OT: Life is short, live it fully!

Those of you who have been around long enough to know me know that I head to the corner when this forum gets too dramatic. I hate confrontations and will do most anything to avoid one. Not one of my finer qualities as it keeps me from standing up for myself when I should. However, I can't sit on my still ample arse and not respond to the current topic.

I have a few control "issues." I have tried to control the world from my little corner my whole life. Just when I let my grip loosen for a bit look what happens.  Can't I trust anyone to be grownups when I'm out of town?

I've known Janet for 7 years now. She does not have an evil bone in her little red headed body. This is not to say that she hasn't occassionally shared an insight with me. When I have been taking myself too seriously, when I've been hurt by a family member or friend, when I need an objective "get over it" she has been there, in sincere friendship, to help me realize that I need to do some more objective thinking.

To those new to this board, it takes a while to get to know us. If you do not stay around long enough to learn personalities and get and give some history it will be your loss. This has become my main support group for over 7 years now. I would be lost without the Over Fifty Forum and the friends here who understand me like none of my family or friends in "real" life.

I too laughed when I read Janet's comment. It wasn't made to hurt anyone and I know she meant no offense. My thought was "Wow, this is like being given a gift. A liquid diet that isn't causing other problems!"

 I didn't do Optifast as I started trying to lose weight pre WLS but did do it for 6 months years ago as a program. I loved it. I slept well, lost weight rapidly, and the only problem that I had was constipation. However, I gained it back just as fast! Janet was just trying to let this person know that there are worse things than to have this unexpected result!

Janet, if you're out there lurking I'm not sure our begging will bring you back. This is a drastic move on your part. Pull those big girl panties up under your armpits and get back here. Your laughter, honesty, support and love help to keep us from drying up like old wrinkled prunes! Well, at least it feels like you have the power to keep that from happening.

To those new to the Over Fifty Forum: We aren't perfect. Sometimes we offend each other both intentionally and UNintentionally. We get over it. Like real life, there are many different personalities on this forum. Few of us would have probably been friends if we lived in the same town we are that different. Here however, the common thread, is our obesity and the damage that it has done to us not only physically but also emotionally. Those wounds run deep and sometimes are opened by a word or act.

We are adults. It's hard to be grownup. I hate it and sometimes I just refuse to go there. On those days I can count on one of my friends here to let me know that I need to look inwardly objectively. Sometimes the support may be a word or two. Other times it may be a gentle kick in the butt. It may just as likely be a comment like "I understand" or "I've been there too" or "What the heck were you thinking?".. . . or "WERE you thinking at all?" It may also be a private message, email or a phone call.

On the other hand, sometimes people, myself included, only find the time to read and think about a comment or thread. It doesn't mean we don't care. There is more to life that this forum, tho I spent many, many hours on it in the beginning. Hours and hours were spent looking at those "before and after" pictures. Those pictures gave me so much hope. And getting to know the people here, following their journey, gave me the courage to start mine. My journey has not been, nor is it it today, a perfect one. I am struggling with some regain. Were it not for the support that I find here, I am sure that I would be in much more trouble. I still have all of those "fat lady" insecurities. I can't believe that anyone likes me for just who I am. I still feel fat on the inside. I still crave love and attention. I am still a people pleaser. I am still a control freak and a perfectionist. Ok, didn't know I was going to air my dirty laundry on the line once more but there it is. Damn, I thought I had resolved all of these issues and here they are again!

Enough from me. I value each and every one of you. Your life stories teach me lessons and allow me to reflect on my own life.We've all wasted far too much of our lives not living it fully because of the limitations placed on it by our obesity. I've been busy living life again, not on the sidelines but right smack dab in the middle. I hope you all will do the same.

If something offends you, try to look at all sides. If you offend someone look at what was said. If you can then see a differenct slant there is nothing wrong with admitting that perhaps you took something in a way that it was not intended. Reading between the lines is so difficult. When a comment is made in front of us we have a chance to hear the tone of voice, the body language. We know almost immediately in what manner the comment was made. Goodness knows there are many serious things in life. We all have to deal with them. Let's not dwell on the little things, but save our energy for those bigger challenges that life throws to us all.

May you all find peace and the strength to handle the big challenges of life. May your sense of humor help to carry you through all of the little "bumps" along the way. Take care,

Oh Karen, your words are true. This forum is a place for all and has SUSTAINED me throughout my journey. When I was at the bottom, I was not here and could not crawl out of the hole I made. But with courage and help from you and the others I made it out.

"Reading between the lines is so difficult. When a comment is made in front of us we have a chance to hear the tone of voice, the body language. We know almost immediately in what manner the comment was made."

