I REFUSE to eat over it!

My middle schooler is driving me to EAT!!!  But I REFUSE to do it.  I have been thinking about food all day today because my husband and I are going thru a real rough patch with this kid....He is triggering me like crazy...at least I am aware...After my conversation with him this morning, I went straight to the gym like every morning.  I had a yogurt for breakfast, a salad with 1 oz chicken and 1 oz feta for lunch, and an apple with peanut butter when I felt like I couldn't wait any longer to bite something (would have preferred it to be biting his head off!!!)...and now he has driven me to drink - water, that is!   I think I may be too old for this crap...it's just a lot of lying recently over nothing things (like not eating his lunch and not turning a coat into the school coat drive, and not doing an English paper on the day it was due), and some emails from his teachers about his failing grades, and today I got one about him failing to bring in some signed "grade paper", so now he has detention tomorrow.  I know this is not like joining a gang, or doing drugs, but this is my first experience raising a teenager (thank God I only have one kid!), and I was such a goodie two shoes, I have no road-map, not that there is one...I know this too shall pass, I just hope it does before I pig out, bust my band open, and shoot my port across the room!  He's a good kid...wants to be a cop when he grows up...but at this point I am not sure he is gonna even make it to high school.   Supportive hugss from those of you who have been there and can tell me "this too shall pass" and it turns out ok in the end?  Anyone? 

Cara

PS...re-reading this post makes it sound so trivial, but we have talked to this kid about lying so many times, afraid that if he lies about the petty things he will lie about the big ones...we even had a long conversation about it over the wkend, and I caught him in a lie this morning.   Then when I got the email from his teacher, it about got me to bake a cake so I could eat it by myself for an afternoon snack.  Any advice from those of you who have lived thru the middle school yrs and beyond would be so helpful right now.  Huggs!

Hi Cara,

I have 5 children and the youngest is now in middle school. Yes, this too shall pass, but not without some butts being burned on the way. Little lies turn into big lies if it is accepted. The little lies are a signal that something else is going on with him. Will he talk to you about it? Will he tell you what the problem is with his school work? Maybe it is a social situation at school that you are not aware of. That has been the root of my youngest daughters issues in the past. She is the one that is paying me back for having 4 easy kids before her.

I have found that dealing with this kind of thing in a firm but loving way has worked for us.

Good luck,
Martha

Hi Martha,

Thanks for the reply and sentiments.  We are firm with him, and we love him to death and he knows it.  I think he has a big problem with A) being lazy about school, and B) not wanting to own that because it disappoints us.  But he has to face his own music.  I seem to be the one he lies to mostly...not to my husband so much.  It makes me wonder what I am doing wrong....am I over-reacting to things so he just feels it's easier to lie about them than to face me with whatever the heck it is? In the end, he gets caught and we tried to explain that what he did was nothing compared to lying about it...Lying is much worse.  

I just received a reply to a note I sent to his teaching team lead about setting up a meeting with the team to discuss what has been going on in school with Sam.  I can't trust what he tells me right now, and I get side swiped by the things he tells me vs the notes I receive from his teachers.    I completey agree that the little lies will turn into big ones, and we have discussed the lying ad nauseam with him. Thanks for your feedback.  I'll definitely add the advice to my bag of tricks.

Cara

Hi Cara,

First, I forgot (((((BIG HUG)))))!!!! Maybe the teaching team can help you out with what the problem might be. My daughters teachers clued me in to the social issues. Apparently she didn't want me to think that she was a 'looser' (of course, a different kind of looser than us!).

Good luck!!
Martha

Thanks for the HUGGS!!!!  Needed them!   Yes, just found out we have an appt Monday morning to meet with them, so hopefully we can get some of this fugured out. Thanks again Martha!  BTW...5 KIDS!!  You ARE WOMAN!!  I have a couple of friends who have 4 kids each, and it seems like they are the calmest parents I know.  God Bless ya!

Hi Cara, Hugs from me too.  I raised two kids single-handedly and the middle school years were the worst.  Hormones, peer presssure and laziness about school work all contributed to grey hairs during that time.  Just wanted you to know that they turned out more than OK.  It does pass but it's a long few years before it does.  We didn't have teaching teams in those days and maybe they will shed some light on the situation.  Guess if I had it to do over I would praise more.  They have since said that they felt really bad about themselves during that period.
What I did was some soul searching to determine what was worth taking a stand about and what I could ignore.  Hang in there.
CV Linda

Wow, Linda...Doing it as a single parent is intense.  My husband is the one with the level head and the calmness to discuss...he always knows the right thing to say, where I am much more emotional....so I really have to work on it.  Good advice re: the praising more, and to make a decision on what is important to take a stand on, and what to let go.  I have no problem letting him know I love him to pieces, but maybe I need to work on those other two things.  Thanks for that, and for the huggs!

Cara

Ahhhhhhhhhhh teenagers!  You can't live with 'em, you can't auto-enroll them in the Foreign Legion.

No point to my post - just having a little chuckle at your expense because I've raised two teen-aged boys as a single parent and know what it's like.  And dayumed if I haven't lived to tell about it.

Hang in there, mom.

Sandie

The fact that you can laugh after single handedly raising two teenage boys is music to my ears.  Thanks!

Hi Cara! You hang in there girl. I also raised 2 boys single handedly. Had some help from my Mom though. But none from their DAD! He sent money but was not help at all in the discipline.
I didn't think we would ever make it thru the teens years. I used to pray every day, Dear God please just let me get them thru high school!! lol
But keep the faith! They made it and moved out and lived their own lives for awhile, came back home a few times, then back out. Now they are both married to wonderful women and have given me 3 precious grandsons. YES I said grandSONS. OH NO! HERE I GO AGAIN LOL
HUGS HUGS HUGS FOR  YOU. YOU CAN DO IT! JUST TAKE ALOT OF DEEP BREATHS.
AND PRAY A LOT