suspicions on to her two daughters and son who therefore cut me and my family out of their lives too.  My kids watched it all and it was not until Mom started going into dementia that she forgot to be mad at am and we had two years of loving relationship.

 

But I had to learn how to make boundaries and to say NO! at times. I had to learn that by REACTING to her “madness” was giving her control over me. By NOT reacting, I took my power back and I was in control. Yes, sometimes I was so hurt but I learned how to NOT allow anyone to have such control or power of me anymore.  You look at the other person and realize that, with mental illness, they have NO idea how hurtful they are being.  

 

So YOU need to pull in YOUR own power and decide how to RESPOND.  REACTING is an immediate knee jerk & emotional way of allowing others to control you …..RESPONDING  is making a MINDFUL decision to NOT accept that that person is saying as your truth.

 

 

Also be mindful that some people are addicted to DRAMA - have you ever noticed that certain people are always complaining or re-living their dramas over and over again. Certainly daily life is always offering us situations that are well worth fighting, activating our passions, issues that are worthy of being addressed, unkindnesses to be considered.  We all have those, myself included.  But I do try to be aware of balancing my complaints with positive stories and humour.  Sometimes, I forget, too. It seems to me that we need a certain factor of “rose-coloured glasses” just to see life from another perspective. We forget that happiness is a CHOICE. 

 

I try to remember to be grateful that I have a warm bed and enough food to eat and if something turns into a disappointment, it is not worth the energy it takes to whine about or is it your INTENT to set your mood for the rest of the day?  I wake up grateful to be on the GREEN side of the grass today and THAT is worth celebrating!  Without these challenges, disappointments and nasty people, we would not appreciate what we already have.

 

 

If life was always perfectly pleasant, we would never GROW!  They are hurdles for us to conquer and learn from....just like at Track & Field practices in Physical education in high school...though I admit, I never did well at THOSE hurdles...lol.....too fat and timid...so I challenged myself in other ways...first, like writing my thoughts when I was too shy to stand up and SPEAK them aloud....then moving on to participating in Public Speaking and then Debating.   We all shine in different ways and we all have lessons to learn. I will be sixty five this Spring and still learn something everyday and will continue to learn until I die. And I have far too many lessons yet to learn before I say GOODBYE!

I am far FAR from perfect and I am NOT pointing to anyone nor judging anyone.....just trying to show things in a different light and I DO hope that no one is offended.  Just think about my humble thoughts on "THINKING POSITIVE".   Maybe these words will resonate with you, maybe not...but read them with an open mind please. 

 

*sending loving positive energy and thoughts to each one of you, my OFF family*

 

Nancy B

 

 

Thank you Nancy,
I had learned a lot of the behaviors and skills you describe in my many years of psychotherapy. At one point, I was even able to have Mom stay with me when I had my RNY and a year later, my hernia surgery. I don't know why I have gone backward in recent years.

I appreciate the reminder. It has helped to give me perspective.

Hugs,
Trish

Nancy,

Oh so true and a helpful reminder. A few years ago my sister was driving me to the brink of either suicide or possibly homicide, at the very least doing physical harm to 'somebody'.. My life revolved around caring for our parents - Mom with Alzheimer, Dad laying in bed waiting to die. Exhaustion was constant in my life. 

My sister criticized everything I was doing for them as wrong. It was a constant barrage of negativity which sunk me into a frightening depression. Depression has haunted me since childhood so it didn't take much to push me over the edge.

My good friend was scared for me. Afraid of what I might do to myself or my sister. She sat me down and gave me a talk, similar to what you expressed in your posting.

I realized that although I felt my sister was "driving" me nuts, I had allowed her behavior to have such an impact on my emotions.

There are still times that I forget and let others get under my skin. But eventually remember to walk away, hang up the phone, don't engage in the nonsense, basically - let them talk to the wall, not me.

Sorry for being long winded. But you made a lot of sense which I can appreciate as a refresher course.

Kisses

Annette

Aloha Nancy and thank you for this thoughtful perspective.

PERSPECTIVE has been one of my favorite words for years. At one time I thought about writing a book about perspective. The gem of an idea started when watching one of my kitties jump up to the top of the refrigerator! We think of animals as our possessions......lower than us, but fun to watch. Well.....how high would we have to jump to get the equivalent of the top of the refrigerator!! Can we see movement across the room, or smell everything sharply? Animals have such superiority over us in so many ways. To me that is Perspective!

Your thoughts on positive thinking really resonate with me, too. I have a neighbor and a co-worker who both are just negative about everything! It is hard to be around them without getting down and depressed myself. When I see the world through their eyes, it is very dim indeed. Like you, I wake and feel grateful to have a bed, a home,family, friends and a higher power. If I'm not on my toes the rest of the day can turn bad if I let all the "problems" that can face me. I will try harder to substitute gratitude for misery!

Thanks Nancy!

Aloha nui loa,

Maui Karen

Nancy....thank you so much. I needed this reminder!! 

Living here is not easy. I am learning to adapt and not get so angry all the time. My sister is who she is. This is her home. I need to respect that. However, I am no longer going to let her use me as her constant maid. I am toughening up. I am not letting her actions get to me as I did before. When I am well, I will start looking into housing again. I can change this situation!!!

Love to you....HUGS....connie d

 

Nancy B,  There is a lot of truth in what you write, and it's obvious that you practice what you preach.  I always admire your positivity.  It's inspiring to all of us.

I was in therapy for about a year in my early 20's.  Long story and ancient history as to why.  But the lesson I took away from that year is that we are each responsible for our own happiness.  I know this is true.  I sometimes lose sight of it, but I try very hard to choose to be happy each day.  My biggest challenge is my youngest daughter.  There are times when her bi-polar disorder threatens to crush us all.  I have to really fight my way back from those times. 

One thing I have learned to do is to silence my "critical parent".  You know that little voice that plays inside your head all day?  The one that tells you you are a failure and a dummy and that you can't do anything right?  That's your critical parent.  I have learned to shut it down and to replace those bad thoughts with positive ones.  It's not always easy to do, but I keep working on it.  I often give myself little pep talks:  "Ok, Vickie, you can do this!"  It may sound silly, but it keeps me going.

I'm glad you raised this issue for us today.  It is thought-provoking and mindfulness is a good thing for all of us to practice.  Thanks for being our positive voice today!