Being that this is the internet community what you said above is often forgotten.
Please, everyone take a big breath, put on the Traveling bra if you got one, lets get together, share, live, care, laugh, cry, support, and be adults.

Monica, I am so totally jealous of those who will get to spend time with you in the near future. We're been around here about the same amount of time. I would so love to meet you in person so we can share the full aspect of a conversation! I believe we WILL someday! You have helped me more than you will ever know.

There is a saying, something about, a true friend is someone you haven't seen or spoken to in years, but when you get together again you can pick up right where you left off. And a true friend knows all your shortcomings and weaknesses and likes you anyway.
That is how I feel about all of you OFF folks. Somedays I comment on nothing but read lots. Somedays I do a quick fly by in the morning, then get on with my day. I almost never comment in the afternoon or evening, but that is when I read how everyone elses day has gone. I know not everyone is gonna comment on everything I post. I hope everyone realizes that if I haven't posted about your thoughts it doesn't mean I don't care.
And, if you want to rant at me, go ahead. I am me, you are you, life is diverse. That's why I am so happy to have found you all!

Yup, you expounded on what I put in my shortest, sweetest New York gal manner (lol). . .  and you and those who commented both here and on my post are all right.  Now that we've said our peace, we can only hope that other newcomers can feel the welcome that is here, there will always be those sad few who are more damaged by their struggles and we are here for all, but I can not take it lying down when one of our oldtimers gets kicked in the seat of her pants for trying to bring levity to a situation that while I understand to that person was puzzling, in the grand scheme of things was not a situation to be upset about. . .  oh well, live, love laugh and laughter is what gets me through the rought spots, as without my sense of humor I would be deader than dead a long time ago. . .

nough said. . .

Love you my west coast traveling sister. . .

Hi Karen,

Sigh.....between yours and Laureen's well thought comments, I don't have much to add except my profound feeling of loss. Loss of a person who is witty, honest and doesn't mind speaking the truth as she sees it when necessary. Loss of all those years of WLS experience, humor and love. Loss of a newcomer who would so benefit from all of our histories.

I, for one, find that the farther out I am from my surgery, the more I try to live a "normal" life, and the less I pour over the Internet and sites like this one for help. I can see why people who are confidant in their handle on our new lifestyles don't need to get the constant support that can be offered by sites like this one. Personally, I stay here for the friendship and support of my sisters than help with WLS related issues. Yes, it is a place where we "get it" where others in our lives don't.

Not sure if I'm just spewing or making sense, but I will miss Janet and hope she comes back someday.

Love and hugs!

makes lots of sense to me and yup, we "get it" where others who have not walked in our shoes don't and I need all of you and the new people too as they sometimes reinvirgorate the fire that reminds me I am not normal. . .

Love you Susan, miss you too

Karen...thank you and this post is exactly why I love and admire you so much!!!

I hope Janet and anyone else who has left will come back.  We NEED each other....good...bad or otherwise!!!

Have a great day my friend!!

Love and hugs....connie d

Aloha my friend.....I so love it when you pour out your heart and mind on here. It not only helps you, but it certainly helps me focus my wildly racing mind to what is important and what is not.

You and I are alike in that we don't like conflict, but we are easily impacted by people getting hurt or misunderstood. So many times words can be written with humor or reflection, and then read with suspicion and sensitivity. I think we all have so much more in common than our differences, and for that I am so thankful.

Our dear redhead's sense of humor has always made me laugh and think of her as little imp, menenhune (Hawaiian elf) , character....and I love her. Our differences make us unique and so interesting to each other I think. I love trying to see the world through someone else's eyes.....it makes me get out of my own head and stop believing everything that goes on up there......

Love your travel shares and everything that comes from your part of the world. Love you!

Aloha nui loa,

MK

I'm not sure what the comment was but was that the reason Janet decided to leave? Or was that the reason for Laureen's rant? I guess I'm in the dark (not the first time). I tend to get over some of these things quickly ... sometimes I get pissed off at someone, but then I decide it's not worth stewing over it. Life is too short for that. I've even forgiven my boss for yelling at me at work (although I've not "refriended" her on Facebook yet). I tried to rise above the work situation.

As for this forum, this is my support group. I don't have a real live one, where I can sit in a circle and see faces ... so I come here every day. I miss seeing my psychologist, and I can't afford going to one here. So I come to you guys ... and pour out my heart. Sometimes it's just daily nonsense, other times it's big things. But it gets it out there in the open, rather than sitting inside where it eats away at me (and then I eat to get it out). This was a therapy my psychologist suggested early on in our talks.

I love y'all.