need your advice

Normally, I would post this on the lap-band forum, but as much as I love and value the members there, they're mostly 20-30 yrs younger than me and just don't understand what I'm going through.

My 89-yr-old mother is declining fast (see my OH blog for details) and the stress involved has made my band really, really tight.  I can only do liquids in the morning, purees (maybe) for lunch, solid food for dinner.  I have gained 2.5 lbs in the past week - I'm sure because of emotional eating at night (I don't keep problem foods in the house, but I'm perfectly capable of stuffing myself with "healthy" foods).  I have an appointment with my bariatric surgeon on Thursday.  I'm tempted to ask him to take a teeny bit of saline out of my band - but scared that an unfill might make it possible for me to eat even more than I'm eating now.  I know, I know, no WLS will cure emotional eating.  But now long can this torture of losing my mother go on?  A month? 6 months?  More?  If I gained more weight, I'd feel even worse than I do now.

Any advice?

thanks,
Jean

I don't know enough to give you advice, but just wanted to know you are in my prayers, Jean.

Blessings,

Jeane

jean...oh gosh....i am soooooooooooooo the wrong person to try to give you advice--1st cuz i had RNY 2nd cuz i too, stuffed  healthy foods til i regained 30 # when my michael almost died- lemme see-more than three times --so many i have lost count--since 2005....

all i can do is offer you hugs and prayers ...i can only imagine the suffering that you are going thru and i am saddened....

i would think that you could get a lil taken out and hen-deal with any gain later when you are able to become stable again....i do NOT see it as a weakness....you are human and this is your mother....

i wish i could help..............

I don't know enough about lap-band ... but I kind of agree with Margo on this. And maybe you could find a therapist if you need someone to talk about your issues (I mean, I'm glad you have us to come to, but sometimes that still isn't enough ... I still see my therapist because emotional eating/spending is still an issue with me).

I have an 84-year-old mother who thought Election Day was Wednesday, and she is actually doing well ... my thoughts are with you. I can understand how difficult this is for you. My 90-year-old aunt had to go into the nursing home because she couldn't move anymore and it was too difficult to get her into the wheelchair with one person ... she had been living at home with a caretaker. Aunt Bernice is a feisty old lady but she's in a lot of pain (think of me at 90, if I don't shoot myself first) ... she doesn't feel like moving most days. And because she didn't move, now she can't move at all. So now she's in a nursing home. I hope she can get out of there, but I'm afraid she won't.

Jean,

The people in my lap-band support group have commented that when they are stressed, the band tightens. The only relief seems to be an un-fill and going back to liquids/pureed foods for a few days. Let things settle down in your body, then go back to basics.

Have you considered an antidepressant as you are going through the extreem stress with your Mom? That might help too.

Attending a support group of Altzheimer's Caregivers is very helpful. The group I attended gave good tips for dealing with Mom and my own emotional turmoil. The place where she is currently living may even have something to support caregivers.

This is a VERY difficult time for you. the first rule of caregiving is to take care of the caregiver FIRST!!!

You are a devoted daughter and have done well with your Mother. I admire you so much.

Annette

Annette,

Actually, I'm already on 2 antidepressants!

The Alzheimer's support group meeting is a good idea.  I know of one that meets once a month in a nearby town.

And I think I'm going to have to hook up with my therapist again...

Thanks,
Jean

Beth T is my band guru, she is the one I go to for info.....I'll send her the link here and have her post to you......

Jean,
I can't give you an advice on the lap band because I am still waiting for surgery. I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for you pain. My Mom died 13 years ago after I put her in the nursing home. She had extreme demetia. She just started to forget everything. She died peacefully in her sleepbut it was extremely hard for me to let go of the grief.Time takes care of that and God was a great comfort.

You will be in my prayers and thoughts. God bless you.

Nancy

Jean, I'm not a Dr but I take an antidepressant and you may just need something to take the edge off. I know all to clearly that stress does for some reason make the band tighter...my daughter was a year out in Aug and she is having some major health and stress problems and she had to have some taken out. She isn't on anything but she is going to see her Dr to get something for stress/depression. I hope that helps and my email is [email protected] Beth

Jean,
I can feel your pain in your post,,  I had RNY so no help there on your question but did want to day that  I TOO am watching my mom slowly decline and it is killing me as well inside.,   I dont know how to handle mine as well so I just pu**** to the side , She isnt in a nursing home yet and when that comes I dont know how I will be able to go there mentally if it happens .
I pray daily that she never gets to that point for her as well as me THE WEAK DAUGHTER..
My prayers and hugs are with you ....
Shirley