OT: Resisting the Urge to Control

This is a  hard one. It speaks out my name. I so want people to do this right and be successful.....I promise to try and do better.

Imposing Your Will On Others

The right to make your own choices is a precious one. We grow when we have the freedom to decide our own paths and determine what makes us happy. Yet there are those who are inclined to try and control others. They may be driven by insecurity, envy, fear, or the need for power. These people are deeply critical of themselves in their own minds, and underlying that critical nature is unhappiness. Their need to feel sure-footed and secure is quenched by controlling those around them, whether they are friends, colleagues, or even pets. However, nearly everyone has found themselves imposing their will upon others at one time or another.

Trying to impose your will on others can be tempting for many reasons. You may feel that your way is the best way or that you have a keener insight into the direction their life should be taking. But, in imposing your will, you are indirectly saying, “I want to control you.” Even when you have the best of intentions, others may end up resenting you for your actions. It is always helpful to remember that it is possible to influence people and change their behavior through education or example without imposing your will on them.

If you’ve caught yourself being a bit bossy on a regular basis, make a note of it. Write down what the situation was and why you acted the way you did. You may have pushed a friend to try something new, because deep inside you wanted to try it yourself but were feeling hesitant. Or you may be unjustly interfering with work teammates, because you aren’t sure of their abilities. Next, make an effort to understand and accept their preferences and ways of doing things. It can feel natural to impose your will when you feel that you “know best.” But there is a freedom to trusting others to find their own methods and joys, even when they might differ from yours. Sometimes the best course of action is to step back and relinquish control. You may, in doing so, see everything from a different point of view.

another good one darlene...speaks my name also...thanks for sharing this with us...

hugs

 Hmmmm    Did someone talk to you about me?   LOL  I too want to help others and feel my way is best.   Even if it is best it is hard for me to allow others to make their choices...  I am getting better..  Millie

I think i am getting better about this since i am getting happier about myself and how i feel toward others. i know when i was the most miserable and fat that i really tried to control others completly , now i am being too busy with life to have time to do a lot of it, i still catch myself trying to control and when i do i back off. thanks for an eye opener here this morning.

I too am guilty of this, especially with my grown children because it has been a habit for so long.  But I'm getting better at holding my tongue, only offering an opinion when it is requested, loving unconditionally.  After all the whole point was to raise them up to take charge of their own lives.  Thanks Darlene for this well written reminder.
Carmel Valley Linda

Thank you Darlene! This is definately something I need to continue to work on in all aspects of my life. I appreciate you sharing this with us.

Hugs, connie d

Darlene, where were you when you were here? I didn't see you sitting in my house. I know that you were here because you described me to a T. That is the only way that you would have known.

I am so guilty of this especially with those that are close to me. I always want the "best" for them and they should all know that MY way is the best way. After all it worked so well for me, after all I got up to 291 pounds so something must have been working. Oh! I forgot it was my arm making it's way to my mouth. haha

I had to control others because my own life was so out of control. I always said that people had to control because they had no control of their own but failed to ever see it with me.

I guess I must be getting better (notice I said getting better and not just better) since I am actually getting my own life. Wow I sure do love having my own life and not having to live through others.

Thank you God and wls!

I feel so much better abbout this topic now, but it took years of hard lessons to teach me to let go of my control. I really think it was at the point that I hit "bottom" that I learned that I have no control of anything or anyone but myself. It took a lot of heartache to learn that one!

Darlene, what a timely message.  Our grandaughter is coming out here to go to college, and I will print this message out, blow it up, and put it on my makeup mirror so I can see it every morning. 

Pat and Brenda, hit the nail on the head.  Since my life was out of control, the urge, and desperate need, to control something was foremost in my mind.  Now that I'm getting healthy,      I don't have the time to meddle (see above part of post, heh-heh) or the desire.

GOOD POST, Darlene!  and thank you.

Terri