A Few Questions

Early this morning, I realized that I was out of coffee beans, so I took off to the nearest coffee bar.  Now, a few years ago, definitely previous to wls, I would never have gone to any type of bar/restaurant alone, but this morning, I had no qualms about it.  I walked in, found a table, and ordered not only coffee but also a fruit plate.  I pulled out my book and while I sipped coffee and ate fruit, I read and felt as comfortable as if I were in my own living room.  It is amazing how accepting I am of myself and how accepting others are of me now that I am  of “normal” size.  Which brings me to the question of the day, for those who want to ponder:  Are we as guilty of participating in the freak show of obesity as those around us?  What I mean is, when we, or those who were super morbidly obese, were in public and quite the spectacle, did we feel the part of the freak and now that we are normal size, do we look at those larger than life people as a grotesque spectacle?  I admit that when I see women and men who are the size that I used to be, I feel relieved that it is them and not me, but I also watch them; although, not as intently as others do, but I do watch.  Also, do we feel guilty for being thinner and for watching those who are still larger than life?  One last question:  How many watch the discovery channel or TLC and tune in when they have those episodes of the really, really large men and women who must be removed via cranes from their homes and what is our role in viewing these programs? Are we viewing for information, relief, or because the circus freak show cannot be ignored? 

Oh Jeanie, I know what you mean. Now at a normal size, I find myself wanting to reach out to those who are as big as I used to be. At 330 lbs I was a spectacle and deep down realized what I must look like to others. But I always had a smile on and looked people in the eye, hoping they would see the inside Monica and not the morbidly overweight person I had become. I now want to let others know that help is available, that they can take back their lives, especially with WLS. But I refrain from reaching out because I don't want to hurt them anymore than I wanted to be hurt at 330 lbs. I do look them in the eye and smile, not ignore them as I was so often ignored by the general public. I had and still have a hard time NOT being invisible anymore, something I believe was the case for me at 330 lbs. I remember someone posting how they were SEEN on the curb and a car stopped so they could walk across the street, but when they were overweight they were never seen on the street or many other places. I get angry at times when I realize that others are looking, smiling, or ackowledging me at 150. Am I so different.....ahh yes!
If I watch one of those shows you speak of, I am hoping that the person or persons can achieve peace of mind, a dramatic weight loss, and begin living again. For that I am so very thankful and glad I made the decision to have WLS and be successful.
Enjoy your day, Monica

I don't think that I felt so invisible as I felt secretely observed.  People would not look me in the eyes, but they would stare at my body.  Of course, my highest weight was well over 550; therefore, I was a spectacle.   Now, like then, I still don't have a correct body image of what I look like.  I can look in the mirror and see me and walk away and think I'm huge.  When I was super morbidly obese, I would see myself in the mirror, be disgusted, and walk away and not remember how large I had become. The mind is a trickey thing.

Oh Yes, I watch TLC. I have been told on more than one occassion that I am too sensitive.  I really root for the people. I watched one last week where a week after the surgery she died of heart failure and you would have thought I had lost a family member.
Yes, I notice large people every where I go, but usually with empathy. "Oh look the waitress is taking her towards a booth, she will never fit and be embarrased to ask for a table". A super obese person shopping and panting all red faced and sweating. I remember how that felt. Most of the people who use electric carts are super obese. I am very thankful that I am now mobile and never even consider if Iwill be able to make it through the store. When I see a very young very obese person it breaks my heart, because I know what they have in front of them. I don't want anyone to have to suffer what I did.

I know what you mean about the booths and wishing I could speak when the person won't.  I, too, feel pain when I see them and know that they can be helped.  Since wls, every day I am so happy and relieved that I had the procedure done and hope that the government will force all insurance companies to pay for those individuals who want to have the surgery. 

Jeannie:

I never felt like a "freak" when I was obese ... I knew others stared at me, but my mother told me that was their problem, not mine (I was overweight all my life), so I ignored them. Maybe that's why I always had enough confidence in myself to leave home and get jobs away from home. I had confidence to get in a swimsuit even at 350 pounds and go in a public pool. I knew others stared at me, but I figured I was doing this for my health, so I didn't care if they stared or made fun of me (well, I cared, but I pushed it to the back of my mind).

But yes, now when I'm out and see obese people who are like I was, I want to reach out to them, tell them there is hope. Last year when I was on the cruise, there were a lot of people I talked to, told them how I had been 350 pounds, how I had lost 180 pounds, kept it off at that point for a year, how they could do it too the way I did. I told them how desperate I had been when I turned to surgery. I don't look at them as freaks, though, just people who need help, like I did. Sometimes they need to hear it from another formerly fat person. They don't believe it until I show my before picture. My brother started rolling his eyes when I was doing this while we were waiting in line at a store ... but you know, I wish someone had done this for me.

No, I don'****ch those reports you mention ... or, if I do, I watch them with disdain because I feel those are being made to make fun of those people, and I know what that felt like.

Like lots of others I was in denial, didn't believe I was THAT much overweight, I just needed to buckle down and lose it. While on vacation a gentleman I knew only through a dive forum for a couple of months, approached me about WLS. You could tell he was trying to walk on eggshells as he explained he had had it done years ago, how it have literally saved his life and how he know what I was going through. He was even prepared and showed me his 'fat' pictures. I sort of fluffed him off at the time, "yeah, I'll look into it, etc" but it has stayed in the back of my mind for the last 2 years. He passed away last summer and I'd give anything If I could thank him for having the guts to talk to me about it. I really believe if he hadn't I still would be in denial.

I was never accepting of my obesity.  Every day, I struggled with how I felt.  I knew there were people laughing at me or at least shocked and repulsed by me.  I would never laugh at someone who was obese; however, I do feel sorry for him or her.  I try not to watch the "freak shows" because I, too, feel like it is a modern circus event.  I don't broadcast to others my wls, for the same reason Monica doesn't.  For my friends, though, I tell them the experience that I've had and my son is having and hope that it will help them.  Not every one wants to hear the solution; it is like alcoholics, until they are ready, they will not listen

I too view the super obese with empathy and love, my mother and brother were in this catagory.
It is natural to acknowledge their humanity, look them in the eye and smile.  

I watch TLC for inspiration.  It renews my determination to be successful.  I know I am fortunate to have this tool we have been given.  I intend to use it wisely and share my journey with anyone who wants to know.

Gratitude and joy, CV Linda

Linda,

I agree that many people view those programs with compassion; however, the majority of people, I think, view it is a freak show.  I've heard the comments of "normal people".  They say things like, "the family needs to quit feeding them."  I wish every one was open minded and accepting of every one, but, unfortunately, that is not how society works.  One of my friends is very short, like 5 feet tall and weighs over 500 pounds.  When she goes with me shopping or to the movies, people are so rude to her.  They will stop in the aisles and stare at her with their mouths open or laughing.  I mean the most cruel.  I, though, wait until she is on another ailse and go back and jump their asses.  Numerous times, I've told them that she speaks five languages and has two Phds and has published numerous critical articles and books and has creative works published.  I make them feel badly for a minute.  She, though, won't have wls.  I hate it for her because she isn't even 30.