Tuesday What's Happening?
I am still up, coz the Phillies just got done beating the Dodgers, in L.A. Three hour time difference means the game started at 10:00.
Plus, I am still psyched from the wonderful day I had. I spent three hours doing volunteer work at the agency. I learned right away to take my crocheting if I am assigned to the front desk. Boredom is frustrating. I can finish that baby blanket in a jiff while sitting there. Then, this evening, I went to a Beginners AA meeting. I love attending meetings with people in early recovery.
Also, I need to talk about something that is going on right now, and I can't talk to my family about it. I've shared previously that my younger son, Sean, had been in rehab for heroin addiction years ago. Well, when he moved to Pittsburgh years ago, I learned he was drinking. I talked to him once to make sure he knew that drinking alcohol, after being in rehab twice for heroin, was really not smart. He blew me off, saying that was a phase he was going through, and he could handle the alcohol. Well, back in March, I learned he was smoking pot. Again, he blew me off.
A few weeks ago, maybe a month ago, I had trouble reaching him on the phone, and it went on for a few weeks, and I was desperately asking for tech support on my laptop. He has a repair business, and has worked on my laptop remotely via the Internet. It reminded me of when he was using heroin, and I mentioned that to him when I finally got him on the phone. Well, he told me that he didn't like me bringing that time period up, and he denied using heroin vehemently. Well, on Thursday, I got a call that had a Caller ID of Gateway Rehab. Sure enough, it was Sean. He was inpatient at a drug/alcohol treatment center. The only reason he called me was because I had called his business number several times begging for help with my laptop, and his business partner told him I kept calling. I am sworn to secrecy regarding the family. At first he wouldn't admit to the heroin, but eventually he did. I am relieved and worried at the same time.
So tonight, at the AA meeting, I bought him two AA books. Last time he was trying to quit, he was attending Narcotics Anonymous. Back then, he wasn't drinking, just drugs. Now that he has the drinking part of the problem, he can attend AA too. I'll mail the books tomorrow.
Sorry to go on about him. Tuesday will have me being lazy in the morning. I might get a call from the volunteer coordinator at the agency, and if so, I will go in and help out again.
Thanks for being here.
Hugs,
Trish
Albert Schweitzer
I hope your problems will reduce I am sure they will. Its always good to share our burdens. We all feel better then...
wow...you are making a baby blanket...must be cute..and colourful..I wish I had some skills like these...I used to paint long back, but now I have lost interest.
love and best wishes.
vrinda
I make a lot of baby blankets in beautiful colors. However, for my grandchildren, my daughter chooses normal colors, and I make them larger, the size of a crib mattress, so that they can be used as throw covers when the baby moves to a regular bed. For my granddaughter, Isabel, I made hers fern green, to go with her bedroom walls. For my grandson, Lincoln, it is royal blue. Franklins' the one I am now working on, it is Army green. Last year, my granddaughter asked me to make her a full size bedspread in red, pink and white. So, for Christmas, I made her one in red, hot pink, soft pink and white. It's square, and starts in the center small, and grows bigger with each new row. When I finish Franklin's blanket, I'm making one for his new cousin born July 1st, a baby girl. She is my son-in-law's brother's new baby. When I finish that, I'm going to be making one for a charity raffle for Special Olympics.
Thanks.
Hugs,
Trish
Albert Schweitzer
Good morning, Trish and all my OFF sistas!
I am up early this morning before anyone else is stirring, so I finally have a moment to myself on the computer! I am determined to do some posting this morning.
Trish, you and your son have been through so much! I am praying for both of you. It seems we all have our burdens to bear with our grown children, doesn't it? But your son is lucky to have a mom who understands so much about addiction. Not all parents would be able to handle his cir****tances. I know you want what's best for him, but I have to agree with Nancy's POV, too. You must take care of YOU first and then you will be able to be strong for him.
So, my DH and I are back at Hilltop this week, and we are doing our best to enjoy his time off, although that seems to be a bit of a challenge right now. It is very hard living with our youngest daughter. And you know that keeping a 2 year old has its challenges, too. But we are trying to put the best face on it and smile anyway.
Today is Christie's birthday and usually I feel some excitement and joy when I remember the days that my children were born. I have to admit that I'm not feeling much of that this morning. Here lately, all I feel towards Chris is anger and resentment. She refuses to lift one finger to help out around here and it's wearing on me. She is also starting to challenge me repeatedly over how to raise Benny. Yes, he's in the midst of the terrible twos and yes, he cries a lot and most of the time I ignore it. But usually I understand why he's crying first. Mostly out of frustration, as is normal for 2 year olds. But I can't just harden my heart to all his crying. Sometimes he cries and needs comfort. She doesn't understand this. She tells me to leave him alone and let him cry it out. She doesn't seem to understand that with children, one approach is not the ONLY approach. It's good to have another adult around to balance things out, and to offer another perspective. But, of course, I know absolutely nothing about raising children and she knows everything.
