Time to fess up.
They say confession is good for the soul. Well, I am hoping that it is also good for food plan.
I had been sugar abstinent from Ash Wednesday till about a month ago. I felt so much better, and did not have any problem turning down anything that had sugar.
Now, I am a junkie looking for a fix anymore. I am addicted to Nabisco Sugar Wafers, which not all stores carry. I can go through a box in a day. Because not all stores carry it, when I find them in a store, I buy all they have. Last week, I bought 7 boxes at one store. Sunday, after my trip to Maryland for the wedding, I bought 8 boxes.
Like a junkie, I hide my stash in case someone should be in my apartment. I have been out of control, and feeling hopeless.
When I had my surgery, I had no problem being sugar free, and was devout in ,my diet and exercise. When I relapsed on alcohol in December of 2007, I also picked up sugar and was out of control with it till Ash Wednesday. I stopped eating it then, and I am not even Catholic.
I have considered returning to Overeaters Anonymous, which I attended and was active in, many years ago. Problem is, my AA attendance has been poor for a lot of lame reasons, so I am reluctant to start attending OA when I can't even get my butt to AA.
My therapist and I have discussed using coping skills, what he and I call self-soothing, to deal with the feelings I get that lead me to overeat, or any other self-defeating behavior. I have not even given those coping skills a thought when I am tempted.
I am supposed to schedule my 5 year check up with my surgeon in August, and am reluctant to do that. Last year, he gave me a set of guidelines for my diet, which I filed away and have not even attempted. I am ashamed and embarassed to see him. (I did see him when I had my endoscopy because he was in pre-op checking on another patient, and we talked.)
So, I am admitting to you all for the first time. Nobody else knows about this sugar relapse, and I want to leave it that way for now. I feel like I did when I relapsed on alcohol. Ashamed and embarassed.
Sorry this is so long. I am really upset tonight.
Hugs,
Trish
I had been sugar abstinent from Ash Wednesday till about a month ago. I felt so much better, and did not have any problem turning down anything that had sugar.
Now, I am a junkie looking for a fix anymore. I am addicted to Nabisco Sugar Wafers, which not all stores carry. I can go through a box in a day. Because not all stores carry it, when I find them in a store, I buy all they have. Last week, I bought 7 boxes at one store. Sunday, after my trip to Maryland for the wedding, I bought 8 boxes.
Like a junkie, I hide my stash in case someone should be in my apartment. I have been out of control, and feeling hopeless.
When I had my surgery, I had no problem being sugar free, and was devout in ,my diet and exercise. When I relapsed on alcohol in December of 2007, I also picked up sugar and was out of control with it till Ash Wednesday. I stopped eating it then, and I am not even Catholic.
I have considered returning to Overeaters Anonymous, which I attended and was active in, many years ago. Problem is, my AA attendance has been poor for a lot of lame reasons, so I am reluctant to start attending OA when I can't even get my butt to AA.
My therapist and I have discussed using coping skills, what he and I call self-soothing, to deal with the feelings I get that lead me to overeat, or any other self-defeating behavior. I have not even given those coping skills a thought when I am tempted.
I am supposed to schedule my 5 year check up with my surgeon in August, and am reluctant to do that. Last year, he gave me a set of guidelines for my diet, which I filed away and have not even attempted. I am ashamed and embarassed to see him. (I did see him when I had my endoscopy because he was in pre-op checking on another patient, and we talked.)
So, I am admitting to you all for the first time. Nobody else knows about this sugar relapse, and I want to leave it that way for now. I feel like I did when I relapsed on alcohol. Ashamed and embarassed.
Sorry this is so long. I am really upset tonight.
Hugs,
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
All you can do, is get back on the horse and ride it.
Get rid of the sugar cookies. If you can't eat just one or two, get them out of the house. You already know yourself. If alcohol is an issue for you ~~~ you already know not to have it in the house. If those cookies are an issue, and you cannot control yourself around them, and you are hoarding cookies..... you already KNOW what you need to do.....you just don't want to.
As any good therapist will tell you (and I think I'm a pretty good one) you have to be ready to go there. If going cookie less is how you have to go, to get where you want to be.....then that's how you are going to have to get there. But you also know that you have to get to a place in your head that allows you to do that.
