Realization of being a dumb stupid mother
That is how I am feeling. Can't hope to repair damage between oldest daughter and me. Knowing that whatever I say or do is not welcomed by her is so sad. Drinking brought me there and the memories of me fuel her disdain. Amazing how 3 years of my life can over shadow all those years of being there, supporting her, over looking her bad choices now ruins US. Really down and tears not far away.
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Dear Monica, you are not dumb or stupid and your daughter will come around again in time.
Give her space.
Write her a letter, write down your frustrations, your anger but don't mail it. Really vent in this letter.
Pour out all your emotions. Then destroy it, put fire to it and turn it into ashes.
Then you rise above these ashes and wipe the slate clean.
So you drank for 3 years. I think you have forgiven yourself. Sometimes children take longer.
I know I did. My father was an alcoholic and he left my mom with 5 little kids. I hated him for leaving us, I hated that he spent more time with his bar friends, I don't have too many good memories of my father.
As an adult at the ripe age of 21 or 22 my father called me out of the blue and told me he loved me. In the back of my mind I had planned to rip his nuts off if you get my drift. But some how God put words in my mouth and they were "I love you Daddy", see the little girl in me came out I guess. Thank God I was able to forgive and grow.
I believe your daughter will forgive you in time. Give her space. When you can overcome the hurt and pain then try once again to connect with your daughter. You are a beautiful person and I'm so proud of you. The damage can be repaired if and when your daughter is ready to move on to a new chapter in your life. You have been re-born, not only getting the weight off but really turning your life around and not drinking. Hold your head up high sister, you have plenty to be proud of. Don't even give your daughter the power of you feeling hurt. Cry if you need to then pick yourself up and move on.
Monica, you have a lot to offer. Maybe you should "adopt" a young lady who needs a mother figure in her life. When my mom died I "adopted" a couple of "moms" because hey a gal always needs a mom. My mom wasn't perfect but I loved her and miss her to this day. So until your real daughter can come to grips that you now have your life on track, I say find someone who needs mentoring. Everyone needs to be loved and appreciated. You have a lot to give. Hugs Debbie
Give her space.
Write her a letter, write down your frustrations, your anger but don't mail it. Really vent in this letter.
Pour out all your emotions. Then destroy it, put fire to it and turn it into ashes.
Then you rise above these ashes and wipe the slate clean.
So you drank for 3 years. I think you have forgiven yourself. Sometimes children take longer.
I know I did. My father was an alcoholic and he left my mom with 5 little kids. I hated him for leaving us, I hated that he spent more time with his bar friends, I don't have too many good memories of my father.
As an adult at the ripe age of 21 or 22 my father called me out of the blue and told me he loved me. In the back of my mind I had planned to rip his nuts off if you get my drift. But some how God put words in my mouth and they were "I love you Daddy", see the little girl in me came out I guess. Thank God I was able to forgive and grow.
I believe your daughter will forgive you in time. Give her space. When you can overcome the hurt and pain then try once again to connect with your daughter. You are a beautiful person and I'm so proud of you. The damage can be repaired if and when your daughter is ready to move on to a new chapter in your life. You have been re-born, not only getting the weight off but really turning your life around and not drinking. Hold your head up high sister, you have plenty to be proud of. Don't even give your daughter the power of you feeling hurt. Cry if you need to then pick yourself up and move on.
Monica, you have a lot to offer. Maybe you should "adopt" a young lady who needs a mother figure in her life. When my mom died I "adopted" a couple of "moms" because hey a gal always needs a mom. My mom wasn't perfect but I loved her and miss her to this day. So until your real daughter can come to grips that you now have your life on track, I say find someone who needs mentoring. Everyone needs to be loved and appreciated. You have a lot to give. Hugs Debbie
Monica
I am sorry.. I think we have all been there. Once my son and I were estranged ( his wife wanted him to have Nothing to do with us ) and his fault for doing it but he did .. I wrote him a long heartfelt email and told him how sorry I was if I did anything and talked about all the years of him growing up and how much I loved /had always loved him and so forth .
I told him that i had made mistakes / we all do as humans and just because I had the name of MOM , that didnt make me perfect because there wasnt a manual that came with babies telling us all the right things ..
Anyway , a couple months went by and one day out of the blue he called me and we never had another cross word up until he passed away 2 years after we made up and 2 years ago that he passed away.
I guess I am saying this all to say that never give up....God works in mysterious ways and she can always have a change of heart,,,
Hugs
Shirley
I am sorry.. I think we have all been there. Once my son and I were estranged ( his wife wanted him to have Nothing to do with us ) and his fault for doing it but he did .. I wrote him a long heartfelt email and told him how sorry I was if I did anything and talked about all the years of him growing up and how much I loved /had always loved him and so forth .