It's good to have Butch here to help me bear the burden. Last Sunday she screamed at me about Benny during the first hour of the day. So Butch told me to get dressed and we went to San Antonio for the day, just the two of us. (It was Christie's day off.) We did some shopping, had lunch out, and had a great time just being a couple. This next weekend we're going to Fredericksburg for 2 nights to a B&B. I can't wait! We'll be there Sat and Sun nights. F'burg is in the heart of the Texas Hill Country. SO beautiful there. It's a small German settlement that has been restored and is full of wonderful antique shops and restaurants and even a museum or two. There's also a rock n roll review show that gets rave reviews. I can't wait!
I think today we are going to take Benny swimming at Landa Park while Christie is at work. Then we'll take Chris and Benny out to dinner tonight for her birthday. So it sounds like it will be a fun day. I hope so. We need to have a pleasant day together here, and it might as well be on Chris' birthday.
I am not doing so well with all this stress and I've regained about 5 pounds. I keep telling myself to get a handle on it. Nancy, I take inspiration from your post this morning. Thank you. I need to force myself to be AWARE of every bite I put in my mouth. No more mindless chomping and chewing. At least I'm not drinking Cokes and eating chocolate candy again. But I'm not sure Fritos and bean dip are any better. LOL!
Oh, and nothing doing with the house so far. It's very discouraging, but I think it will be this way until after the election. People are just hanging back and afraid to make a move. All I can do is pray and put it in God's hands.
Oh, and I wish you all could see my little deer herd. I have so many little mommies and babies this year. They are so sweet to feed every morning and so much fun to watch. The babies play chase in the back lot. They are so fast and bounce and leap so high! The babies are getting old enough now to come up and nibble on the corn I put out every morning. I just love to start my day outside feeding my deer.
So, I'm not able to post much this summer, but I do try to read all the posts every day. I think about each of you and pray for your cir****tances and I am so lucky to count you all as friends! It lightens my load to come here to OFF where I know there is love and wisdom and acceptance of all life's funny little bumps in the road.
Love you all!
Vickie
I remember living with my parents for a few months, when Colleen, my first, was 7-10 months. I argued with Mom all the time. Mom kept telling me I had no clue what I was doing, especially because at the time, I was nursing Colleen, and she had never nursed. Boy, it was hard being a first time Mom, and feeling so inadequate. But, Mom and I never had a good relationship from day one. With my daughter, I try my hardest to follow her requests on how I deal with the older two, because of her strict routine, but when she is not home, I follow my own instincts. In front of her, I respect her desire to be their Mom, and steer clear. I don't agree with all she does, but I know it comes from a strong desire to be a good Mom. Boy, it is hard. But, I always remember how I felt about Mom telling me how to take care of my kids. I don't want Colleen resenting me. Plus, I am trying to make the roles clear. I am the grandmother. Colleen is the Mom.
I hope this helps.
Hugs,
Trish
Albert Schweitzer
Yes, it helps. That's what I want to be: Benny's GRANDMOTHER. Instead I find myself being more of a parent than I really want to have to be. It will be tough until Chris and Benny can move out on their own. I do try to respect her boundaries. But when the baby is lying in the hallway crying his little heart out, and I don't know why he is crying--did he fall and hurt himself? is he just mad and frustrated? what is the the problem?--I have to go and check on him. Then she screams at me to "leave him alone and let him cry it out!" Well, hell, that's just dumb. I need to at least know for sure he's not crying because he's hurt. Not all crying is a temper tantrum, you know? She thinks her way is the ONLY way and her rules are set in stone. She's not very flexible about things. Lord knows, you have to be flexible when raising kids! It's not a "one size fits all" type of job!
But she won't listen to me about anything. She never has and she never will. Some days I just can't stand being around her. I know she loves Benny with all her heart. Her heart is not the problem. The bi-polar disorder is the problem. She's so insistent that everything be all her way all the time. It's very hard to live with. But I'm trying for Benny's sake.
Thanks for the caring post. I really appreciate your friendship!
Vickie
You poor thing. I forgot that Chris is bipolar. That's why Mom and I don't get along so well. We both are. Not a good combination for both Mom and me at the same time.
Of course, I would want to go see why he is on the floor crying, if one of my boys were on the ground. It's hard when they can't communicate what's wrong. And, it's hard when our gut says one thing, from decades of experience, and the Mom is countermanding our desire to do what we think is best.
I do know how hard that is. That is when I stop and pray for my daughter and the grandchild in question, usually Isabel. She is exceptionally sensitive, and can try to manipulate to get her way. I usually fall for it, because I am not with her often enough. My daughter tries to give me the heads up, but I usually don't catch it at first because I am gullible as Grandma. Colleen gets upset with me, and I just have to take that in stride. I'm sure if I lived in Michigan, it would be entirely different, because I would see them more regularly and understand their personalities better.
The best thing you can do is pray for your daughter and her role as a Mom. You are a great role mother on how to be a good mother. Trust God to help Chris learn her role, especially as a single Mom. That's a world harder than we had it when ours were Benny's age. I don't envy today's single working Moms with younger Munchkins to care for. It's a job I could never have handled.
God bless.
Albert Schweitzer
