... and then the fight started....
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
So, I took her to a gas station.....
And then the fight started....
****
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
********
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home an d come back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
And she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'
And then the fight started.....
****
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage .
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.
I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And that's how the fight started ...
****
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
A nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking
right after we split up those many & years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
****
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started.....
****
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And then the fight started.....
****
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
I am struggling now though... it's really hard for me at night. I had dinner, and less than a half hour later I wanted food... no way could I have actually been hungry, but sure felt like it.
I will just hang in there... this is the biggie... the one thing I would sure like to get control of... the evening hunger thing....
One day at a time
Good going Marc! Take it one day at a time.....you can do it!!
The hardest time for me was evenings (pre surgery and not so much now) I just had to find something else to occupy my time instead of thinking about food. I used to tell people that I was good all day long but my evening meal lasted from 6PM til Midnight. I grazed. I used to have to go out and walk for an hour or so . Now I'm not one bit hungry ....Thanks RNY!! There's no way I could go out and walk now as our temps have been in the below zero range for a month and half now. And when I say below zero I mean , like 15 to 20 degrees below ZERO and with the high winds we get, that could run to 40 degrees below. Loved your jokes....keep that sense of humor and good luck on your eating choices. WAY TO GO MARC!!!
Sandy
