Somewhere inside me...

... is determination. I am pretty sure it is there somewhere, I just need to find it, activate it, do whatever voodoo is required to make that magic happen.

I know it is there... I have seen it before in my life. I was trying to make Chief in the Coast Guard, and was studying to get my Masters License to operate passenger carrying boats and at the same time I was suddenly and unexpectedly put in charge of waterside security for the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles... and I buckled down, tapped into that mysterious reserve of determination and got it all done. I have tapped into that determination pool a few times... and it was always there. Now I am not so sure any is left....

Does that pool of determination dry up?... can we use it all and have none left? ... I sure hope not, because I really need it right about now. All of the tools are in place.. the knowledge, the physical needs such as a gym membership and sneakers and sweat pants and all of the other trappings of someone who is getting fit... and also the support of my wife, who is doing great on Weigh****chers... all that is missing is my heart...

So... what are the magic words?... Abracadabra didn't work.

Is it fear stopping me?

Fear of being hungry? ... fear of being sore from working out?... fear that my metal knee cannot take it?... or my back injury coming back? Fear of failure... of failing with changing my lousy life style once and for all?.... fear of change?

I have some awards that use to dangle from my dress uniform.... given to me by an organization that I loved. These say I have courage.... or at least I did at one time...

..... where is that courage now?... it is also a limited pool that can dry up?

I watch The Biggest Loser... and see the high level of exercise these people are enduring... doesn't seem to hurt them, and I am not as large as they are... so I guess I should not be afraid of exercise eh....

So... between now and January first I am going to read, and search and look deep inside to find that determination. I hope it is there... I could sure use right now.

I want to be happier and healthier... I really do!

I am going to ask God to help me... I hope he finds me worthy of help.

Thanks for listening to me ramble... it helps to unload this stuff... I feel a little lighter already!

 WOW........

Marc,

This could have been written by several of us.  I wonder the same things about myself.

Why don't I do what I'm suppose to do.....  Sometimes I wonder if I really want to lose the rest of the weight.  What difference does it make...... I feel better now so why go farther.  I get encouraged yet discouraged when I see others who have had surgery after me weigh less than me now.

What is in me that keeps me from doing what I should do.... the big question.  Maybe going in for counseling will help me .... maybe not.   The encouragement here on OFF sure helps though.

When you find the answer....  let us know....  if I find it.....  I'll let you know.

Millie

HANG IN THERE MARC...Damn it, you're worth it and do this for YOU!!!  God will help you find the strength to do what you need to do.  Yes, you are worthy.....we all are.  Keep posting and let out your inner feelings.  You need us and we need you!!
Happy Thanksgiving Friend.

Hugs,
Sandy

I understand what you are saying, Marc. I think that we all experience that and I don't think that there will ever be a time that we don't. We are human after all. So that right there automatically means that we aren't perfect. But I find that you don't have to like what you have to do but you do have to do it. So if you put one foot in front of the other you will eventually get through it. Just one foot at a time...one foot at a time...one foot at a time...

Keep posting and we can all help each other..that is what a family does.

Happy Thanksgiving to you, brother of the heart.

Hang in there, Marc.  I struggle with issues too and one thing I've learned is that half the battle is to recognize something's happening.  You're asking yourself a lot of good questions to help you find your way.  One of my stumbling blocks has always been this "all or nothing it's got to be right or it's totally no good why even try I can't be perfect anyway" kind of thinking.  It comes from somewhere inside and to get that positive energy back, the source of the stumbling block's got to be addressed.  And you're half way there.  (((hugs)))

What is in me that keeps me from doing what I should do.... the big question.    I agree with Millie and I think this is what you're asking too Marc.  I lay in bed at night and mentally do situps or leg lifts, or ride the stationary bike.  Just can't get my body into gear during the day.  I don't know why.  I'm still losing, but I'm losing slowly and I'm only four months out.  I know if I exercised diligently I'd do better.
Does your wife belong to the gym too, Marc?  It's usually better if you've got a workout buddy.
You're capable, definately, you just need to move on it.  Once you get going you'll find that the determination pool hasn't dried up at all.
Good Luck.
Jan

Marc....I got some very good advice from a good friend. He works out all the time, doesn't look all muscled or anything, just a business man, but healthy and a normal weight.

His advice to me...."JUST SHOW UP!"...So I belong to a health club and get myself going early....and just show up.....I always figure out something I like to do....you will also. Only a few times have I pulled into the parking lot and just sat there...and then left...Once I was riding my bike inside the club and decided I was just not enjoying it and and I left. [I had some business things on my mind I really needed to take care of]

The other secret is ....START OUT SLOWLY.....invariably people start out with great vigor thinking of  "no pain no gain" ...not true.....if you injure yourself you wreck your incentive to work out. Keep it workable.

You will feel proud of what you do...some times during the day when I am "sinning" ...I think to myself...AT LEAST IWORKED OUT TODAY!!!

Go for it Guy!!!....It is one of the things you can control ...be good to yourself.
Marti
ps.. many times I have stumbled and caught myself and thought if I didn't have a stronger core body....I would have fallen and hurt myself.

Marc.....wow ...can I relate....thanks for helping me kick it in gear!!

Hugs....connie d