My backward glance at the last two years. . .
Two years ago, under the wonderfully skilled hands of Dr. Pupkova, the tool of gastric bypass was given to me and as I look back now, I want to share some of the experiences I’ve had along the way. As a disclaimer here (lol), I want to state this is my journey and my experience that I am sharing honestly with you, so you can understand where I could have done better and what I feel I have learned along the way. . . I have found that each one of us embarks on this journey for our own reasons, a good many of us need to do this for health concerns and I, based on my family history of heart disease and adult onset diabetes due to obesity, which ultimately took my own mother’s life at the early age of 65, certainly had those concerns. At age 51 I found myself weighing 254 lbs and unable to move about freely, the simple act of walking had become something I could no longer do with ease. My life had become greatly limited and thought to myself that this was the beginning of the end to what had once been a richly social and active life and I was just not willing to accept it. I had seen the results of WLS in my own family, it worked where diets had failed over and over again and while prior to that doctor’s visit in March of 07 I had looked at WLS as a ““last resort" for people who were looking for an easy way out" I began in earnest to look for a surgeon that I could discuss the possibility with. I posted on the NJ/PA boards and had done some homework myself, which led me ultimately to Barix Clinics in Langhorne. It was there on the Friday beginning Memorial Day weekend that I met with Dr. Pupkova in a seminar that was to begin my journey. I knew from that meeting that I wanted to pursue this and that I wanted her skills to be utilized to aid me. It was there, I met for the first time one of my good friends today, Sister Jan, who was leaving Barix that day after having had her surgery by Dr. P (as she is well known by her patients).
It was what seemed like a long tedious process of jumping through the hoops, getting the insurance company on board was the first order of it all, then the tests, cardiac clearance by way of stress test, gastro because they had to scope me to see the condition of a hiatal hernia I had, bloodwork, x-rays, follow-up calls for all of it, to be sure the paperwork got where it needed, which was very seldom the case, driving Michelle (Dr. P’s assistant crazy with follow-up calls), driving Peggy nuts (who was the person in charge of getting a date), etc., etc., and then the call came, the one that said I was to be at Barix on October 16 for what was to become a life changing event, I was given my PATs date and told to be sure that I had gained no weight or I would be cancelled from surgery and the excitement from that point was phenomenal.
I had been involved in support, at first through OH and at a home held support group, hosted by Heather W. in Harleysville (miss you dear Heather), where I met a host of wonderful people and so that very important component of support was in place and everyone encouraged me and told me I would do just great. I will tell you all that this journey is best had with the support of like travelled people, who know what you are going through, who will cheer when you tell them that you can cross your legs for the first time in a long, long time, or that a regular bath towel now fits around your body with spare room, because they understand what to the average person is such a silly thing, but they know how humiliating it is when you have to scan a room for a comfortable place to sit, or the look on someone’s face when you are going to sit next to them on a train, bus or plane, they know like no one else does and it is with the help of these people I need to continue to push through what has been and continues to be the most challenging journey of a lifetime.
I have not always followed the path I should, on Christmas Eve of 2007 I tested my pouch and found I could tolerate small amounts of sugar because I had a mini cannoli at my family holiday, not a good thing, but I am being honest here and that choice was made too soon, but it is a part of my story and I share it to hopefully give you pause when you decide to test and see if you too can get away with it. It may be a reason why I have yet to reach “goal", because along the way I have told myself and for me and only I can speak for myself, I have made choices that I will pay for by coming up short on the goal side of things. I cannot claim what I am not, perfection is not me (not anyone really), but I will say this for me personally, I was given this tool to help aid in my ability to make better choices for myself and what I have learned along the way is if I do not do my part, via choices of what I put into this body and how much activity I pursue, that the results will either benefit me or make me into what I once was and so I must maintain a level of honesty and a part of that is the therapeutic value of showing up daily via some form of accountability.
Slowly the bondage of my body fat has melted away and in it’s place I have gained friends who support and encourage me. I look in the mirror and most days I see someone there who I can’t believe is me and on those days when I am feeling shaky, I look in the mirror and see me as I used to be, but beyond the physical changes that have noticeably taken place, the mental changes are still ongoing and I am learning will probably be a part of who and what makes me who I am and among you, my peers, I found help in facing the challenge of my perceptions of self in ways that do not involve covering my feelings up with food, which is still challenging at times, but a whole lot less so than before I began this journey.
I will end with this, while I have not reached a “weight goal", I have far exceeded my own goals, last week I had a wedding to attend, I went to Marshall’s to buy a dress and picked up this cute dress, size 14, I held it up and said, well let’s see, wasn’t sure I would look good in it, walked around the entire store with it in my arms and decided, ah what the hell, for what they were charging for it, I’d take it home try it on and if I didn’t like it, I’d bring it back. . . well I went home, put the dress on, looked in the mirror and this is a first for me. . . I looked in the mirror and said to myself. . . “Gee, I really look pretty in this dress". . . I felt pretty in that dress, so much so that I did not want to take if off when I came home Saturday night!
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Thank you for your kind words and my size 14, is sometimes a 12 and I own one size 10, my Ralph Lauren jeans (lol), but that was the size I was aiming for from the get go, and one day I will be in it in all my clothes ;) You are so right about the last 10 lbs., not to mention that if I had plastics it would take me to the place I want, but not in the cards now, so acceptance and doing the next right thing is where I am at!
Have a great weekend, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
Laureen, I first of all want to thank you for sharing so much a inner part of yourself with us. Personally I think that ability comes with the weight loss. I would have never been able to be as honest with others as I am since becoming who I am now. The sharing and honesty that comes with being a part of this wonderful family is so touching....it is one of the most real things in my life. Thank you for sharing and for allowing me to be a part of your life.
You have come so far in such a short time. You have transformed into such a kind and beautiful woman. You have also become such a important part of my life and someone that I can look to when I need answers.
May the past 2 years be just a glimmer of what life brings to you in the remaining years that you have. Know that you are such a loved part of this little family and I am honored to call you "sister".
Happy surgiversary to you....and many many more years of happiness!
It's not what you gather, but what you scatter
that tells what kind of life you have lived.
I said this in response to your surgiversary post, but want to say it again, you bring such positive light into this forum and I am honored to have you as a "sista" and hope to meet you one of these days!
Hugs and Happy Surgiversay to you as well!
Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
You have and always will be an inspiration to me. you are honest and truthful and tell things like you see them..You don't pull any punches. I admire you and hope we are always friends. Keep up the good work and thanks for all your support this past year. Have a great weekend and holiday season
suzette50
ONWARD & DOWNWARD
Suzette50 
Thank you for appreciating me as I am and may you also have a great weekend and holiday season!
Hugs, Laureen
My Mantra is that I do not determine my success by the number hanging in my closet, nor will I let the scale determine that success either. . . It is through trial and error I will continue to grow and succeed. . . Laureen
"Success is a journey, not a destination." Ben Sweetland
