Have Any Of You Had This Experience?

Hi

I at the home stretch in my 6 month medically supervised diet.   I've lost 13 lbs and feel pretty good about it.  My dear husband, who originally said he was supporting me thru the WLS I hope to have in January or February, is now sabatoging it, or at least attempting to.

He's been bringing in all the foods that I can't have, but loved in my 'past life'.  He's brought in gallons of vanilla bean ice cream,  warm cinnamon buns, he's been cooking pasteries and hot cinnamon buns at all hours at night.   On Wednesday night he walked in with chinese food.    He was cooking for thanksgiving and promised to make me (1) sweet potato, but somehow forgot .    

I am so frustrated!  If this is how he's acting now, when he thinks he's being supportive, I'm fearful of how he will be after the surgery.    I've told him bringing those foods into the house is making it very hard on me to keep focused (tho I've not slipped, it's a daily battle).  He says 'oh, I'm sorry, I forgot".   Grrrrr!!!!    I'm keeping my eye on the prize, my surgery and the life I will live after.   I'm exercising, eating well and making some progress now.  

Have  any of you run into this when you were preparing for your surgery?  If so, I'd welcome any suggestions on how to approach this with him.    It seems that the direct approach is not working.

Linda

Food is a mind set. Just because you are going to have or have had surgery doesn't mean that those foods will vanish. You have to set your mind to the fact that you don't want them. We can't punish others for the decisions that we make. I know at times I felt like I was punishing my ex and he would go out of the house to eat and such knowing I couldn't have certain foods, that made it worse for me, both mentally and physically....

No matter where I go in life, there will be food....what I do about it is up to me......it will get better believe me....

Oh I agree with you that we can't punish others, and the food will be there, and it's up to me . I'm just frustrated I guess that as I wrote that he was cooking chinese food and eating it.

He needs to lose over 100 lbs and is not ready to do anything about it.   Yet he tells our friends he's 'working on a half as*ed diet".   so frustrating.

I guess i was just venting.  I'm responsible for me.  

Darlene...I couldn't have said it better.  People are tiptoe-ing around me already and I'm only 8 days out.  This was MY decision not theirs and they can eat whatever the hell they want to.  Food is going to be around whenever and whever I go  and this is a LIFE CHANGING decision made by me and me alone.  I know it must be hard and that's understandable and I'm sure I'll encounter those experiences along the way.  I'm a fresh new babe in all of this but I hope and pray I have the courage and  knowledge to use this new "tool" to better my health and life.   Yesterday (Thanksgiving) was the best day ever......I enjoyed my loved ones around me and didn't feel sorry for myself that I couldn't eat everything on the table except the tablecloth!!  LOL  Nothing else tastes better than "skinny".
There....Got that off my chest...LOL


Sandy

You are making him nervous. He will be taken out of his comfort zone as you lose weight. And he may be worried about losing you.

I know he's nervous about many things, but I truly think he'll lose me if I DONT do it.   I truly beleive I am headed for a shortened life if I dont do this....so I will do it,  

Thanks for your post.
Linda

It is possible that the more he sees you do toward changing your life and your way of life, the more he is nagged (in his mind) of his need to change and just not wanting to.  He probably is not intentionally making it more difficult for you but he might have some unconcsious feelings that he is not even overtly aware of. Perhaps if  you approach him by telling him you know that he wants to support you. Explain to him that you will not expect him to always make sure and not eat those things in front of you or bring them into the house. And then ask him if he could just try to avoid doing it until you have your surgery. My husband is a sweets hound. He hid them in areas that I sould not look. High cabinets and back of drawers. he never told me when he bought them and hid them. I would occasionally see him eating them but somehow it bothered me less if I just saw the ones he ate and not the entire bag. 
I agree that we each signed up for this and can't expect everyone around us to sacrifice for our goals. That being said, it is much harder when that food is sitting around. AND it was much harder for me on my preop diet than it has been since I had my surgery. Before surgery i was hungry all the time. Now I am rarely hungry.
Hang in there, it will get better

HI Cheryl

I never considered that possiblity and I think you may be right on target.    He's been telling people "I guess I'll have to lose weight now to keep up with her" and he doesn't sound too happy when he says it.       

He is the cook in our family (I'm so lucky!) and he gets frustrated when I don't eat what he cooks sometimes (even though I've told him what I need).   I told him when I started this that it  was MY responsiblity to make my own foods, lunches, etc.   He was so hurt by this, as if he wasn't doing a good enough job, that I just let him do it.     I do not make a big deal about when he cooks things I should not eat, I just don't eat them and wrap them up and put them in the refrigerator for him for lunch.   (mashed potatoes, high fat meats, etc).

I'm just trying to make an enviornment for success around me.  When I shop I don't get the cookies, cakes, goodies anymore.   Then the next day I find big bags of them everywhere.  

I will just keep my eyes on the surgery and hope for the best.    I got myself this way and it's my responsiblity to get myself healthy and strong again.   Thanks for your post.  You were very helpful!

Linda

If he really enjoys cooking perhaps you could find some WLS friendly recipes and cook together looking for recipes that he likes and are good for you. I am going to have to do that with my husband. He is willing to eat what I eat as look as it tastes good and he likes it. He does nto intend to make taste sacrifices and i don't expect hime to. i am looking for good recipes and go to the recipe board here quite often. I have afile at home with all the things I want to try.
If he feels like it is his job to cook, maybe he just doesn't know the right way to cook. Help him.

linda; i have to agree with everyone who has replied-and yes- my hubby sabotages me--even now...well- more so now than pre surgery....

stick to your guns!!!!!!!!!!!!!