Hi everyone!
I have to recommit to do more than sporadic lurking on the OFF board--I 'I've spread myself too thin and heavily stressed, so rather than jumping between three or four boards, just stick with one, and this is THE one I've felt most comfortable.
Spent the weekend in Milwaukee for a dear aunt's funeral. Was wonderful reminiscing with cousins who seldom get to MN since our grandmother passed seven years ago. So many emotions, though ultimately celebration of a Christian life all glory to God.
Per neurologist's recommendation, Will be having medically necessary double thigh lift plus mini-panni in two weeks, Monday Oct. 20. Am single, live alone with two cats (one fostered), have MS, and am trying to remain pro-active regarding stress issues. Per a social worker at the hospital, I won't know until post-surgery whether I'll be able to go directly to a rehab facility for recuperation (no lying down nor sitting up for two weeks, and I'm not supposed to be alone that first week). The alternative would be having a home health nurse check in on me, and hopefully a PCA to help with household dailies. Upshot: I'm the one who 'does it all', and am not comfortable asking for help.... am feeling terribly embarrassed now coming back to the fold primarily when I need help. Just had to put this in writing, that this new goal of daily checking in, being accountable, is paramount to breaking this isolation, anxiety, and embarrassment. (am regularly meeting with my psychologist in the morning regarding 'being a friend' to ex-boyfriend who'd been evicted from our building two months ago. He's wonderful when he's taking his bi-polar meds and not drinking and has been a gem since being down and out, sleeping in his car. I believed I was doing the 'right thing' by taking his cat, preparing meals, going weekend camping three times so he may rest horizontally, etc, though it's just wearing very thin.) He is aware I'm 'there' for him as long as I know he takes his meds and is not drinking, though with being thisclose to my surgery, it's become too much! Will be seeing my therapist twice yet prior to surgery on the 20th. Please, please give me some sane response to this can of worms I've created from my huge caring 'tough-love' heart! This is a basically decent Christian man who has mental illness. Thanks so much!
So go ahead, give me what 'ya got, because I'm at my wit's end and asking for emotional support and reasonable suggestions. Many thanks in advance friends! Oceans of love and hugs galore, Patti
Spent the weekend in Milwaukee for a dear aunt's funeral. Was wonderful reminiscing with cousins who seldom get to MN since our grandmother passed seven years ago. So many emotions, though ultimately celebration of a Christian life all glory to God.
Per neurologist's recommendation, Will be having medically necessary double thigh lift plus mini-panni in two weeks, Monday Oct. 20. Am single, live alone with two cats (one fostered), have MS, and am trying to remain pro-active regarding stress issues. Per a social worker at the hospital, I won't know until post-surgery whether I'll be able to go directly to a rehab facility for recuperation (no lying down nor sitting up for two weeks, and I'm not supposed to be alone that first week). The alternative would be having a home health nurse check in on me, and hopefully a PCA to help with household dailies. Upshot: I'm the one who 'does it all', and am not comfortable asking for help.... am feeling terribly embarrassed now coming back to the fold primarily when I need help. Just had to put this in writing, that this new goal of daily checking in, being accountable, is paramount to breaking this isolation, anxiety, and embarrassment. (am regularly meeting with my psychologist in the morning regarding 'being a friend' to ex-boyfriend who'd been evicted from our building two months ago. He's wonderful when he's taking his bi-polar meds and not drinking and has been a gem since being down and out, sleeping in his car. I believed I was doing the 'right thing' by taking his cat, preparing meals, going weekend camping three times so he may rest horizontally, etc, though it's just wearing very thin.) He is aware I'm 'there' for him as long as I know he takes his meds and is not drinking, though with being thisclose to my surgery, it's become too much! Will be seeing my therapist twice yet prior to surgery on the 20th. Please, please give me some sane response to this can of worms I've created from my huge caring 'tough-love' heart! This is a basically decent Christian man who has mental illness. Thanks so much!
So go ahead, give me what 'ya got, because I'm at my wit's end and asking for emotional support and reasonable suggestions. Many thanks in advance friends! Oceans of love and hugs galore, Patti
Never let your memories be greater than your dreams.
Hi Patti, My, it has been a long time. Like you, I sometimes post often & sometimes not at all. I'm still trying to figure out why I do this, but I do think it has something to do with my "ups and downs", if you know what I mean.
Far be it from me to give advise, but.... since you asked, here goes:
First, There's nothing wrong in my opinion in coming back to OFF after being gone. That's what we're here for!
Re: the x-boyfriend --- try to remember that your first responsibility is to take care of yourself. At this time in your life, with surgery coming soon, you need to focus on your own needs.
Re: "Just had to put this in writing, that this new goal of daily checking in, being accountable, is paramount to breaking this isolation, anxiety, and embarrassment." The fact that you wrote this tells me you're making a real effort to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Do you have friends you can talk to in addition to your therapist? Either way, I'm here & I'm sending you mega-big hugs right now.
Far be it from me to give advise, but.... since you asked, here goes:
First, There's nothing wrong in my opinion in coming back to OFF after being gone. That's what we're here for!
