Surfing Sunday-What's Up All?

Monica, 

My mother always cooked a huge Thanksgiving meal and all of her siblings would drop in for either the meal or later coffee and pie.  Her friends would always drop by as well.  We were so poor and every year, she struggled with how she would get a turkey and a ham.  Usually, one of my older brothers would kill a wild turkey and she would barter baked goods to a local pig farmer in exchange for a smoked ham.  Every-once-in- a-while, we would have a hog that we raised and butchered.  She died when I was just a little girl and when I remember her, it is always of her at standing at our kitchen table kneading dough or at the stove.  All of my sisters are like me; we try and recreate that same Thanksgiving ambiance.  Sometimes, when I have dough rising and the yeast smell is filling the house, I can close my eyes and see her standing right before me.  This is the season when she took a turn for the worse.  In fact, it was a few days before thanksgiving that the ambulance came and picked her up and took her to the hospital.  She was so frail and she had given our family dog to her aunt.  I will never forget the look on her face as they loaded her into the back of the ambulance: she knew it was the last time she would see our old homeplace.  She died Dec. 3, 1966.  I stayed in the hospital with her, watching her get weaker and weaker.  When she died, a large chunk of me died too.  My little sister and I were just little girls and we were separated and a few years ago, I told her that when mom died, I felt like a part of me had died, she said, yeah me too but to cap all of that pain off, they separated us and the other half of me that didn't die with mom died from having my sister taken away.  

So, the holidays are hard for me because of losing my mom at such a young age.  I try to stay busy from right before Thanksgiving until after the first of the year so that I can just get through.  But, at night, sometimes I feel that burning in my throat and in my chest and I swallow hard and bite my lip so that I don't lose it.  I am 56 soon to be 57 years old and my mother's death is as fresh today as it was when I was a little girl.   

Oh Jeanne- I'm really not making this about me- I just want you to know how you touch me with your memories of your Mom. I'm sitting here sobbing. I know that I'm still grieving my Mom and it's fresh, but the image and knowledge of what you went through as a child is so heartbreaking. How did all of us ever get through all of the mistakes that were made when we were children? Is it any wonder that so many of us have issues with food?
I thought I was going to breeze through the holidays because my Mom was 84 but I was so, so wrong.

I don't think we ever get over losing our moms.  Our memories of our moms are closely associated to almost every thing we do in life: eating, bathing, brushing our hair, even sleeping.  My mother used to go to bed and we would yell through the house, good night mamma and she would say, good night to each of us.  Sometimes, we made a joke out of it and kept saying good night, and she played along until we all finally did fall asleep.  Now days, I see her in me, my daughter, my grandchildren, and my sisters and their kids.  I look in the mirror and the eyes that look back are her eyes.  My hands, my daughter's voice…we cannot escape our mother's…they are immortal through us and our kids.  I'm happy that you can take what happens to me and springboard your own experience onto it: it isn't making it about you but making it about us…we are an us.   Death doesn't end our pain: it only begins. 

Just doing another quick stop in today...not really getting any packing done yet...grrrrrrrrr planning is getting done though!!! Atleast its something huh? LOL

Had to tell my AVON lady that we were moving away and about our new jobs...she about flipped!!! She was so happy for us!!! Said she would come visit us!!! LOL

Called my mom and sister to tell them we bought the truck and were they ever shocked!!! LOL Hey I told them its not that we didn't need it because we DO!!! This truck is going to be the work truck for sure!!! So now I hope the company is as happy with us as we are for getting it and saving them money!!! Maybe another BONUS for us soon??? LOL

Well almost time for the last NASCAR race of the season. Glad I get to see it all!!! I like Tony and also Carl and if either of them wins I will be happy! I would have loved for Kevin Harvick to win but not sure if he can still do it or not. Missed to many races to know right now. So time to get settled in my chair and watch the pre-race show and then LET's GO RACING!!!!!!!

Thoughts and Prayers for all the need them!!!!

HUGS

PS Where is GRAMMYLEW??? Hope she is ok!!!!!! Anyone know????

Hi Monica and my OFF family:

Getting on here later than I wanted. Tried to Skype with my brother Gary and my mom, but Skype kept quitting on me, so we talked the old-fashioned way ... on the phone. Gary is getting despondent over not having a job and having no prospects. It's been two years. Wish I could wave my wand and get him a job. His unemployment runs out in six weeks and his Cobra at the end of January. Can't imagine not having insurance, especially for him on Crestor, which isn't cheap.

I told him he should apply for disability; he said yeah, but I know he doesn't pay attention to my suggestions (I'm his "little" sister, I don't know anything.). He could get it because of his bad neck that numbs his hand and his bad back; he has limited mobility, so there's limited jobs he could do. If he got disability, he'd get Medicare quicker. He's thinking of pulling out of his 401k early because he has used up his savings.

Not much new here. Back to work tonight. Have a good day everyone.

 Good Evening Monica and OFF Sisters,
I left my daughter's house this morning and spent the day driving to the Pittsburgh area.  I am sitting with my feet up, enjoying a much needed rest.  

I had a wonderful week with my daughter and her family.  My grandchildren are such a joy.  I gave my daughter and her husband their Christmas present early while there.  They need to buy a van, because their car is too small for three growing children in the back seat.  So, I gave them cash.  Yesterday, I also gave my daughter some money for maternity clothes, because I remember being broke, and not having decent clothes to wear when carrying my babies.  Plus, my daughter has to wear nice clothes, as a teacher.  I gave my Munchkins an early present of a CD player and some CDs to play Bible songs and lullabies.  I loved watching my 2 year old, Lincoln, playing music.  

I was hoping to see my youngest son while here, but he is on his way here from home, and tired.  So, that is doubtful.  

I hope to check in before I hit the road tomorrow.  I will be home tomorrow afternoon, and I then have to pick up my dog at Petsmart.  

Prayers for all.

Hugs,
Trish