Finding that place (emotionally) is where you and your therapist need to search for....
For me --- thankfully, I don't have that addictive part to my personality. I can ignore the junk in my house that the teenagers bring in. I can even eat half a serving of chocolate covered almonds, and stop there. I'm lucky in that. But I know where my stuff is.
You have got to look at your cookies in the same way as you do alcohol. Use AA or OA -- just substitute one poison; for the other.....
This is the really hard part of weight loss -- the part that's in your head; not your tummy.
Briar Rose 
High Wt 300 lbs. Pre-op Wt loss 34 lbs.
High Wt 300 lbs. Pre-op Wt loss 34 lbs. 
OH HELL NO Trish do NOT feel embarrassed or even ashamed. Come on girl I'm putting tough love on you and you Will do this today, promise me okay?
Take those sugar cookies, open them up and run water all over them and throw them in the trash. Now that is a start.
Look at what is in your fridge and pantry, throw the crap out that isn't good for you. Detox your apartment.
So your sweet tooth came back in a vengeance, it's pissed at you for not feeding it sugar. So now you have to also "detox" your body of crap. Can you do this for 3 days? Return to protein drinks just like a pre-op diet, but it's only for 3 days. I like the EAS protein drinks only 110 calories and 17 gms of protein. Now if you feel the need for crunch and I'm sure you will eat celery or baby carrots. YOU can do this for 3 days right? You did it before, why not now?
Don't you deserve to be happy and healthy? Journal why you are reaching for food, what is setting you off? Dig deep. Sometimes yes digging deep hurts.
Make yourself go to OA if that helps you. Go to a bariatric support group in your area.
Trish, confession is good for the soul but now you have to start "doing" and I know you are a doer!! Feeling ashamed and embarrassed won't do any good for you now, it's a useless emotion and won't get you anywhere. This won't be easy but I know you can do it. Hugs Debbie
Take those sugar cookies, open them up and run water all over them and throw them in the trash. Now that is a start.
Look at what is in your fridge and pantry, throw the crap out that isn't good for you. Detox your apartment.
So your sweet tooth came back in a vengeance, it's pissed at you for not feeding it sugar. So now you have to also "detox" your body of crap. Can you do this for 3 days? Return to protein drinks just like a pre-op diet, but it's only for 3 days. I like the EAS protein drinks only 110 calories and 17 gms of protein. Now if you feel the need for crunch and I'm sure you will eat celery or baby carrots. YOU can do this for 3 days right? You did it before, why not now?
Don't you deserve to be happy and healthy? Journal why you are reaching for food, what is setting you off? Dig deep. Sometimes yes digging deep hurts.
Make yourself go to OA if that helps you. Go to a bariatric support group in your area.
Trish, confession is good for the soul but now you have to start "doing" and I know you are a doer!! Feeling ashamed and embarrassed won't do any good for you now, it's a useless emotion and won't get you anywhere. This won't be easy but I know you can do it. Hugs Debbie
Trish, I am proud of you for having the guts to post this....that in itself was a step forward. Girl, we are all human, we make mistakes. Unfortunately with trigger foods just like alcohol, one bite and we're off and running.
Like the others said -- get rid of everything in your apt. that has sugar, that's the first big step.....it's hard, I know from personal experience, but you can do it and we're right here cheering for you.
Just know this too can be a victory -- ask God to give you the strength, you know he is always with you.
Love and hugs,
Pat R.
Like the others said -- get rid of everything in your apt. that has sugar, that's the first big step.....it's hard, I know from personal experience, but you can do it and we're right here cheering for you.
Just know this too can be a victory -- ask God to give you the strength, you know he is always with you.
Love and hugs,
Pat R.
(on MySpace, MSN, Web pages, Blogs...)
Done! Your Ticker:
Trish,
Glad you came clean on what you have been hiding, I think Debbie gave you a good solution and I think you need to be more proactive in your attendance of AA meetings and support group too!
As a support group leader, I am emploring you to get back to attending Barix meetings. At least give it a try.
