Today's Reflection
Accepting Love
Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.
To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.
We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find its own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?
Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?
We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help ourselves, the other person, or the relationship by trying to force it or by doing all the work.
Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.
Today, I will stop doing all the work in my relationships. I will give myself and the other person the gift of requiring both people to participate. I do not have to do all the work; I need only do my share.
Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.
To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard. We may have done all or most of the work. Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring. It is self-defeating and relationship defeating. It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship. It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share. Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.
We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find its own life. Are we doing all the calling? Are we doing all the initiating? Are we doing all the giving? Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?
Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?
We can let go. If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be. We do not help that process by trying to control it. We do not help ourselves, the other person, or the relationship by trying to force it or by doing all the work.
Let it be. Wait and see. Stop worrying about making it happen. See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.
Today, I will stop doing all the work in my relationships. I will give myself and the other person the gift of requiring both people to participate. I do not have to do all the work; I need only do my share.
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Aloha Laureen....I always read your reflections....and this is a doozy. Oh, I have been the worker bee many times in a relationship, and then ended up feeling used, manipulated and mad. I wish for a peace of mind that lets me be OK with people as they are and to quit trying to change them. Love and tolerance.........good words to live by.
Aloha nui loa, and mahalo,
Maui Karen
Aloha nui loa, and mahalo,
Maui Karen
Laureen,
What a great post! I have come to realize that relationships are one of the hardest things for me to do well. It has taken 64 years for me to come to this conclusion. Part of me feels sorry for myself for all the lost opportunities, but a larger part of me feels forgiveness for the person I used to be and the difficulties I had in dealing with the world. Without this forgiveness, I would not have the feeling of tranquility in my life today. I spent so many weeks/months/years trying to make things work, taking one impossible relationships and thinking if I only worked harder they would come out right. Now I realize they never would have, because they were fatally flawed from the start.
Sometimes I wish I had gotten to this point sooner, but at least I got here at last. Serenity is a good place to be.
Thanks to you and all the OH posters for your wonderful sharing and life-affirming words.
Judy G from Waltham, MA (aka shelto1946)
What a great post! I have come to realize that relationships are one of the hardest things for me to do well. It has taken 64 years for me to come to this conclusion. Part of me feels sorry for myself for all the lost opportunities, but a larger part of me feels forgiveness for the person I used to be and the difficulties I had in dealing with the world. Without this forgiveness, I would not have the feeling of tranquility in my life today. I spent so many weeks/months/years trying to make things work, taking one impossible relationships and thinking if I only worked harder they would come out right. Now I realize they never would have, because they were fatally flawed from the start.
Sometimes I wish I had gotten to this point sooner, but at least I got here at last. Serenity is a good place to be.
Thanks to you and all the OH posters for your wonderful sharing and life-affirming words.
Judy G from Waltham, MA (aka shelto1946)
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