OT:Duct tape, butter, and toilet seats

What a good topic Monica.

Before Tom and I got married, we agreed to never complain about a habit or trait we were aware of BEFORE we got married.

For example - when I am being stubborn, I ask "did you know that before we got married?" In the first few years Tom would respond "yes" and let it drop. Now he gives me a big smile and says "nope, you were easy." Either way, it clears the air.

What a novel idea - a duct tape patch work quilt.

Kisses
Annette

Hmmmmm. .  .. almost 39 years here, many good ones, some kind of tough. Lesson: don't expect to CHANGE someone you love into a "mold" that you think they should fit. Doesn't work very well and all parties concerned will be miserable. Like Annette says we are who we are when we marry. Many of those qualities are WHY we fell in love with that person in the first place. However, love can be a bit near sighted at times! Another observation: It's amazing to me just how many thousands of times that my spouse will open an upper cupboard, leave it open, and then proceed to bash his head into it! So why would I think that I might be able to change qualities of his that I don't care for??????? Stupid, stupid Karen! We've both been much happier as I've let him be who he is! Low and behold some of those things that bothered me so much have mellowed through the years. Or are my eyes getting worse???

No, your "in"sight has sharpened.

that is what i think too Monica and Karen as we get older we get wiser and we realize we only have so much energy to use a day lol so we need to keep it with us to use wisely on things that really matter and we have learned that what matters isnt whether someone puts the tolet seat down or if they squeeze the toothpast in the middle or if they dont pick up a sock now and then lol but wheather they love and care about us ...and how much we can love and  care for people....things that we use to think were so important and aggrivated us to death just seem silly now ...
LOVE is all that matters.....Jesus even said the greatest of all attributes is to Love....dont ever fail to say it to everyone that you love....as many times as you can cause you NEVER know when it will be the last time.....

Great topic. 
I had to learn to appreciate the man  I married instead of wishing he were different in some ways.   I am  a bit of a romantic   he is the farthest thing from a romantic there could be!   but he does so much for me in so many many little ways.    I do appreciate him as he is now,

I heard something that made sense when I was younger.... at your younger age you are drawn to sex- want a good sexual partner, a bit older you need a good father for your children, later on you need a good companion. I think my biggest disappointment was that I thought the sexual part would stay the same, and it didn't.  I have come to realize that the rest is much more important to me as I age, and my husband is a wonderful father and companion. Too much information... probably... but that's my take on it. We've been married almost 28 years.
Julia

  Julia, I just have to share TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Since my successful WLS and PS our intimacy has gone over the top. Hubby loves to adore me often and daily. When he is feeling good and even when he is hurting from pain, he loves to please me. Sometimes I could brain him, but I don't. During our years together, work, PTSD, alcohol, children, LIFE got the better of us. Now with our time of relaxation we can and do enjoy each other without restriction.
I have had to put a stop to his buying me all kinds of pretty nighties and things...give me a white man's shirt or Tee, comfy. Hugs, Monica

Oh, I love this topic.  We will be married 30 years come May.  Before we married we both agreed that we didn't believe in divorce, but that there were 2 exceptions:  1) if you ever cheat on me, I'm gone; and 2) if you ever hit me, I'm gone.  This works both ways.

So through all these years, most very good, a few bad, I've never gotten the "signal" that our marriage is done.  I've never threatened to leave and neither has he.  Instead we just stuck it out together, and sometimes we had to wait awhile for the good feelings to return, but they always did!

A couple of other truths have emerged over the years as well, and I share these with my daughters all the time.  The first is: you have to look to the good and overlook the bad.  Whenever DH does something that I find annoying or irritating, I remind myself of his many good qualities.  If I dwell on the thing that annoys me, we are sure to have words over it.  It's far better to overlook small faults!  We all have them.  We have to look past them.

The other great truth of my marriage has been honesty.  We tell each other the truth.  I don't lie, I don't "hide" things, I don't manipulate the facts.  I just tell the truth.  Easier said than done, but the reward is a deep and abiding trust in one another which creates a home that is a safe haven in any storm.  We trust each other completely, and that is a very rare gift indeed.

And on the lighter side, there have been many little things I have given in on over the years.  His mother always folded underwear and socks her way and I had mine.  When we first married, I noticed that DH would actually refold his underwear to the way he was most familiar with!  OMG.  What did it matter?  I have since folded underwear, socks, even towels HIS way, not mine.  And store brands were another thing.  I liked one kind of baking powder and he liked another.  Okay, fine.  We'll buy your kind.  Silly little adjustments.  The only thing we still disagree on to this day are biscuits!  I like mine light and fluffy, he likes his heavy and tough!  (He probably would take exception to my description of his biscuits, but they ARE heavy and tough!  Ha!)

So love deeply, laugh often, and cherish one another. 

Thanks, Monica, for starting us off on this topic.  What a wise bunch we all are, hmmm? 

Vickie

Oh Monica,  I love the metaphor of your "sturdy and colorful patch quilt" as it represents your marriage!  What a wonderful image!  A beautiful blending of two seemingly different materials into a new and stronger fabric that is both warm and comfy!  Very poetic and so very apt!

Thanks for sharing with us today!

Vickie

Wife and I have identical cell phones - but only one of them has duct tape on it.

Wife is a retired college professor and a dietitian, to boot.  However,we made a an agreement nearly 20 years ago that she may be a dietitian, but she's not MY dietitian.  I would never blame her for my obesity and she would never force me to live any life-style I didn't want to live.  She loved me fat and she loves me less fat - she's my #1 cheer-leader on my weight loss journey - helping with my meal planning and exercising w/me 90% of the time.  

So last night I asked her to step into the closet, heh, heh, - no, not that - I wanted her to be the first to see that the scale showed I hade lost 100 lbs. - I'm 4 mos. post op. and blissfully happy with my life and my marriage.  It's my 3rd, her 2nd, and OUR last - we're celebrating 17 years together w/ trips to the Carribean next month and Italy in Sept.  Ain't life grand?
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