I have some ideas for how to run the support group based on situations like yours, mine and other long-term WLSr's, people who struggle with the "addiction" part of this disease of obesity and part of that is that I want us to have the support we need to help one another continue "successing". This surgery was not on our heads and therein lies the problem, you can do many things, but unless and until you deal with the head issues surrounding our relationship with food, then sooner or later there is a real good chance we will regain most, if not all that we lost and that has got to feel real bad, because I have felt real bad about my 25 lbs. regain and I know I am not alone. So with that said, I ask you to make the time and get yourself back into some kind of regular support group for what you need and for you to participate. Yes, OH is a good forum for support, but I believe in person support is also a necessary component. You MUST be proactive about your "addictions". Trish you know I speak from experience here, I am today 24 years sober, but about 8 years ago I thought I could take what I knew and do it on my own, in that time I gained 25 lbs. to my already obese self, acted out in other ways that were not honoring my own values and found myself wishing I were dead and after struggling alone in isolation for 2.5 years I finally became willing to listen when a good sober friend suggested I make a meeting and my first response to her was not pretty, but her being a good AAr and Al-non, just let me make my way and thanks to her, I went back to meetings, began living my life the way it was meant to be lived and doing that lead me to Barix and taking charge of one of the last active addictions I still had. It is not easy, Dr. Marymor said as much last week, but it can be conquered one day at a time, one meal at a time and with the support of others who know exactly how you are feeling!!! Please do not be ashamed, shame is your enemy and will take you down if you give it the time of day.
You know I am here for you, you know I understand and if you want the help, then you simply have to show up.
Hugs, Laureen
Glad you came clean on what you have been hiding, I think Debbie gave you a good solution and I think you need to be more proactive in your attendance of AA meetings and support group too!
As a support group leader, I am emploring you to get back to attending Barix meetings. At least give it a try.
I have some ideas for how to run the support group based on situations like yours, mine and other long-term WLSr's, people who struggle with the "addiction" part of this disease of obesity and part of that is that I want us to have the support we need to help one another continue "successing". This surgery was not on our heads and therein lies the problem, you can do many things, but unless and until you deal with the head issues surrounding our relationship with food, then sooner or later there is a real good chance we will regain most, if not all that we lost and that has got to feel real bad, because I have felt real bad about my 25 lbs. regain and I know I am not alone. So with that said, I ask you to make the time and get yourself back into some kind of regular support group for what you need and for you to participate. Yes, OH is a good forum for support, but I believe in person support is also a necessary component. You MUST be proactive about your "addictions". Trish you know I speak from experience here, I am today 24 years sober, but about 8 years ago I thought I could take what I knew and do it on my own, in that time I gained 25 lbs. to my already obese self, acted out in other ways that were not honoring my own values and found myself wishing I were dead and after struggling alone in isolation for 2.5 years I finally became willing to listen when a good sober friend suggested I make a meeting and my first response to her was not pretty, but her being a good AAr and Al-non, just let me make my way and thanks to her, I went back to meetings, began living my life the way it was meant to be lived and doing that lead me to Barix and taking charge of one of the last active addictions I still had. It is not easy, Dr. Marymor said as much last week, but it can be conquered one day at a time, one meal at a time and with the support of others who know exactly how you are feeling!!! Please do not be ashamed, shame is your enemy and will take you down if you give it the time of day.
You know I am here for you, you know I understand and if you want the help, then you simply have to show up.
Hugs, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Laureen you ROCK!!!
This baggage we carry around is hard. Dumping it for good is easier said than done.
Congrats on your 24 years of being sober.
Some people need more accountability than others. I'm one of them.
Having a plan in place even if you have to do this everyday...and that's me...I have to have structure and a plan, it's just easier for me.
Some need routine and can't deviate from it and some can.
Some can eat 6 chocolate covered nuts and some can't.
What works for one will not work for others.
We all need support and I honestly believe we can't do this alone.
Support, support and more support I say.
Some things click and I connect and some times it doesn't.
I have always clicked with what you post. Even when it's AA stuff, I just turn it around to food and bam! I can use that information.
So Trish if you are reading this, you now know you will get love, support and encouragement. Make you a priority today, put you first and re-read all the posts, you have great information.
