Over indulging - alcohol

Not me. My DH. I have reached goal and have confidence again. Now looking at my life and am very sad. A little background. Alcoholic family - birth father died of alcoholism, step-father alcoholic, dear mother probably, other family members also. I abused food - what else is new. We're retired and I'm active in my church.

My question to you dear over 50's is how to handle the rest of my life. I don't want divorce - or to leave. Initial reasoning is to cut off invitations where I know drinking will be excessive. We've planned a 3 week trip in February where I know alcohol will be excessive and I am dreading it. I write through the tears. OMG. Help.
Love & hugs,
Rudie

First of all, I hear you. 

Attend Al-Anon. 

Arguing with a drunk is futile.  Personally, I would not go on the trip. 

So easy for me to say  but when you are in the middle of it like you are, it is not so easy.

My heart is with you.

Have you talked to your husband about your concerns? at least made him aware of your feelings? He may not realize what it is doing to you.....

Congrats on reaching your goal....that's something that never happened for me.....be proud of you...

My heart goes out to you.  I went through this as a young wife 30 yrs ago.  Al-anon is a wonderful help and can save your sanity.  I'm sure they would have alot of info on the internet.  You are in my prayers.  God Bless You

First of all I want to let you know that I am so sorry that you need to go through all of this. I know what you are saying about the not wanting to leave. I have problems with this at times. I do love him so much but I guess I don't always like him very much. That is the fact of life and also of every relationship. You either deal with the flaws or not. The choice is yours and yours alone.

I have never had to live with an alcoholic and for that I thank God everyday. I know that Al Anon is a wonderful organization and one that I would strongly advise you to look into. They are a group of people who are walking in the steps that you are right now and those of them that already walked there is there to advise you. I truly think that you will profit greatly from attending.

My prayers are with you and also with you husband that he sees that he doesn't need to do such a negative thing to himself and to those that he loves. We are here for you when ever you need us~either to vent or to talk things through with. We are behind you 100% in whatever you choose to do.

Rudie,

No matter what you are never alone.

How do you handle the rest of your life? Honey, the same way you attained goal - through hard work, education and a whole lot of determination.

Although I've never had the need, as others suggested, go to Al-Anon for help and support.

Just have to tell you a little story.   My step-father was a drunk.  After work that is.  My mother got tired of it and started offering to fix his drinks when they were at home.  She never tried to talk him out of drinking.  But what she did was add epson salts to his drinks.  It took a little while but he finally got tired of being sick every time he drank.  He never did find out what she had done and that was almost 50 years ago AND he never drank again!!     Hee Hee Hee

Bette M

Rudie, thankfully, I've never had to deal with that problem, so can't offer much in the way of advice.  Dry your tears sweetie and know you have an unending supply of support here at OFF.

My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic.  As kids, we thought it was funny.  He was never an abusive drunk thank God.  He'd drink his beer or wine, or anything for that matter.  After I married and took on the responsibility of Thanksgiving dinner for the family, I never allowed alcohol on the menu.  Grandpa made sure to have his cooler in the trunk of his car with his stash.  It wasn't until several years later, when my kids started tattling on great grandpa, that I learned of his way of getting around my rule.  I remember how angry I was with him when he caused an accident that sent my grandma to emergency surgery for a broken collar bone.  Even that didn't stop his drinking.  One of my male cousins took after grandpa in the alcohol dept.  He's in his early 50s, and between the alcohol (and drug abuse of his early 20s), his brain is pretty much scrambled.  BTW, grandpa lived to be 93, and grandma followed him to the grave soon after, also at the age of 93.  Don't know why I'm rambling.

Congratulation on reaching goal, I'm still trying!
Love & hugs right back to you,
Debbie

Rudie,

I have been in your shoes, so know exactly where you're at.  I would suggest that, if you have not already done so, you run with your arms wide open to Al-Anon.  The progam feels a little weird at first but, trust me, it is a life saver.

When I first began in Al-Anon I was in a 20+ year marriage, had just filed for divorce and bankruptcy, and had also just lost my business.  My life was completely out of control.

Within months of entering the program, my life had done such a huge turn-around that it still seems surreal.

Where am I 9 years later?  I am still married to my alcoholic, who has 8+ years soberity.  We have a solid, healthy, relationship where I am profoundly loved and respected.  Al-Alon taught me how to view, and live my life from a healthier perspective, and in doing so the things in my life that were such a mess eventually just care of  themselves.

Best of luck to you!!! 

My dear Over 50 friends: Thanks for your wonderful input. You've saved my bacon (pardon the expression) more than once with your wisdom, humor and advice. Don't know what I'd do without you. Right now I'm gathering information and trying to take my anger out of the equation.

Blessings and hugs,
Rudie