The Continuing Saga
It seems that I hardly ever get to post anymore- I'm missing the routine. I am giving it my best shot with my Mom staying at home but my best is not going to be enough I'm afraid. On her best days I feel so confident that she can handle being alone for a day, but on other days it becomes crystal clear that she is way too handicapped to manage being alone. She has days when she needs help getting off the toilet, chair and bed. I'm almost sure that it is her brain that fluctuates, not her physical ability. She forgets the motor sequences that she needs to do things- we take all of this for granted, but every time we move our brain is functioning in miraculous ways- hers is not. I am also having lots of poop and pee issues with her. She has fallen three times- I have severe back issues... the writing is on the wall.
The good news is that the home health nurse was totally impressed with my system with her. She said that I've been wonderful- done everything right and with the right amount of caring and strictness. But the dementia is too severe, even with the factoring in of deafness, weakness, and back pain. In living with Mom I see it clearly. The essence of my Mom is almost gone.
I'm not sorry for this time. I had to figure this puzzle out and make the best decisions for her. I'm smart enough to do this- and I know her better than the professionals that have provided care. I take the time to talk with her (using a markerboard- she can still read). I make her move, talk, exercise, do puzzles. I help her to be independent as much as is possible. I know that when we place her she most likely will get less care than I can give her- but I have my own life too, with work and husband and all of the rest. So this time was to be limited no matter what.
Now we are back to looking for a place. Here we go.... I'm hoping for the best.
Julia
The good news is that the home health nurse was totally impressed with my system with her. She said that I've been wonderful- done everything right and with the right amount of caring and strictness. But the dementia is too severe, even with the factoring in of deafness, weakness, and back pain. In living with Mom I see it clearly. The essence of my Mom is almost gone.
I'm not sorry for this time. I had to figure this puzzle out and make the best decisions for her. I'm smart enough to do this- and I know her better than the professionals that have provided care. I take the time to talk with her (using a markerboard- she can still read). I make her move, talk, exercise, do puzzles. I help her to be independent as much as is possible. I know that when we place her she most likely will get less care than I can give her- but I have my own life too, with work and husband and all of the rest. So this time was to be limited no matter what.
Now we are back to looking for a place. Here we go.... I'm hoping for the best.
Julia
Julia, you are in my thoughts and prayers.....having gone thru this with my Mom, I know how hard it is. Know that you have done what you needed to do. You cannot jeopardize your own health trying to care for her....it's time for the next difficult step.
Hang tough, sweetie. We are all here for you.
Love and hugs,
Pat R.
Hang tough, sweetie. We are all here for you.
Love and hugs,
Pat R.
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Done! Your Ticker:
We were lucky to find a wonderful nursing home, lots of activity you could not op out of each day. The level of caring nursing staff and support staff amazed me. Her care givers were mostly women from the Islands, strong, affectionate, involved, pushy at times. Mom never had a bed sore, fall, was unclean and she had severe alzheimers dz.Prayers that you can find and deliver on such a place for your mom.
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Julia,
As I've said before, I watched my cousin go through this with her Mom (my Great Aunt Mary (grandfather's sister)), she went through so much to try and keep her Mom at home and she managed to do it for 2 years with round the clock assistance, but finally was forced to face the fact that her Mom needed to be in a care facility that can give her the kind of care needed.
I'll tell you what I told her and that is, you've done all you can and you will continue to love her and by making sure she is in a place where she can get what she needs, the burden will lighten on you and then you can just give her the love you have. You got that information from the professional, now do what you need and be at peace. I know it is not easy, but your heart knows what is right.
Sending love and thoughts of peace and strength your way, Laureen
As I've said before, I watched my cousin go through this with her Mom (my Great Aunt Mary (grandfather's sister)), she went through so much to try and keep her Mom at home and she managed to do it for 2 years with round the clock assistance, but finally was forced to face the fact that her Mom needed to be in a care facility that can give her the kind of care needed.
I'll tell you what I told her and that is, you've done all you can and you will continue to love her and by making sure she is in a place where she can get what she needs, the burden will lighten on you and then you can just give her the love you have. You got that information from the professional, now do what you need and be at peace. I know it is not easy, but your heart knows what is right.
Sending love and thoughts of peace and strength your way, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Julia
I know this is a very hard time for you. I remember having to make that decision for my father. I think a lot of the difficulty was a feeling of guilt. I felt we should be able to care for him after all he was our father and I felt that we were dumping him and washing our hands of the responsibility. Of course that was not the case but it felt like it anyway. His doctor finally said what was needed to make us think rationally. He told us that placing my dad in a care facility might shorten his life a little but keeping him at home would shorten my mother's life. Once the decision was made and we saw how well he was cared for we relaxed a little. He lived in the care facility for 6 years before he died. We prolonged his life when we probably should not have. We finally realized that he had no quality of life and made the decision to not take extreme measures to keep him alive and instead to let God take him when he was ready. The decision was easier with my mother. She is of clear mind for an 89 year old and was able to help make the decision.
This is a tough process and everyone has their own path through it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
I know this is a very hard time for you. I remember having to make that decision for my father. I think a lot of the difficulty was a feeling of guilt. I felt we should be able to care for him after all he was our father and I felt that we were dumping him and washing our hands of the responsibility. Of course that was not the case but it felt like it anyway. His doctor finally said what was needed to make us think rationally. He told us that placing my dad in a care facility might shorten his life a little but keeping him at home would shorten my mother's life. Once the decision was made and we saw how well he was cared for we relaxed a little. He lived in the care facility for 6 years before he died. We prolonged his life when we probably should not have. We finally realized that he had no quality of life and made the decision to not take extreme measures to keep him alive and instead to let God take him when he was ready. The decision was easier with my mother. She is of clear mind for an 89 year old and was able to help make the decision.
This is a tough process and everyone has their own path through it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Julia,
God bless you for the care you are giving your mom! you will never regret it.
I know the only regret I had about caring for my mom was something I didn't do. We were lucky, Mom chose to go the the excellent care facility she was in. while she could still make her own decisions though I Don't think she realized shed not go home again.
I hope you find the same kind of place for your mom, Loving care wonderful staff lots of activities and everything your mom needs. My prayers going up for you and your mom.
God bless you for the care you are giving your mom! you will never regret it.
I know the only regret I had about caring for my mom was something I didn't do. We were lucky, Mom chose to go the the excellent care facility she was in. while she could still make her own decisions though I Don't think she realized shed not go home again.
I hope you find the same kind of place for your mom, Loving care wonderful staff lots of activities and everything your mom needs. My prayers going up for you and your mom.
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