I told him that i had made mistakes / we all do as humans and just because I had the name of MOM , that didnt make me perfect because there wasnt a manual that came with babies telling us all the right things ..
Anyway , a couple months went by and one day out of the blue he called me and we never had another cross word up until he passed away 2 years after we made up and 2 years ago that he passed away.
I guess I am saying this all to say that never give up....God works in mysterious ways and she can always have a change of heart,,,
Hugs
Shirley
Monica,
You are one of the finest women I know. Your are smart, witty, sensitive and kind. My wish for you is to be happy and proud of who you are today. Yes, Mothers make mistakes. And then so do daughters. I will be praying that she will open up to you and realize what a great Mom she has now. Hugs and Love, Mag
You are one of the finest women I know. Your are smart, witty, sensitive and kind. My wish for you is to be happy and proud of who you are today. Yes, Mothers make mistakes. And then so do daughters. I will be praying that she will open up to you and realize what a great Mom she has now. Hugs and Love, Mag
Oh, sweet Monica! Now, no tears on your birthday!
Mother/daughter relationships can be so difficult. I have, at times, been estranged from both of my girls, sometimes for months, or in one case, for a couple of years. Yet, right now, we are all close again. So give it time. It will come right again.
Now, here is what I do when I start to fret and worry (I think you call it OCD'ing). I guess it's a self-taught form of meditation, but it works for me. Maybe it will work for you, too.
Take a deep slow breath and chant in your mind, "let go"; then exhale completely and chant in your mind, "go on". Close your eyes if it helps. Just deep slow breathing and empty your mind of everything except those two phrases: "let go . . . go on . . ." Just keep doing it until you feel calm again, or drop off to sleep.
Besides, isn't this the daughter who is pregnant right now? And struggling with her hormones and emotions? Maybe the fault isn't all yours, did you think of that? Maybe she's the one causing the problem this time.
I think you are a lovely, strong, wise lady with so much to offer. Be proud of your sobriety and your heruculean efforts to reclaim your life! You are a very fine, brave woman! Daughter will come around in time and she will be proud of you. I'll bet you that SHE makes more than a few mistakes with her kids along the way, too. Perhaps she will begin to see you as a real human being then, rather than as just MOM. MOM is a tough title to live up to 24/7. Give her a few years, and she might be singing a different tune.
As I recently told someone, "I used to think I could handle anything [meaning my kids], but I got all that beat out of me!"
Love you, friend!
Mother/daughter relationships can be so difficult. I have, at times, been estranged from both of my girls, sometimes for months, or in one case, for a couple of years. Yet, right now, we are all close again. So give it time. It will come right again.
Now, here is what I do when I start to fret and worry (I think you call it OCD'ing). I guess it's a self-taught form of meditation, but it works for me. Maybe it will work for you, too.
Take a deep slow breath and chant in your mind, "let go"; then exhale completely and chant in your mind, "go on". Close your eyes if it helps. Just deep slow breathing and empty your mind of everything except those two phrases: "let go . . . go on . . ." Just keep doing it until you feel calm again, or drop off to sleep.
Besides, isn't this the daughter who is pregnant right now? And struggling with her hormones and emotions? Maybe the fault isn't all yours, did you think of that? Maybe she's the one causing the problem this time.
I think you are a lovely, strong, wise lady with so much to offer. Be proud of your sobriety and your heruculean efforts to reclaim your life! You are a very fine, brave woman! Daughter will come around in time and she will be proud of you. I'll bet you that SHE makes more than a few mistakes with her kids along the way, too. Perhaps she will begin to see you as a real human being then, rather than as just MOM. MOM is a tough title to live up to 24/7. Give her a few years, and she might be singing a different tune.
As I recently told someone, "I used to think I could handle anything [meaning my kids], but I got all that beat out of me!"
Love you, friend!
Vickie
Monica,
I, too, have a child that won't let go of certain things, our relationship can be strained at times, but sometimes in life, time is the great healer and life experience, our children sometimes, because they lack real life experience fail to understand that we are human beings and subject to making bad decisions that hurt ourselves, as well as others, but that is part of the human living experience. Hopefully, one day she will see herself making some sort of decision that is a life's lesson and realize how foolish she is being by not forgiving you for what she perceives of as having wronged her. I wish you peace in finding that you did the best you could and that who you are right now is a strong and wonderful human being.
Hugs, Laureen
I, too, have a child that won't let go of certain things, our relationship can be strained at times, but sometimes in life, time is the great healer and life experience, our children sometimes, because they lack real life experience fail to understand that we are human beings and subject to making bad decisions that hurt ourselves, as well as others, but that is part of the human living experience. Hopefully, one day she will see herself making some sort of decision that is a life's lesson and realize how foolish she is being by not forgiving you for what she perceives of as having wronged her. I wish you peace in finding that you did the best you could and that who you are right now is a strong and wonderful human being.
Hugs, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
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