Exercise is still what it use to be: hard work

Today is walk/run and meeting with trainer from hell.  I’m working with him just until after the first of the year.  He is good at what he does, but he really pushes me.  I keep telling him that I just want to burn a few extra calories not run for Mr. Olympus.  LOL.  But, I’m sort of glad that he is so serious. 

I keep reminding myself over and over again that if I don’t walk/run, I’m not going to maintain my weight.  I also keep telling myself that I can do more by walking faster and further. That is the story of our lives, eat less lose more; walk faster and further, face the scales.  I don’t know.  My husband tells me to slow down and I tell him I’m not going to fast.  The thing about my head is that I do not ever want to gain weight.  When I was on the tube feedings and every night, I hooked the machine and bottle of high fat/calorie crap into the tubing and all night it dropped that crap directly into my intestine and the weight started climbing, I kept thinking that I was going to gain all of the weight back.  Now, the truth is, I would have had to have been on like a million calories a day to get back where I started and I knew that but I still feared it.  Every time I met with the doctor, I asked him if I could get the tube out and he would say five more pounds.  When they revised my pouch to give me more stomach and more intestine, I cringed and thought, well this is it.  So, in my little bitty brain, I think that I am pre-surgery and know that I am not—that I can barely eat one boiled egg on a good day.  But, my brain is so messed up about food. 

So, today, move it like you mean it and do an honest reflection of where you are mentally and where you are physically.  Hi, my name’s Jeannie and I’m a food addict.  Damnit.

 

Jeannie,

In case you don't know it, I just love your posts and the honesty behind them. . .

I so relate to the thought processes you write about and I happy to say that today I was finally able to go to the gym and I FEEL GREAT!!!  I did not push too hard, stretched out my muscles before and did 2.10 miles on the ellipitcal in 28 minutes, which is half my old routine, but it's 28 minutes of sweat equity which has been missing from my life for about 6 weeks or longer and while somehow I've managed to only regain 3.5 pounds of what I had worked hard at losing, I know now that it won't be long before I lose that and more, because what I've worked hard at the past few weeks is keeping on top of what I put into my body knowing that the calories going in are not being burned up as they were when I was exercising, some days are better than others, which is why my scale is 3.5 lbs more than it was two months ago, but considering all things, I don't feel badly about it, as I am learning how to adjust my eating habits to staying healthy.

What I do know is that I never reached my personal goal, but got close enough (within 6 lbs.) to feel as though I am successful and that regain is a part of the process for some of us, but that being said, it does not mean we failed, just that we have more to learn about how to balance our lives when it comes to food and exercise and the mental aspects associated with this journey.  Success is not a number on a scale or the size of my clothes, it is an attitude of willingness to be honest enough to recognize when my behaviors are in need of adjustment and then following through.

Hugs, Laureen

Girl, this is great news.  YOu are on your way now.  Good for you.  And, you're right; success is more about the relizations and not so much about the journey.  

Hi Jeannie, I'm Susan and I'm a food addict, too. I've even entertained going to OA, but still trying my hardest to go it alone (well, with the help of you gals here, that is).

I miss my bike. I miss my bike a LOT. But, I hate that I've moved up a size in my pants and now I'm even considering giving up trying to keep my undies or buy new ones that aren't too tight.  When your underwear is in the mix, it's not a good sign.

Gary and I walked the mall yesterday and my back is feeling pretty good today. Our 10 Fitness opened a new location close to the house, so there yet one less excuse for me not to go. Today is the day I get my fluffy ass either on the treadmill or bike. Maybe the bike and I'll fantasize that I'm riding on the river trail.

Keep up your postings. I enjoy then and get a lot from them!

Hi Susan and welcome.  Good to see that you are taking actions and feeling more in control.  The hardest thing to do is get started.  I'm so happy that you are making positive steps.  Just get one package of panties, so you don't get too comfortable in them.  

Nope....didn't buy any. Just can't make myself go there

Hi, my name is Annette and I am a food addict. I struggle with either food or other addictions daily.

I am trying to win the battle with cigarettes. I would rather smoke than eat. Such a poweful addiction. Patches on, Nicorette gum in good supply, just one minute at a time.

Walking the dog helps with the cravings.

I didn't lose the damned weight to stay unhealthy.

Thanks for your insights Jeannie.

Hang in there Honey.... I know how hard this is, but you've done harder things, I KNOW you have!

Hi Annette and welcome.  You have a big job ahead of you but you can do it.  You're right, one day at a time….one minute at a time.  YOu will win.  YOu are strong.

Hi Jeannie,

My name is Vickie and I'm a food addict.  I crave Cokes and chocolate more than the air I breathe.  I STILL want a Coke at least once a day, even though I haven't had one since last January.  Almost 12 months and the craving is still there.  And I just don't dare let a bite of chocolate pass my lips.  One bite and I know I will succumb. 

I miss other things like ice cream and Mexican food, but I don't crave them.  Food addiction is a powerful force.  I don't think I could do it without the daily support I receive here.

Thank you for posting.  It helps to know I am not alone with my messed up head!