What would you do?

About 7 years ago my sister in law and the rest of her family talked her sister who had a lot of health issues related to her weight(about 450lbs) into having gastric bypass surgery.  She had the surgery and ended up with complications right after she went home and she died. Needless to say they all feel guilty for having talked her into it. I have been battling the weight issue all my life and had control of it till I hit my 30's. Most of my now ex friends are diabetic and have health and mobility issues related to obesity. I did not want to end up diabetic or having to use an electric cart to do my shopping etc. but I couldn't succeed dieting on my own. I have never had major surgery and was terrified but I pressed on. Guess you can see why I chose the band. Quicker recover, less invasive etc. Well I had the surgery Jan. 10th and I'm doing great and losing weight. A little sore but you get the picture. Now we get to the problem. Since my brother died in 2005 I don't see my sister in law and my nephews as often. Usually for holidays and birthdays. These occasions of course all revolve around food. Well obviously I will not be able to eat like before so I'm sort of stuck on what to do. I'm afraid if I tell her I had surgery she will resent the fact that everything went good for me unlike her sister. I don't really want to lie. I guess it was rather cowardly but I figured if something went wrong with my surgery I wouldn't have to explain anything to anyone. I will be seeing her in Feb. and I really don't know how to handle this... any suggestions would be appreciated.

Huggles, my heart goes out to you and your family but now and I mean right now this very minute you need to set up boundaries. Only you can do this and no one else. You can decide if you want to tell them about your WLS or not. But if you do, you can enter into this conversation with kindness and ask them for their support. If they are unable to give you support then for you just don't talk about your WLS with them.

This is your life and your choice. You are happy with your decision to go down the path of WLS. Of course dieting never works because when you diet it is short term or even maybe a couple of years then it's back to gaining weight again and even more weight on top of that.

As for your family feeling guilty about pushing their sister into having WLS, really they have to let that go. In the end I'm sure their sister wanted WLS and died trying to get healthy.

As for being around family and food and celebrating, this is and always will be part of our life. Have a plan before you even go. What can you eat? Maybe eat before you even go and tell them you ate all ready and are just there for the fellowship and celebrating of family and not food.

Remember in the end, the surgery will not keep your weight off...you will. Lifestyle change and exercise always! Good luck and remember you set the boundaries, you are in control of your life! Hugs, Debbie

Debbie said this so well. I have nothing to add other than her advice to you helps me in times of eating with others. Best wishes.

I also agree with Debbie...everything will fall in to place. You don't owe anyone any explanation. Just say you have been eating less and watching the choices you make

Good luck and congrats on your surgery!

Hugs....connie d

I have been fairly open about mine, but your situation is really touchy.  In the conversations that I didn't necessarily want to share my WLS, I just said that I was following a doctor's orders and working with a nutritionist.  Which is absolutely true.

All good thoughts going your way!