See, you are worth every word written. You are worthy of being healthy and happy and it's yours for the taking, you just need to find a support meeting today. Hugs again, Debbie
This baggage we carry around is hard. Dumping it for good is easier said than done.
Congrats on your 24 years of being sober.
Some people need more accountability than others. I'm one of them.
Having a plan in place even if you have to do this everyday...and that's me...I have to have structure and a plan, it's just easier for me.
Some need routine and can't deviate from it and some can.
Some can eat 6 chocolate covered nuts and some can't.
What works for one will not work for others.
We all need support and I honestly believe we can't do this alone.
Support, support and more support I say.
Some things click and I connect and some times it doesn't.
I have always clicked with what you post. Even when it's AA stuff, I just turn it around to food and bam! I can use that information.
So Trish if you are reading this, you now know you will get love, support and encouragement. Make you a priority today, put you first and re-read all the posts, you have great information.
See, you are worth every word written. You are worthy of being healthy and happy and it's yours for the taking, you just need to find a support meeting today. Hugs again, Debbie
Trish, when you mention coping skills....it sounds to me like the sugar consumption has become a coping skill. Not a healthy one, but just the same.
And so the question becomes: do you need a new coping skill to replace the addictive eating? Or to cope with it (giving a double layer of coping) as opposed to addressing what is really going on in the first place, underneath it all? Is the addiction the problem? Or is the addiction the symptom of something else?
I don't mean to be facetious or play with words, and you certainly need not answer these questions here, but something's going on. You have a lot to deal with on any given day, and I just sense a need to be as direct as possible as you work it through.
And so the question becomes: do you need a new coping skill to replace the addictive eating? Or to cope with it (giving a double layer of coping) as opposed to addressing what is really going on in the first place, underneath it all? Is the addiction the problem? Or is the addiction the symptom of something else?
I don't mean to be facetious or play with words, and you certainly need not answer these questions here, but something's going on. You have a lot to deal with on any given day, and I just sense a need to be as direct as possible as you work it through.
Dear Trish,
I'm so proud of you for posting about your sugar addition. I'm sure it was difficult to do. When I do things that are not good for me I berate myself which only makes me feel worse. Many times confiding in my friends is a wonderful release of negative emotions. I hope it is for you. We are all here for you. One for all and all for one. You are not alone. And I do agree that this a wonderful place for all of us, but there is something very positive about speaking to a person face to face. I know you will get through this. Much love, Mag Praying for you.
I'm so proud of you for posting about your sugar addition. I'm sure it was difficult to do. When I do things that are not good for me I berate myself which only makes me feel worse. Many times confiding in my friends is a wonderful release of negative emotions. I hope it is for you. We are all here for you. One for all and all for one. You are not alone. And I do agree that this a wonderful place for all of us, but there is something very positive about speaking to a person face to face. I know you will get through this. Much love, Mag Praying for you.
(((Trish))) I can't say anymore than what has already been said...Debbie pointed out the best thing to do with the cookies and any other sugar treats you have in your home....Laureen also was making another good point...get back to your support group meetings!!!
We are here for you and do not feel ashamed or embarassed!!! We have all I am sure at one time or another slipped back into old eating habits!!! Now get busy and throw out those BAD FOODS!!!! Remember we ARE here for you to help you get through this bad time!!!!
HUGS
Patricia.....congratulations on admitting your problem.. I am so proud of you!!!
Believe me you are not alone as I am going through the same thing with chocolate. I crave it all the time. Some days I do good....other days OH WOW!!! I wi**** made me sick but it doesn't.
I know that my depression is a big factor for me. However, it is only an excuse.....same as it is in the house for "everyone" else. I know it is wrong to eat it....can't seem to shake it. Maybe we should hold each other accountable!
I am wishing you the very best......we are here to help you anyway we can.
Much love and many hugs.....connie d
Believe me you are not alone as I am going through the same thing with chocolate. I crave it all the time. Some days I do good....other days OH WOW!!! I wi**** made me sick but it doesn't.
I know that my depression is a big factor for me. However, it is only an excuse.....same as it is in the house for "everyone" else. I know it is wrong to eat it....can't seem to shake it. Maybe we should hold each other accountable!
I am wishing you the very best......we are here to help you anyway we can.
Much love and many hugs.....connie d
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