Re: the x-boyfriend --- try to remember that your first responsibility is to take care of yourself. At this time in your life, with surgery coming soon, you need to focus on your own needs.
Re: "Just had to put this in writing, that this new goal of daily checking in, being accountable, is paramount to breaking this isolation, anxiety, and embarrassment." The fact that you wrote this tells me you're making a real effort to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. GOOD FOR YOU!!!! Do you have friends you can talk to in addition to your therapist? Either way, I'm here & I'm sending you mega-big hugs right now.
Patti,
Sometimes, just airing our can of worms is enough to kill the buggers. Don't feel uncomfortable about coming back here for emotional support - you are part of the OFF family.
Advice - keep working with your therapist and don't refuse to accept assistance as you heal.
We tend to be better giving help rather than receiving help, don't we? Try to put yourself first.
Healing thoughts for your recovery.
Kisses
Annette
Sometimes, just airing our can of worms is enough to kill the buggers. Don't feel uncomfortable about coming back here for emotional support - you are part of the OFF family.
Advice - keep working with your therapist and don't refuse to accept assistance as you heal.
We tend to be better giving help rather than receiving help, don't we? Try to put yourself first.
Healing thoughts for your recovery.
Kisses
Annette
Annette 
Thank you Annette, you sweetie! Feels so right getting back to this board. I'd read, though seldom posted, and very glad your recent surgery went well. Am so looking forward to having it over, and am leaving it up to God regarding where/how I end up upon hospital discharge. Anyway, have been up all night (again) and gotta get some shut-eye before nine a.m. appointment. Catch 'ya sooner this time hon! Hugs and kisses coming ight at you! Patti
Never let your memories be greater than your dreams.
I'll stick my neck out on this one.
It does sound as if you want and need to be rid of this guy. It also sounds as if you have been and are now a bit emotionally fragile.
So I'm going to say, yes, you need to unload this guy. There are lots of ministries that will take up where you've left off--Salvation Army, plenty of churches. He could probably have both meals and a place to sleep if he were to look a little bit for them. Or, if it makes you feel better, make a list of them yourself for him and tell him you can't help him any more. It really does sound like you have too much on your plate and if you don't take care of yourself now, YOU'LL be in the position of having to find someone to take care of you. Tell him in no uncertain terms to find other help and leave you alone. Stick to your guns: don't answer the phone or the door if it's him. If he doesn't get the message tell him you will contact the police if he doesn't go away, and call them if he continues.
Be kind, but be firm and don't waiver. You must be convinced in your own mind that he is dragging you down and draining you, no matter how kind he is. You are not his mother. Stop taking care of someone who is not your responsibility and take care of yourself, that IS your responsibility.
What are my credentials to give this advice? My teenage daughter was an avid drug user in her teens, quitting school, running away, sleeping around. I took her to rehab twice and a psychiatric unit once for 2 weeks. When she would not get a job nor go to school at age 16, I told her to move out. Tough love... yes: tough on the parents.
Nancy S.
It does sound as if you want and need to be rid of this guy. It also sounds as if you have been and are now a bit emotionally fragile.
So I'm going to say, yes, you need to unload this guy. There are lots of ministries that will take up where you've left off--Salvation Army, plenty of churches. He could probably have both meals and a place to sleep if he were to look a little bit for them. Or, if it makes you feel better, make a list of them yourself for him and tell him you can't help him any more. It really does sound like you have too much on your plate and if you don't take care of yourself now, YOU'LL be in the position of having to find someone to take care of you. Tell him in no uncertain terms to find other help and leave you alone. Stick to your guns: don't answer the phone or the door if it's him. If he doesn't get the message tell him you will contact the police if he doesn't go away, and call them if he continues.
Be kind, but be firm and don't waiver. You must be convinced in your own mind that he is dragging you down and draining you, no matter how kind he is. You are not his mother. Stop taking care of someone who is not your responsibility and take care of yourself, that IS your responsibility.
What are my credentials to give this advice? My teenage daughter was an avid drug user in her teens, quitting school, running away, sleeping around. I took her to rehab twice and a psychiatric unit once for 2 weeks. When she would not get a job nor go to school at age 16, I told her to move out. Tough love... yes: tough on the parents.
Nancy S.
Hi Nancy, thank you for your note. Yes I'm aware I HAVE to sever all ties with him. Thankfully, with the eviction, he's not allowed to touch the property, of which he's aware and complies. Our church has helped him, and his mental illness causes him to desire only the best, he won't sleep in a 'hall of transients' and is content living in his car,--now that's denial. Am grateful for surgery in ten days, as that truly helps motivate me to break ties.Will be seeing my psychologist this next week, and will proceed with that support. I daily pray for strength. Am aware there are many other ways to utilize my compassion and huge heart--without being taken advantage of. Thank you so much for your post. I so commend your 'tough love' decision with your daughter. Prayers being said for both of you--got to be even tougher with a child of your own. Blessings and hugs to you, Patti
Never let your memories be greater than your dreams.
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