what is your parents' legacy?

Thanks Margo.  And a special hug right back to you. 

I've found that many women (especially obese or formerly obese) have these kind of childhood stories to tell.

 

Jean, I said I needed to "ruminate" for a while and I have and I'm back. Let's see I'm fast approaching my 60th birthday. I lost my dad in 1986 and my mom in 2007.

My father was a quiet man, hard working, didn't say much, didn't show emotion outwardly. I always knew I was loved. I too have my father's hands. They aren't pretty, kind of short and crooked. One thing of many that I'll always remember and try to live by was this. If someone did something for my dad and they wouldn't take any pay Dad would say "thanks and til you're better paid." AND. . . he would find a way to return the favor in some way. It might be produce from his garden, or wood for a fireplace, or just helping someone out in need. I try to do the same. My dad had a long torso and short legs. . . that would be me. I've always said that I'd be tall if my legs matched my body! I also got my tendency towards worrying and anxiety from my dad's side of the family. Why worry a little bit when I can really get myself worked up? I work on this daily and handle it better now that I did in years past.

From mom. Gee I don't know. She was such a go getter and never knew the word quit.  She would take on new projects or plants new plants in her 90's figuring if she didn't enjoy them someone else would. I so admirethat but that's not really me. I don't know how many projects I have started and quit in the middle of them! I think the main thing that I got from her was a joy in working with my hands whether it is cooking, baking, sewing, refinishing furniture, gardening. I also know that my love for thrift stores and reusing things comes from her. She and I spent hours at yard sales, thrift stores, remaking things from old into something new. I love making aprons from a vintage pattern with vintage fabrics.

Both of my parents were hardworking products of the depression. There's a country song out now called something liked "You should have seen it in color." It describes my parents life to a T.

I always knew I was loved. However, I didn't learn to show love physically. They were reserved, private people and keeping your emotions in check was always encouraged. Not a healthy way to be I know and hard to change after many years of practice. I could go on and on.  I'm nostalgic today. My anniversary is today, my dad's birthday was last week and their anniversary was Dec 23.  Carla, I'll think of you then as that is a good day in  my mind.

Jean, thanks again. I've enjoyed reading what everyone has contributed to this thread. I like these "thinkers" even tho they are sometimes hard.

I was just talking to my mom about this last weekend. She was saying she can't believe she's 71 and I said I can't believe it either. In my mind, she's in her 50s... which is the age I am now.

I look a lot like my mom and the women on her side of the family. I got my boobs and ass from my dad's side (and my eye color) but that's about it. I got my brains from my mom, my go-getter personality from my mom, my hair color, my lack of height, my facial features including my jowls.

All of this is really accentuated by the fact that when I had my surgery, my mom sent me her size 16 & 14 clothes that she was hoarding for no good reason (I'm glad I didn't inherit her pack rat tendencies!) so now I not only look like her physically, but I'm wearing her clothes! I find myself making gestures like her when I'm in them too. It's weird.

I've had to think about this for a few days. I think that we all have learned alot about ourselves and our family through this post.
  I get my sense of humor from my Dad and Mom.  I've got a niece that is just like me. The quick wit with jokes and come backs. I have my Mama's hands and feet and my Dad's ears( yep, kind of big). I look like my Dad and so does my son. Which makes all of us look like my paternal Grandmother. I took after my Mama's side of the family as for as height and weight. My mama had a weight problem growing up as did I.
  My Mama's side of the family is the most loving and they show you they love you. Always a hug in store there. My Dad's side you know they love you but they don't show it as much.   I came from two large families. Dad's side 7 boys&2 girls( 1girl died as infant). Mama's side there was 13 children, 10 girls & 3 boys. Both my Grandfathers were preachers. And my Mama's Mom was a preacher also.  So we had a great up bringing. My Grandmother that was a preacher started a church for each child she had. So she started 13 churches. That was pretty amazing. Especially in those early years she was doing this in the early 1900's. Even before women had many rights to do anything. My mama was number 12 in the list of the children. She had nieces and nephews older than her or about her age too. We were always closer to my Mama's side of the family because most of them lived close by.
 I really miss my parents. My Dad was a truck driver and was killed in an accident 30 years ago. And my Mama died from cancer in 2002. All grandparents are gone. I still have Aunts and Uncles from both sides. I still have all my siblings 2 sisters and 1 brother.
 This year my sister is using my Mama's orniments on her Christmas tree. It will be good to see them again. There are alot of home made things that the grandkids made for my Mama on there. Some are about 25 to 30 years old.
  For everyone out there that still has your parents with you, love them and tell them that you do everyday. And give them a hug from me too. I miss my Mama so much, not only as a mother but as a best friend too.  This year me and my sisters have gotten really closer than we were. I cherish that . I only wish my brother lived closer so he could do things with us also.
  Well, I rambled on enough and shed a few tears.
Everyone have A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.    Teresa

what a wondrful, thought provoking thread. I will need to ponder this for a day or two. 

I think too that I am going to start another thread....what is the legacy we wish to leave our own children?   Hmm, i'm already considering that!

All my life I saw my mother as a weak person, willing to let my father ruin our lives with his severe alcoholism and violent outbursts when he was drinking, which was everyday. Many times he spent his whole paycheck before coming home and we would have to do the welfare thing so we could have peanut butter, cheese, bread and milk.  My parents tried to make it up to me by buying me prom dresses and other things when I needed them, but they skipped paying the bills to do it.  As a 16 year old I thought it was great.  It was not until later that I began to disrespect them for the foolish decisions they made.  As they grew older and became ill several years before they died, I would see them at the grocery store or out shopping somewhere strolling along holding hands. The first time I saw it I thought I was seeing different people but sure enough it was my parents.  My father had quit drinking by this time as he had serious cirrosis of the liver.  My mother stayed with him for 49 years.  They died within one week of each other in March 1995 and a few months short of their 50 wedding anniversary.  As I think back on it now, I don't think they could have survived without each other. To this day I don't know if the relationship was one of true love and committment or a case of severe codependence. I prefer to think it was the former. Even with all the scarey nights, beating my mother and generally raising hell, I loved my dad because I new he had a disease he couldn't get a handle on.  I didn't think I loved my mother because she allowed our home life to be one of compete chaos and fear. But after they were both gone I realized they did the best they could considereing their backgrounds and I new I loved both of them.  Today is my dad's birthday.  When I think about it I know all the memories are not bad. There were some fun times too.  Happy Birthday Dad.