My Epiphanny..........a super one!

Hi ya'll....

You know this last week I was struggling so hard to get my butt out of my bed to go work out. I was inspired by Sweet Susan into having a protein shake every morning instead of puffed wheats and I was determined to get at working out again also.

I watched The Biggest Loser this week and heard the guy from the Black team say how badly he felt that he had let himself go so much....I began to berate myself also. Why can't I get it together and get back in shape? I am such a failure now....and how every day I am not perfect. I screw up my "diet plan"

Then one morning this week I said to myself as I lay in bed, before opening my eyes,  bargaining with myself, re-arranaging my day, re-priotizing....proving to myself that I really didn't have the time to work out......then a voice inside me said..."who said you have to work out for an hour....try 1/2 hour!" and my eyes popped open and I said out loud "Okay then!!!"

I got up and got all my stuff together, since it had been before Christmas that I had worked out.
....and left the house.....[that is ....right after I set off the security alarm and woke my husband up......BECAUSE I HADN'T LEFT THE HOUSE THAT EARLY FOR SO LONG!!

At the Health Club as I was putting on my swim shoes to walk in the resistant pool...a lady smiled at me as if she knew me and so did her friend that she was with. I think I look confused and she said "you go to St. Maria Goretti don't you?" and I said " Yes"...she said "I thought so, you are Marti O'Leary aren't you" and I [chagrined] said "Yes, I am" and then they told me their names.......and then she said this MIRACULOUS thing to me.
" you sure have come a long way, haven't you!"..........I think I was a little stunned and stammered a thank  you and aren't you nice to say that kind of thing....and me in a swim suit.

After working out I was taking a shower and washing my hair and I started thinking about what she said and I had an epiphanny. I realized that I have been approaching my health from the wrong angle. I have been concentrating on what I have not done to be perfect......rather than how far I have come on this WLS journey. I can walk without a cane, I have new knees, I am no longer on insulin [after 17 years] I can cross my legs, I can wear heels [and dance in them], I fit in an airlplane seat and don't have to use an extender, I can walk and stand for an hour or two at a time without a crippling back ache and most of all I am no longer morbidly obese.

And yet, I condemn myself each day when I fail to live up to my expectations.....and think maybe tomorrow I can do it.   DO WHAT???....be perfect.....it's not ever going to happen. So now I am concentrating on all the things I am doing right in a day and congratulating myself..... Although, I think we as humans are born to perform self-flagellation when we think we are being honest with ourselves.

So I don't expect that I am going to be able to do this everyday all the time.....but I sure hope I can do more telling myself I am good,........ because the world tells us all the time how we are not good.....enough.

So darlins KEEP THINKIN' THE GOOD THOUGHTS.....especially about yourselves..
Love, Marti

Marti - Loved your post  -  actually I'm thrilled with it because I identified with it and because it reminded me that I/we need to be kind to ourselves!   With the same negative self scripts running over and over in our heads, it is hard to think anything positive (or wonderful) about ourselves.
And, I would say that it was serendipitous that you ran into people (when you were in a bathing suit, no less!) who knew who you were and who were so magnanimous in their comments toward you.  It is clear that they saw in you what you don't see in yourself, namely how far you have come.  Sometimes it takes a magnanimous moment for us to see what others see.
Can I add something to your wonderful post?  Affirmations have aided me on this life-long journey toward accepting me for who I am, and I believe that saying affirmations daily can be uplifting.  One that I just read was "When I look in the mirror, I see beauty".  I know that others see that in you and I hope that you will soon, too.
Margaret

Margaret......and just think if I had stayed in bed and had not gone to work out......I would never have received this wonderful gift......I know so many here will identify with it....we are sooo hard on ourselves. Thanks for YOUR affirmation for me. Love, M

Marti, your post nearly brought me to tears! If you could just keep this positive attitude more days than
you don't, this is going to be YOUR year! I see nothing but good coming your way now!

If more of us could see how far we've come, instead of how far we have to go, we'd all be so much better off. Kind of the "glass is half full" type of thing.

I'm very proud of you and so happy, too! 

Love and hugs

Sweet Susan.....you truly have been an inspiration...especially with your suggestions and with your doing the food journal. YOU ROCK!! Love, M

yes! yes! YES!!!

Dearest Nancy...........Just think how very far you have come....you work so hard and yet you are so hard on yourself also....just like so many of us. We are not failures because we are not perfect yet. Kudos for all the great things you have done for yourself. Love, Marti

My dear friend, Marti...you've been such an inspiration..honesty and accountability do hold the key.    Self-awareness as to why we do what we do and making ourselves accountable for what we decide to do.  You've don't it all and I am so proud of you!

Yes, I still struggle..I was so sure that I'd be successful but I never made goal and I have felt like a failure.  Especially being a perfectionist, I have a difficult time with what I perceive to be a failure.  My new weight doctor tells me NOT to feel ashamed...he is helping me with losing more. I'm working hard..not TRYING but WORKING hard. But I have forgotten to look backwards, yes..thank you for reminding me. 

I am no longer 441 pounds.  I can walk without my cane.  I can even buy most of my clothes off the rack.  I feel happier. I have rediscovered my old joy in the water.

I am so grateful to have the support, acceptance and understanding of such wonderful people here!

Darlin' I wish you TRUE happiness in knowing what an incredible person you are. You give a great deal of yourself away however.......it is just your way.....I think many of us are that way and we eat our frustrations.

I am so glad we have each other on this Forum. No one else understands us like we do each other.
Love, Marti

 I certainly can agree with this.  

Is the glass half full or half empty....  

Millie